Emotionally I think I'm in a similar spot. Honestly I've been feeling pretty good the last few days. I'm struggling with coming to terms with being back at work. E had a hard time last night going to bed and I just held her and cried a bit because I didn't want to be without her either. Andy is back to his first full day of daddy daycare. Apparently halfway through her diaper change she started asking for me because she's so used to me. Fortunately I get to wake up with her tomorrow and I think that will help.
Andy still hasn't found a job. He had 3 interviews yesterday and has 1 on Monday. Some of them would be great jobs, but they are interviewing so many people. I just hope they realize he's the one for them because we need it, but he's also such a great worker. And he looks for jobs ALL DAY LONG. We really need to get some bills paid off and save some money for maternity leave, so I just pray someone hires him. Especially since Christmas is coming up. I don't feel the need to buy a TON for E. She's still little. But I do want to get her a Tag Junior, a Bubble Guppies Chair, and The Little Mermaid and maybe a few small toys or books. I'd like to have the money for that. I'm traveling for work before Christmas so I'll get a little extra from that. But if Andy had a job we'd be fine. He's trying so hard.
I can't believe it's almost November. I'm going to take off the day after Thanksgiving so we can clear out the baby's room. Right now it's a guest room, and we have a lot of re-arranging to do before we can fit everything in it in other places. Once it's cleared out we need to either paint, or just start putting all his stuff in there. I need to organize my room before all that though. And I NEED to go through our junk and just get rid of stuff! I think tomorrow E and I are going to pick out a few things for baby brother because... well.. we need stuff haha. My mom bought a few outfits and she got him his own glow seahorse. He'll need more clothes, and some accessories like bibs and things. I think I have a better handle on what I'll actually use though now. Like for E, I bought dresses, but didn't put her in them until she was 6+ months because there's no point. Not that I'd buy dresses for him, but I mean it was hard to keep socks on her, so she was in sleepers most of the time. That sort of thing. I had like.. 1 or 2 "outfits" for when we went out in that first month, but 99% of the time she was in onesies and sleepers. So I won't buy a ton of stuff I know I won't use.
The other thing I've been thinking about, especially today is... WHAT? How did I get here? How did I get to be expecting a naturally-conceived second baby just under two years from E's timeline. It still doesn't feel like all that long ago that I was LONGING for a baby. Worried it wouldn't happen. Worried my kidneys would fail. It doesn't seem that long since we had a failed IVF cycle and I thought "Well that's the last step and even it didn't work". And now? Now I have not one but two beautiful babies? I am so blessed and so fortunate and so thankful to God for my children. Children I didn't know I'd have, and tried SO hard to trust in God over. And now they're mine. And I will forever be grateful for both of my miracles.
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