Monday, January 31, 2011

Well, I'm only 8dpo but the cramps started today, so I'm expecting my period in a few days. It's annoying, but I'm certain now, looking at my chart and over my signs, that I ovulated, so that's good. I was getting pretty concerned, so even though it's late at least it happened. And hopefully next month will be earlier. I'm not looking forward to getting my period this month but it's got a different feel to it. Yes, it means I'm not pregnant but it is also the start to the IVF cycle in a way. We'll get the bloodwork done and be ready to move on if we don't get pregnant in February. That's pretty exciting. I'm down about 5 pounds now so I still have a few to go. I only lost 1/2 a pound last week, but... it's something, so that's OK. Hopefully I'll lose more this week.

One thing I do need to do is RELAX. I don't think relaxing will make me get pregnant, but if I were an embryo, I wouldn't want to implant in this body right now, either. My OCD is out of control again and it's causing serious marital stress, and personal stress as well. My parents are starry-eyed over my husband, who tries SO HARD to deal with it. They invited him to come stay with them to get away from me lol. I just need to calm down. I've ben focusing on doing things that I enjoy to keep my mind off of it. I upped my medication as well since the OB said a higher dose wouldn't make a difference with the baby. Maybe I'm on the wrong medication, but Andy is so frustrated with me. I always think he should leave because I'm such a mess, but he always says no way, we'll ge through it, and he'll always be there for me. He's fantastic and I hate that my OCD focuses on him and tries to make me think otherwise. I need to realize that none of this stuff matters and let it go. I hope the meds start working soon and I can feel better. I want to bring a baby into a healthy, calm body and into a stable, happy world. I'd love to get this under control before continuing to try to conceive, but I know my history and I know I can work this out. I tend to have a few months every 5 years or so where the OCD is really bad. It's just taking longer this time to get it back under control so I need to work harder and I need to cut myself and my husband some slack. We need time to relax and be together, but I'm not letting that happen. I'm just praying and doing what I can to get through this time and come out on the other side. Our marriage will be better for it, too. It's amazing to know just how willing to stick by me my husband is. It makes me feel so supported and strong and happy knowing my baby and I will be so well cared for. I just want to be the collected, normal mom my baby and my husband deserve, so I'm going to do whatever I have to to make that happen. And FAST. I will be better. I want a child more than anything, and I know I can't wait this out, so I'm just going to have to make myself power through it. I'm stronger than OCD and am GOING to give my child and husband the great life they deserve to have with me.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

My boobs hurt. This has nothing to do with being "preggers" (have I ever mentioned how much I HATE that word?) but I do think it means I ovulated. I've decided that my post-O ovary and boob stabbing pains are from progesterone, so that's a good thing. Do I have any actual pregnancy signs? Not 1. I'm frustrated... I guess part of me thought "Hey, February marks 1 year since you started trying! Maybe this'll be it!" but I don't think so now. It's not that there's no chance I am. We tried the day I ovulated... I'm just feeling pessimistic because of the morph issues. I feel like we need more sperm to make it happen, so once isn't going to cut it.

I was going to post some pictures, but hubby is home so I'm not going to. Later maybe!

Friday, January 28, 2011

I'm 5dpo today and grasping at things that could be symptoms. Implantation can start this early, but really, I have nothing. A few pains here and there that are nothing I haven't felt before. I have so little hope for this cycle and it makes me sad. I don't know what I expect - for some surefire sign to sweep down and prove we did it? It's silly, I know. I've been following Weight Watchers but not losing weight this week, which is rather depressing. I know I won't meet the requirement by February. Hopefully by March. And still I want this to work. I guess next month we'll try again, without the soy, letting nature take its course. I just have to wait this out. I wish I had little symptoms to get excited about, but I don't have that. Oh well, 8 more days until I get my period and can start a new cycle.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hooray for crosshairs! My temp went up just a teeny bit today, but all my temps are above the coverline, and all but 2 pre-O temps were below it. It looks like I'm SO CLOSE to the coverline but they put it super high... at my highest of temps rather than at an average. Out of 17 Pre-O temp-taking days, only 4 were around the coverline, so otherwise it would look like a very clear shift. It's still there, but not as obvious as I'd like it to be. But, the lines are solid so that's good. Unfortunately, I'm not sure about our timing. It shows I ovulated on Sunday, and we did try on Sunday, but we tried to try on Saturday and had a problem lol. It's funny thinking about it, but it won't be in a few weeks if I have a negative test! We'll just say we tried something new and it backfired lol. But I did use pre-seed, so hopefully the little guys swam faster and got to the egg while it was good. I've already started the phantom symptom watch. Today (3DPO, mind you) my heartburn is out of control and my right lower abdomen feels weird/painful. What does this mean? Absolutely nothing, but it's still fun to think about. They changed my due date based on Ovulation, so it's not longer my anniversary, but 10/16. Meaning 38 weeks would still be in October and I'd looooove an October baby. Still, my hopes are about nil that this is our month. I'm trying to be positive because we did try and it is possible, but at the same time I know the odds are against us. I suppose we'll see what happens, but hopefully this will be it. And if nothing else, I should be on day 3 before I leave for WI, so I shouldn't miss out on this day 3 testing.

I'm currently praying for a snow day tomorrow because I've been SUPER stressed. My mom keeps telling me to chill out because stress can affect fertility. She's not saying "just relax and it will happen" but "hey, stress makes it worse". And I can take that since my stress is not baby-making-related and I DO need to chill out about it. Last night I told Andy I loved him and "the baby" did too. He made the cutest face ever, so that made me happy. We should have had a snow day today because I drove to work on packed snow instead of pavement, and the worst is yet to come. Maybe I should be glad that in February since I'm forced to take a cab from the airport, I won't have to drive on this:

Yep, that's a road in WI. And I thought we had it bad. So anyway, there's something to be grateful for on this unfortunate lack of a snow day. I could be driving in that!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Well my temp went down some today, but it was still higher than the highest temp I've had all month, so that's a good thing. I just hope we didn't miss O. I mean in theory, looking at my chart, it would've happend on Sunday, but if for some weird reason it was Saturday morning then we definitely missed it. although I shouldn't have gotten a +OPK Saturday night if I Od in the morning. Only time will tell. This waiting game is a pain in the ass!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Well... I'm really not sure what the deal is with my body and the lack of CM, but given my OPKs and my crazy temp rise, I might have ovulated yesterday. If so, I think we sort of caught it. We had a little mishap with our baby-making the night before, but yesterday went as planned lol. I guess time will tell. I'm posting my chart here 'cause I like looking at it. My temp was .4 degrees higher than the highest temp I've had all month. I actually woke up sweating. I had a shitty night last night full of anxiety, but that doesn't normally affect my temps so we'll see.

My OPKs didn't look positive at first, but I actually kept all of my OPKs this month and they were way darker, and then when I looked closely, the darkest part of the test line was as dark as the control line. I hate that.. I wish they would be even, but it never happens that way. I'm going to do another tonight to make sure it's getting lighter. I certainly don't think a 97.2 temp counts as a fever so hopefully it's just progesterone. I thought  I had tell-tale ovulation signs Saturday morning but then my temperature went down the next day so I guess not. If so we totally missed it. Anyway, we'll see what happens but I hope this is it!!!!!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Now I'm starting to get REALLY nervous. I got a massive amount of CM, but I don't know if it was watery or not. I couldn't tell. The problem is if I don't ovulate soon, I won't get my period soon, and I'll be in Wisconsin when I'm supposed to be getting day 3 bloodwork. This is going to push me back a whole month! This is aside from the fact that we have been so excited to try this month... if I can't even get the bloodwork done it's going to be another let-down. I mean.. chances are I won't be at the right weight until March anyway, but I'm just scared they're going to say "Now that we have the blood work, we'll take this month to come up with a plan" and I won't get started on BCPs until April. That wouldn't really be so bad but I'm just nervous something else will happen the longer we wait. I just want to start the process and I hope that we can. Please cooperate, body. I want this baby!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Well, still no signs of impending ovulation. It's upsetting because I've put so much faith in this month... so much hope. And without ovulation there will be no baby. I suppose it's less disappointing than it cold be since we're already planning on IVF, but I hope it doesn't mean my hormones are totally screwed when I do my Day 3 bloodwork... if I get a period, which is questionable without ovulation. It's been a strange cycle, and my pregnant co-worker says I need to test if it doesn't come soon. I'm only on day 18, but people do ovulate early occasionally. It doesn't look like it from my temps, but I had spotting mid-cycle which I've only had once. And it wasn't just spotting.. it was dark CM for 2 days. The other time it was one tiny spot once. It could be because I ran out of Synthroid for a few days, too, but.. I guess time will tell. My uterus feels weird and I hope that doesn't mean something is wrong. I really want to ovulate... I want to have a chance to have a baby this month and my body is failing me. I'm depressed... and I hope something happens soon. I want that hope back.. the 2WW. *sigh* I guess only the next few days will tell.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My diet has been going extremely well! I know it's only been 3 days now, but I feel great. The plan is similar, but the differences seem to be helpful. I am definitely eating enough and I didn't feel like I was on older plans. At the same time, I feel like I'm eating better foods, and I'm not overeating. Yesterday I made a casserole that I got 4 meals out of and I put them in individual containers in the fridge so I could grab them and go. I also cut up chicken for fajitas and cut up individual portions of chicken that I can oven-fry in a couple of minutes for dinner. I'm really excited about it honestly. Now I have to split my beef up into hamburgers and stuff for lasagna which I plan to make maybe on Sunday to get meals for the week out of. I know I'm losing weight already, and I feel better, too.

I talked to my nurse this morning. We're doing day 3 bloodwork next month and they're going to weigh me. I don't know if I can lose the weight by then - it should be about 3 weeks from now. But we'll see. If not, I should definitely be there by March, so if she takes my weight and it's too high, I'm going to tell her I've lost most of it and ask if we can plan on starting the next month. I hope she says yes. I don't want to have to wait until April to start just because I need to get weighed in March. If we go ahead planning on a March start I should be OK. I have a business trip in April and I'll need to get someone else to go out there if I'm going to be stimming or doing retrieval and transfer then. I think actually if we start in March the trip falls right about when I'd be doing retrieval or transfer, but if we start in April I'll still be on BCPs.. but I don't care, I want to start in March! I can only do what I can do with my weight. As of yesterday morning I was 279.6 and I need to be 271. I could lose that in 3 weeks, but that's by my scale and I think theirs will weigh me higher because I'll have clothes on and stuff. Hopefully if I'm 273 or 274 they'll say I'm close enough and assume that in the next month (February is a testing month) I 'll be ready to go for March. They're strict but I really don't want to waste a month on 3 pounds!! Time will tell. I'm excited!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Having a "long" cycle is driving me nuts. I put it in quotes so as not to send the ladies out there with longer or nonexistant cycles into fits of well-deserved rage. I guess a better way to put it is "I hate everyone that has a 28 day cycle and ovulates before day 14". I think I'm just nervous this cycle. I'm not convinced I've really been ovulating on the prednisone, and I just want to see signs that I am. I went through my cycles and it seems I generally get good CM starting on day 15-17 and O about 3 days later. This is really not bad, but I guess because I'm hyping this cycle up so much I feel like the last 12 days have been an eternity, and I keep hearing after day 18 your egg quality goes down! I am afraid that I'm hyping it up so much that I'm going to be extremely disappointed if I'm not pregnant. I was thinking about that this morning. I know chances aren't great that we'll get pregnant. But I keep telling myself that with good timing and stuff we could have a shot. And I know if I get my period I'll want to cry. And Andy will want to cry. But at least we know that if these next two months don't work we'll get to do the IVF and have a REAL, good shot.

Andy asked me the other day what our chances were this month. I told him probably about 5%. If a normal couple is 20%, and we have issues, I think that's fair. I suppose it might even be a little higher than that. But I'm an optimist so 5% is still a chance. People have overcome greater odds before. I also joined weight watchers again. They re-vamped their program to focus on different aspects of nutrition, so rather than counting calories their points system looks at carbs, fat, fiber, and protein. Higher carb foods are a higher points value now. But you also get more points. I put together this fantastic plan for a day of food that included:

  • 2 egg whites, 3 slices of turkey bacon, 1 piece of toast with jelly and margarine spray, and a cup of grapes
  • A tuna salad sandwich, 2 more egg whites, and some carrots with light ranch dip
  • Cottage cheese and applesauce (do other people do this??)
  • Broccoli chicken divan over rice
  • Edy's ice cream
I mean.. that's a good amount of food! And it was within my points with 1 left over. I think I can definitely stick to a plan where I get to eat that much. It's just going to require cooking meals, measuirng things, and waking up with enough time to eat breakfast. But I want this baby, so I will do this. Plus I spent $50 on the plan. My friend who is also dealing with infertility (another negative - they started in June, and there is a chance her endo tumor is growing back :() is on the program as well so we're going to support each other. So while this cycle FEELs like it's been 4000 years, I know it hasn't, and I'm going to throw myself into eating better to get my mind off of it. We're on our way to IVF and I'm excited... what better motivator?

Thursday, January 13, 2011

You never really think you'll miss peeing all over yourself until you don't do it for a while. Yes, peeing in the tiny little cups I use to dip my OPKs in usually results in me peeing all over myself. I've come to think of urine as more of a serum of life than a puddle of waste products. Why? Well, because having it means my kidneys work, and it's the first place I'll go to find out I'm carrying a baby. How bad could it be, right? In any case, on day 11 my OPK was negative. I expected as much, but having taken soy I wanted to be certain my generally late ovulation didn't come early. My ovaries have been hurting like crazy. I get a lot of pain on and off on most months, but today has been nuts. My boobs hurt and both ovaries hurt. They feel swollen and I'm really hoping this means I'm growing some good eggs. My husband is still ready for all the action once I get my +OPK, and I'm prettying myself up for him so we can start getting it on in the next couple days as I enter my "fertile period". I am very excited for this month. Perhaps there will be multiple targets, and, with more sperm than usual, more of a chance that one little sperm can find an egg. We'll see.. but I'm looking forward to it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

It looks like we might be getting some money back on our tax returns this year. This makes me very happy. We both are in dire need of a vacation from all the stresses of our lives, so we decided to go to Chicago for a while in July. My husband is an avid baseball fan and he's in love with the Chicago White Sox, so I decided that we were going there to see them play. It's not a full week or anything. We'll probably leave late afternoon on Wednesday and come home on Monday night. But we still get 4 full days in Chicago to see some games and explore and hang out together. We're hoping to have a third along for the ride. Andy deserves something good. He tries so hard to be everything for me. He deals with my OCD. He moves the bookcase clutter after I only tell him once that I hate bookcase clutter. He calls me 6 times on his day off and tells me he misses me when I come home. He tells me I'm beautiful pretty much every day.. and no matter how un-beautiful I'm feeling. We fight... sure... but I never ever feel unloved and unappreciated. He works his ass off at home.. cleaning everything because I get so tired. He works his ass of at work. He's just a great guy and I'm so happy to have him. He deserves this. And I'm going to be very happy if we can pay for it with tax returns! It'll be so nice to have the tickets bought and the hotel booked. I can't wait to see his face when he enters US Cellular for the first time. And, of course, he puts his hand on my belly and promises his baby he'll bring him back when he comes out. I hope we're pregnant by then. But no matter what, we deserve to have some fun!!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Well, I'm not dead. I was pretty sure I might be when I tried my temperature last night before bed and it was 91. I tried both thermometers. And I went to sleep hoping I wouldn't be ravenous for brains or anything. When I awoke and took my temperature it had risen to 96 something. I'm pretty sure dead people's temps dont rise, so I've reached the conclusion that I am, in fact, still alive. I may not have been when I checked last night, but something has happened since then.

I also received a call from my nurse today. I wonder if she knows how I've longed to hear her voice? Well she needs everything in writing before they write up a plan, and I still need to lose 14 pounds, so we're probably going to have to wait until March for the IVF. In the mean time we're trying to decide if a February natural cycle is the way to go or if we should give an IUI a shot just to see what happens. We're undecided. But either way I must lose the weight by March to start the IVF. If it works, we're looking at a late December baby... and I really don't want my baby to come on Christmas! So hopefully the timing will work out so the baby is born in mid-December. I'd much rather have this work and have a Christmas baby than not, though, so if Christmas it is, then bring it on!

In the mean time, we'll be taking friends' advice and trying "the old fashioned way" at least for now. And I have no complaints there. For now? A nap.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Two blogs in one day! This can only mean one thing... I have an announcement!


I called my nurse at the RE and she should call me back tomorrow. We should be able to get started as soon as I get my period (if I get it)! We have the money ready and the high risk OB is signing off! I am SO EXCITED. My mom came with me and she was thrilled. She called my dad before I could! Andy is happy but he's at work so he didn't get to be as excited as I wanted him to be lol. I believe we'll start BCPs when I get my period. I just can't believe it. I really could have a baby this year! It's amazing!!

Still Alive... For Now!

I think I'm dead. I haven't confirmed this yet, but I'm pretty certain that I am actually a zombie. I generally have low temperatures (high 96s or low 97s) when I wake up, but today's temperature was actually a little frightening. It started off in the high 96s on day 4 or so, but today I was in the 95s! How can I still be alive?? Does this mean my hormones are terribly confused? Or do I just run low and had a particularly cold night? Anyway, this is what my chart looks like:

I must be dying slowly. I hope it goes back up tomorrow 'cause it's a little scary. But look at all my "Fertile" days lol. That's only because I've ovulated anywhere between CD16 and 21 multiple times. I hope this is our month!!!!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Last night my parents had a party for a lot of our friends and family. Andy actually got out of work early enough to be able to go. We had a lot of fun but we weren't expecting the baby comments. I got a couple "We're hoping for good news from you soon!" comments, and I thought they were talking about my kidneys at first. A few people accosted Andy without me though, and confirmed that they were talking about babies. They also forced a very uncomfortable conversation about how we should "keep trying and have fun" and how it's still fun 37 years later. Wow. That's a conversation I'm glad I didn't have to have, but I'm sorry Andy did lol. I was definitely feeling a little pressure, but we're very open about our struggles, so I know they all meant it in the most supportive of ways.

I am trying not to set myself up for disappointment, but I just want this month to be it for us. We're doing the best we can. And I have my beautiful baby Rio to comfort me.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Holy hot dreams, batman! It's been so long since I took soy that I completely forgot about this side effect. Every time I close my eyes I have sex dreams. The majority are actually about my husband, so when I wake up I'm like "heeeeyyyy hubby......" haha. I always figured part of my lack of sex drive was hormonal, and I think the fact that soy definitely helps proves that to a degree. But it also proves that it's doing something. It's scary how excited I am about this month. I get up every day excited to take my temperature and write it down. I'm so hoping I get better temps this month from the soy. And the lower doses of prednisone. I still have that appointment on Monday and I'm SO hoping she says we can start the IVF because if she does we can start as soon as I get my period... but I hope I don't get it because I'm pregnant! I've decided that we just need to have sex like 40 times over the three days once I get my +OPK. With Andy's 5% morph, if we have sex 3x as much as normal people, it'll be the same number of normal sperm as if we had a normal count and had sex once, right!? It'll be like he doesn't have a morph issue! That's what I've decided. So once I get my +OPK, we're going to have sex twice that day and once the next.. 3 times over 24 hours. I hope I can get hubs to agree. But he really wants this baby and he really wants it naturally. And.. he's male. So it shouldn't take much convincing.

Friday, January 7, 2011

In the spirit of being excited about babies, I picked out a crib today! My doctor, and a Hopkins high risk OB have both said that as long as my creatinine stays under 1.4 I should have an uneventful pregnancy. Seeing that 1.0 in my email made me feel good. My kidneys are still doing their job. Yes, they're leaking, but they're still filtering. It makes me feel a little better. And I love picking out baby stuff. So here's the crib and dresser:

I am thoroughly in love with this set! I've always danced around the idea of various cribs, but I saw this one and fell in love right away. I'm also going to get a rocker. I have a bookcase that my dad made me as well. I really need to get pregnant so I can put the nursery together and go into stores looking at baby clothes with the intention of buying instead of holding up cute outfits and wishing I had a baby to put in them! 

I'm brimming with excitement right now. This can't be good!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Well the results are finally in. My creatinine is 1.0, which is good, but my protein is still 5600. It's less than 6000, but it's apparently not a significant decrease because he said it was basically the same. This is obviously not good news, but it's really what I expected. I had only been on the medication for a little over 2 months, so I'm hoping that when I do another test it's a little better. I didn't take the medicine as well as I should have with the last dosage of 80. But I'm on track again so hopefully it won't affect too much. The thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that when I first started seeing this doctor back in February of 2009, by creatinine was about .95 or so, and it's bounced around between that and 1.2 since then, so it's essentially stayed the same for 2 years. That's a good thing that I try to keep in mind.

Monday my mom and I are going to the high risk OB. I told my mom I might tear up and she'll have to talk. Our plan is to tell her what my nephrologist said he told her - that this is the best my kidneys are going to get, so if we want to go through with the IVF it should be now. And that I'm willing to do anything to protect my baby and keep myself safe, but that we're going to try with or without her help. Andy has 5% morph and a slightly low count, but that doesn't mean we won't conceive. It might take longer but it can happen. But given my health, the faster the better. So I hope she helps us. We're going to beg and plead if nothing else works. I wish Andy could come with me but he can't. He's given his blessing to our plan though.

My coworker, who got married 3 months after we started trying to conceive and who got pregnant on her honeymoon, is 35 weeks now and getting ready for the baby. It's sort of depressing. Her baby had hiccups today and I got to feel the baby moving. It was really sweet. I could just imagine her in there hiccuping and moving around. She's 6lb 4 oz as of yesterday. My other friend says she's late, though I don't think she knows exactly when she ovulates. They've been trying for 6 months and she has endo so it would be great for her if she got pregnant. It'd be hard, but she understands what I'm going through so she'd understand that it's tough. And she's super excited to have a baby too, so I hope it works out for her soon. I've always had a silly wish that we would get pregnant very close to each other so neither of us had to deal with the jealousy.

I bought OPKs today! I'm so excited about that. And I'm going to get more preseed to help the sperm. His motility is actually pretty good.. 58% I think? But I'm hoping it helps some of the ones that might move a little slower to get where they need to be. We're so looking forward to this month. I just want it to work! But because I'm so happy to be back on the trying train (with a somewhat improved sex drive and better chances because we'll be having sex more than once during my fertile period) I'm going to go look at some baby stuff! I may post what I find.

Edit: Ok so I totally didn't find the cute thing I was looking for. But I'll tell you what I did find. If we got pregnant this month, based on LMP, our baby's official due date would be 10/10. Our anniversary! I know, I know.. everyone always looks for "signs". But it's still cool. My 38 week due date since I'm delivering early would be the 26th. But I honestly think our baby is going to come closer to 34 weeks anyway. It's just a feeling. I hope it stays in there until 38, but... I feel 34. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I talked to Andy a little bit last night about this upcoming cycle. He says he has a "good feeling". This isn't the first time he's said this. He tends to have a good feeling every month, but I do feel better about it than I have in the past. I think a lot of it has to do with the HSG. I've always gotten so many random, weird pains throughout my cycle and I was a little afraid there would be something wrong because of this. Knowing that everything is actually OK in there feels good. I think I'm going to try the soy just for an extra push. It tends to make my OPKs come out as definite positives which I think is a good sign hormonally. How cool would it be for us to get pregnant on our own after all the things we've dealt with in 2010? I'm not expecting it, but I know we're going to give it our all. It would be a great birthday present for my mom, whose birthday falls just after we'd get our first ultrasound. She's been so pumped about having a grandbaby.

I still don't have my test results, but that's OK. I'm ready to get this month started either way. I'm so early I can't do anything yet, but I am so hopeful. Probably too hopeful. I got a pout from hubs when I told him my period started this month and we were told not to try because of the HSG. I know next month he'll be really disappointed as we start year 2 of TTC. I hope this is our year. We want this so much.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

AF came this evening... after 5 so tomorrow counts as CD 1. I would think this means I ovulated when I thought I did - last Wednesday, but my temps were so low that I was thinking I was wrong. Maybe I'm just not producing enough progesterone. The good news is tomorrow starts a new cycle and we are pumped. I'm going to get some OPKs this month, and we're going to try to go as close to every other day as possible from around day 10. I know we're probably still dealing with the morph issues, but there's so much controversy about morph and if we have enough sex we'll definitely get the timing right. In previous months we'd only do it like.. 1 time during my fertile window so we're going to up that by a lot. I'm a little more hopeful this month because now I know that I have open tubes, so in theory there should be something to fertilize.

Normally I have pretty much no sex drive at all, but I've been working on it and I am really making some progress, so I think we're both feeling better about that part of our relationship and it'll feel more like fun than work this time around. We're both excited about the process again and that's really cool. Andy actually said today, "as often as we're doing it now we may not need IVF". I reminded him that the IVF is because of my kidneys, but it was still cool. It's neat for us to feel like we may have a chance going into this month. I'm excited for the 2WW again. I'm not sure how much of a shot we have with my temps not going up too much, but I might be reading into it, and so I've decided to be excited.

It's just nice to feel like "hey, we could get pregnant this month" again. I can't wait until my period is done and I can start peeing on sticks lol. And I should be getting my latest test results this week for my kidneys so we'll see what happens!