Well, I'm only 8dpo but the cramps started today, so I'm expecting my period in a few days. It's annoying, but I'm certain now, looking at my chart and over my signs, that I ovulated, so that's good. I was getting pretty concerned, so even though it's late at least it happened. And hopefully next month will be earlier. I'm not looking forward to getting my period this month but it's got a different feel to it. Yes, it means I'm not pregnant but it is also the start to the IVF cycle in a way. We'll get the bloodwork done and be ready to move on if we don't get pregnant in February. That's pretty exciting. I'm down about 5 pounds now so I still have a few to go. I only lost 1/2 a pound last week, but... it's something, so that's OK. Hopefully I'll lose more this week.

One thing I do need to do is RELAX. I don't think relaxing will make me get pregnant, but if I were an embryo, I wouldn't want to implant in this body right now, either. My OCD is out of control again and it's causing serious marital stress, and personal stress as well. My parents are starry-eyed over my husband, who tries SO HARD to deal with it. They invited him to come stay with them to get away from me lol. I just need to calm down. I've ben focusing on doing things that I enjoy to keep my mind off of it. I upped my medication as well since the OB said a higher dose wouldn't make a difference with the baby. Maybe I'm on the wrong medication, but Andy is so frustrated with me. I always think he should leave because I'm such a mess, but he always says no way, we'll ge through it, and he'll always be there for me. He's fantastic and I hate that my OCD focuses on him and tries to make me think otherwise. I need to realize that none of this stuff matters and let it go. I hope the meds start working soon and I can feel better. I want to bring a baby into a healthy, calm body and into a stable, happy world. I'd love to get this under control before continuing to try to conceive, but I know my history and I know I can work this out. I tend to have a few months every 5 years or so where the OCD is really bad. It's just taking longer this time to get it back under control so I need to work harder and I need to cut myself and my husband some slack. We need time to relax and be together, but I'm not letting that happen. I'm just praying and doing what I can to get through this time and come out on the other side. Our marriage will be better for it, too. It's amazing to know just how willing to stick by me my husband is. It makes me feel so supported and strong and happy knowing my baby and I will be so well cared for. I just want to be the collected, normal mom my baby and my husband deserve, so I'm going to do whatever I have to to make that happen. And FAST. I will be better. I want a child more than anything, and I know I can't wait this out, so I'm just going to have to make myself power through it. I'm stronger than OCD and am GOING to give my child and husband the great life they deserve to have with me.