22 Weeks and 2 Days

Things have been progressing so smoothly this pregnancy. I don't want to jinx it but I'm happy about the way things are going. There is some concern about my blood pressure, but when I just had it checked it was 136/75 which is much better than how I spent most of my pregnancy with Evie. I have less than two weeks until V-Day, I haven't thrown up in a few days (nor felt sick but once in a while) and I still feel pretty good. I'm seeing the OB every two weeks, plus getting a growth ultrasound every 4 weeks, and starting at 32 weeks I'll have twice weekly NSTs. It's going to be a lot of doctor's visits, but if it can keep me out of the hospital and off bed rest then that's OK. It was January before we started noticing real problems in my pregnancy with Evie. I know my kidneys are worse off this time, but I'm thankful to have made it this far.

Really I can't believe how fast it has gone. Pretty soon it will be Christmas, and at that point we really have to start getting everything out of the spare room and moving furniture from E's room in there. And getting her a toddler bed. I don't feel comfortable giving her a toddler bed without a video monitor though, and since ours broke again, we're going to need something with 2 cameras and they're so expensive. We need to think about a theme for the nursery, and I need to start putting his clothes away. Right now everything is just piling up like crazy. And while I feel good, I'm still tired out from being pregnant, chasing an almost 2 year old, working full time, and kidney disease, so finding time to organize is so not at the top of my priority list. I planned to do a lot of it over the Thanksgiving break but now I have to fly to St. Louis that Sunday. Which sucks, but I need the comp time for traveling for work.

Evie is doing OK. I think she's getting at least 2 teeth though so she's been a little cranky and waking up at 4AM the last few nights. I want these teeth to come through for her. I've been trying to keep her occupied with trips and fun things. We went to the park the other day.

She loves the park. One of her favorite things is the big metal climbing dome. She doesn't climb it, though. She just climbs under it and hangs out in her own little spot. So far she's come out on her own, which is great because my belly will not fit in there! She also loves slides, but this particular slide was too high up to let her go up on her own, so she decided to climb the slide itself instead.

A Pregnancy Story

I don't think I've talked about this too much, but I kind of want to record my pregnancy story this time around. I know most of my followers are from the IF community, so please know that this was a spontaneous pregnancy if you want to read or not read :) Andy and I wanted more kids. We'd thought pretty hard about transferring one of our three embryos when E was 2-2.5. I didn't really want more than a 3 year age gap, but anything smaller scared me. She was a handful and I wanted to do the Cellcept to see if it could help my kidneys first. Since we were considered an infertile couple, and there was very little action in our house, we didn't worry about it unexpected pregnancy. I noticed signs of ovulation sometimes, but I never tested with OPKs or did any of that stuff because since Andy had MFI, it just wasn't in the cards for us. I had my period on 5/25, and on 6/8 we finally got some "alone time". What would be the only time that month. I was pretty sure I felt myself ovulate on the 9th. I get mittleschmertz so I can usually tell. It was funny because it was day 15 and normally I ovulate later when I do ovulate. I remember thinking to myself "Oh that's funny! The timing is right on". Of course the timing had been right on for so many months and nothing happened. And even fertile couples with that timing usually did it a few more times around ovulation. An infertile couple with 1 shot, where my ovulation is funny and Andy has MFI? Nah. Around that time a friend of mine who also was considered infertile announced that she was pregnant. She'd gotten pregnant the month after her IVF baby was born. I was admittedly jealous, and thought "man, urban legends really happen!" but there was a little flinch for one second where something said "that's going to be me". And I laughed because we weren't one of THOSE couples. The lucky ones who defy the odds. I mean kidney failure adds to infertility and my kidneys were worse than when we were diagnosed! On 6/20 I took a test. I think I planned to have some drinks that night and I thought since my period usually comes at 11DPO, and it was 11DPO, I should just make sure. It was negative. I came back a few hours later and thought I saw a shadow, but Andy said I was crazy, it was HOURS after the time limit, and that was that. I'd said a prayer to God before I took the test that whatever happened, it was His plan for us, so I accepted the negative and said I'd test in a week if I still didn't have my period. The next day, 6/21, 12DPO, I had an all day meeting. I was taking notes for some big wigs, and at one point my boobs hurt so bad I couldn't concentrate. It was strange because I often get twinges post-ovulation, but this was different. I laughed and said "Well it's a good thing I tested last night because this would make me paranoid"! I went about my business, each day expecting my period and it didn't come. The next Wednesday, 17DPO, I still didn't have my period. I assumed I was wrong and I didn't ovulate when I thought. I was meeting my friends for game night, and as I was driving there, I coughed. That cough was kind of a signal to me because when it happened, I felt like my uterus was going to fly out of my butt. It's an odd feeling I've only ever had when pregnant. I told one of my friends about it and she begged me to take a test. I told her I didn't want to because I already had and it was negative, and I was tired of negative tests. We weren't planning on another baby for a bit, but I had baby fever and I knew I'd be upset. I did promise her I'd take one when I got home after preparing myself for the stark white test window. I stopped at Rite Aid on the way home and got a pack of cheap Answer sticks. The kind that registers like 50+mu HCG because I didn't want to waste money. On the way home I said another prayer: "God, whatever the results of this test may be, please let them be what Your plan is in our lives". When I got home, I found a little cup, peed, and put the test strip in it and set it on the counter. It was 11:30pm. I sat there for a minute because I can never wait and not look at the test. When I looked up at it, I saw a line. It wasn't "dark" but there's no way I was imagining it. I didn't have to squint. But I didn't believe it, so I got up and got in the shower and told myself I was crazy and it would be negative when I got out of the shower. It was a quick shower. I dried off and walked over and there it was. Two lines. And they were dark. I still couldn't believe it so I went downstairs and woke up my husband who'd fallen asleep on the couch. This time he saw it too, but he wasn't ready to believe it so he went back to sleep. I couldn't sleep. I remember texting my friend "WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP" lol. No one was up to talk to me. Somehow I eventually went to sleep. Andy was just not processing it well. He'd been out of work and we just didn't know how we would afford it. I was calm because I'd prayed about it. I told him I'd tell my parents, who were coming to watch E that day, so they didn't wonder why he was being weird. I called them from the cafeteria at work and told them I had something to tell them. They flipped out. They were so excited. And by the end of the day, Andy was excited, too. We started talking about how crazy it was that it was actually happening, and that we just couldn't believe it. We now know we're having a baby boy. We're both beyond thrilled, and I pray every night just about for our new addition. It's going to be a lot of work and a big adjustment, but we're so blessed to be able to complete our family when we never even knew if we'd have ONE child.

Reflections and Thoughts 20w6d

Things are moving right along. I am 20w6d today, and I can NOT believe it's going by so quickly. I've been looking through my journal from E and comparing things. Apparently at this point with E I hadn't thrown up in 11 days. Yeah... not so much haha. And I happened across a photo from 20w5d! Here is my bump, 2 years apart! 20w5d with E on 11/01/11, and 20w6d with baby boy, 10/18/13. I think it's pretty close. Maybe a tiny bit more pronounced this time? But, he was 15oz! at the anatomy scan, whereas E was 8. His was 11 days later, so he should be bigger, but he's a LOT bigger!

Emotionally I think I'm in a similar spot. Honestly I've been feeling pretty good the last few days. I'm struggling with coming to terms with being back at work. E had a hard time last night going to bed and I just held her and cried a bit because I didn't want to be without her either. Andy is back to his first full day of daddy daycare. Apparently halfway through her diaper change she started asking for me because she's so used to me. Fortunately I get to wake up with her tomorrow and I think that will help.

Andy still hasn't found a job. He had 3 interviews yesterday and has 1 on Monday. Some of them would be great jobs, but they are interviewing so many people. I just hope they realize he's the one for them because we need it, but he's also such a great worker. And he looks for jobs ALL DAY LONG. We really need to get some bills paid off and save some money for maternity leave, so I just pray someone hires him. Especially since Christmas is coming up. I don't feel the need to buy a TON for E. She's still little. But I do want to get her a Tag Junior, a Bubble Guppies Chair, and The Little Mermaid and maybe a few small toys or books. I'd like to have the money for that. I'm traveling for work before Christmas so I'll get a little extra from that. But if Andy had a job we'd be fine. He's trying so hard.

I can't believe it's almost November. I'm going to take off the day after Thanksgiving so we can clear out the baby's room. Right now it's a guest room, and we have a lot of re-arranging to do before we can fit everything in it in other places. Once it's cleared out we need to either paint, or just start putting all his stuff in there. I need to organize my room before all that though. And I NEED to go through our junk and just get rid of stuff! I think tomorrow E and I are going to pick out a few things for baby brother because... well.. we need stuff haha. My mom bought a few outfits and she got him his own glow seahorse. He'll need more clothes, and some accessories like bibs and things. I think I have a better handle on what I'll actually use though now. Like for E, I bought dresses, but didn't put her in them until she was 6+ months because there's no point. Not that I'd buy dresses for him, but I mean it was hard to keep socks on her, so she was in sleepers most of the time. That sort of thing. I had like.. 1 or 2 "outfits" for when we went out in that first month, but 99% of the time she was in onesies and sleepers. So I won't buy a ton of stuff I know I won't use.

The other thing I've been thinking about, especially today is... WHAT? How did I get here? How did I get to be expecting a naturally-conceived second baby just under two years from E's timeline. It still doesn't feel like all that long ago that I was LONGING for a baby. Worried it wouldn't happen. Worried my kidneys would fail. It doesn't seem that long since we had a failed IVF cycle and I thought "Well that's the last step and even it didn't work". And now? Now I have not one but two beautiful babies? I am so blessed and so fortunate and so thankful to God for my children. Children I didn't know I'd have, and tried SO hard to trust in God over. And now they're mine. And I will forever be grateful for both of my miracles.

Furlough Fun

The last few weeks have been amazing. I work for the government and I was furloughed. Yes, financially it's been rough, but I got to spend two full weeks with my daughter, which is something I didn't think I'd ever get to do. I got to wake up with her, put her down for every nap, put her to bed every night, and hang out with her all day. We started attending play groups, and my parents have agreed to keep taking her at least sometimes when they are watching her. We went to a new park that she loved, and bonded and got even closer than we ever have been, which I didn't think was possible. I had to hold back tears as I pulled out of the driveway, looking at her sweet little face staring at me from the window. It's hard. It's so incredibly hard to be away from her. Especially now that I know what I'm missing. I'll always cherish the time I got to spend with her. She's my first baby and I adore her. Here are a few photos from the last two weeks. I didn't take a ton because I was just so into being with her.