Tuesday, August 25, 2015

A Letter to Andrew

When Evie was very small, I wrote her letters in this blog. I had more time to devote because I came into the office every day, and I only had one small child. I haven't written as many to Andrew as my time is so fleeting between both kids and constant illness. But I want to. So here is my letter to Andrew.

My Dearest Andrew,

I love you with all that I am. You bring me so much joy and you complete our little family. Sometimes I think about how impossible it was for you to be here. After dealing with infertility and IVF and my kidneys and your early birth, to look at you is truly to look upon a miracle. You are my sweet sunshine, and I am your world. I can see it when I look at you. When you look into my eyes it's like you're staring into my soul. You don't look through me... it's like you think you can read my mind. Maybe you can for as well as we understand each other without spoken language.

I love the way I pick you up when you're sleepy, and you go completely limp in my arms, safe and comfy with my heart beating against you. I love how independent you are - the way you walk and roam and play and always find things to do, but also always return to me - to home base. Even if it's just for a moment to stand between my knees and giggle at the chuggers on TV with a tiny bit of support for your tired legs. I love when I'm sitting on the floor and you race towards me, falling into my lap giggling, waiting patiently to be tickled. And when you're not feeling quite so patient and take my hands and put them on your legs! I love how you're a little engineer. You love to figure out how things work and solve problems. Yesterday you turned the Xbox on and off for 3 solid minutes because you figured out that you could make it light up and make noises. And you're so proud of yourself when you figure out how to do something, like climb up onto the couch. I love when I hold you and you chew on my shoulder, and when you raise up your arms expecting tickles. You're so much like me. In the morning when I get you out of your crib, you quickly roll onto your belly and wait for me to rub your back. You laugh, and when I brush your cheek with my fingers you giggle and smile the sweetest little smile.

You were such an unexpected little blessing, but you've brought more joy into my life than I ever expected to experience. This morning I forgot my phone charger at home, and when I went to get it, daddy brought you to the door. I kissed your head and you put your arms out for me, but daddy took you inside so I could go to work. I heard you whining and my heart ached for you. I never want to leave you and I never want you to be sad. I love you more than I will ever be able to express in words, my sweet Littlest. Please always know that you and your sister are the best things that ever happened to me, and I thank God each and every day for you both.

Love always and forever,