Monday, July 4, 2011

How I've Been Feeling

OK I'm going to do my Overlord Award I swear. But today I just need to rant. Sort of.

Up to this point I've been pretty cramp-free. I had one at 2dp6dt, but that was it. Today I've been having awful pains. It feels, honestly, like stretching around my ovary and lower. It does not, in any way, feel like AF cramps. The two cycles before IVF I got AF on 11dpo. That would be today. I looked at my blog from last cycle, and at 11dpo I had the kind of cramps where you run to the bathroom expecting AF. Starting on day 14 I had sensations that feel similar to what I have today, but they hurt so much I had to call my nurse. I'm not sure what to make of it and I'm trying not to think too hard. But the part of me that overanalyzes everything says "Well, no AF cramps, and you have stretching feelings... that's different!".  I'm trying not to though!

I really want to POAS but Andy won't let me. It's frustrating because I keep thinking that this could really be it. Except for day 8, I've been extremely positive. I've had all sorts of symptoms starting a day or two ago. I've been even more emotional than usual, having crazy vivid dreams, and all sorts of stomach issues. Yesterday my head felt fuzzy and I slept for 15 hours. Not that any of this means anything, but it COULD.

The pain is actually pretty bad right now. I love that I haven't had AF cramps, but.. whatever this is it doesn't feel good. I'm hoping and praying it's good news. When I got it last time it started on day 14, and it was bad news. But this is only day 11! So maybe it's my ute preparing for the baby. I hope so. Gosh I want this baby so bad. It looks like such a perfect embryo and my lining was good and...  ahhhhhh I hate the 2ww. I'm going to be devastated if this doesn't work because I've been SO positive. My whole family is convinced that this worked. And there's no way to tell this early for sure. I ... I can't even explain in words how much I want this. There's SO MUCH going on in my body right now and I don't understand any of it. I want it to be because my body is preparing for a baby.

I need to stop talking. I'm crazy in love with this little one and so glad to not have AF cramps at this point in time. I could do without the gastro-intestinal issues. And I'd love it if my ovary didn't feel like it was stretching my insides apart so it could crawl out. But.. if it's for the baby I'll take it. Over and over.

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