Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Revelations for A

A and I had an interesting conversation last night about what he expects things to be like when the baby comes. It made me realize just how naive he is about newborns. I think I used to have an idealisitc view of babies. They wake up, you feed and change them, put them in a swing, they fall back asleep, and you can clean and do whatever you want. Over the last few years of infertility and just general inquiry, I've discovered this is just not the way it works. I don't think Andy has realized this yet. When he got home last night I was in bed resting (this infection needs to leave me alone!) and he came up to sit with me for a while. Somehow we got on the topic of maternity leave and he mentioned that he'd like to get a second job while I'm out to supplement income. It would be one or two nights a week delivering pizzas or something simple just to make some extra cash. He'll be going back to school full time when I go back to work, so it would only be for a short time. I explained to him that he's not going to like that because he's going to want to spend time with the baby, and he agreed, but we also realized it would only really be 1 or two nights, and most of the time he'll be home at 5:00 to hang out with us. Plus we'll have all day Tuesday and Sunday. So basically, it's no big deal to me if he wants to do that because whenever he's not at work we'll all be together.

This sparked the next part of the conversation, which began with "And since you're home all day you can do the cleaning so I don't have to". Now let me add here that A cleans everything. I do.. pretty much no housework. I empty the dishwasher and clean bathrooms sometimes. So when he said this he wasn't trying to be a jerk. It was just this.. sweet naivete that I would have a lot of free time. He said I had a "big job" taking care of the baby, but the way he said it was just like "since the baby's going to sleep, you'll have tons of time to do whatever you want". It made me laugh. And then I explained that I was going to be extremely tired because the baby would be waking up all night long to eat. Sometimes not going back down to sleep for hours. He said he would help, which was sweet, but I don't think he realizes that even a bottle feeding means.. get up, get the baby, make the bottle, warm it up, feed baby, change baby, comfort baby... etc. And he'll be working in the morning. And sometimes the baby might sleep in 20 minute intervals. And sometimes it won't go back down for hours.

Now that's not to say I don't plan to do the cleaning. I do. I just know it's going to be a lot more complicated than we think right now. I can see myself putting the baby in the swing, getting half a floor mopped, stopping because the baby's screaming already, spending an hour calming it, and having to start over. I'm definitely getting a baby carrier so I'm hoping I can wear the baby to do laundry and stuff. But I'm sure something will come up with that too.

All in all it was just an interesting conversation. I'm prepared for things changing drastically, but I'm sure just how much will surprise me. And I know A's not even where I am understanding things. I think there's going to be a lot of laughter and tears throughout the first few months from all 3 of us. It's going to be an interesting time and I'm so excited for it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

It's official. This kid isn't going to make things easy on me! I had my 16 week checkup today. I was hoping for a gender but that didn't happen, and that's OK. My BP was 154/65. It was 154/84 last time so the systolic is high but diastolic is very good. And I haven't taken my Aldomet in days because I've been having trouble keeping things down, so hopefully when I start that up again it'll drop some. So the good news is it hasn't gotten higher, and there's tons of room to up the dose if we need to. My next appointment is at 20 weeks.

So I did the bp and peed in a cup, which I assume was still just protein since they didn't say anything but "get your 24 hour urine" which I completely forgot to do. So that's on the docket for next week.

Then we tried to get the heartbeat on the doppler.. and he couldn't find it! He put the wand on my belly and we didn't hear anything and he kept looking and saying my baby was difficult. I've been expecting a difficult baby after the last ultrasound and considering its parents... but I was freaking out. I could feel my heart rate getting faster and he suggested we go to the ultrasound machine. He put the wand on and I couldn't figure out what anything on the screen was!! But he pointed out a few things and I figured out it was just because the baby looks so different from last time! Once I figured out the orientation I could see it little heart beating away, and then I got to hear it. It was in the 150s. He pointed out that the baby was head down, which I can only assume is to get into good kicking the ribs position. It moved a few times which was cute. I couldn't get over how big it is! Baby looks proportionate now, and I could see the spine and everything which was really cool.  I figure the pain really low in my abdomen is from the baby's head since I now know it's so low.

I have to get AFP blood work tomorrow and I'm not at all excited. I was hoping not to do anymore blood work because it just makes me worry, so I'm just hoping and praying it's normal. I don't want to worry until the anatomy scan again. So here's hoping everything continues to go well. All looks great so far.

Edit: Forgot to add, I'm up 1 pound from 4 weeks ago, when I was up 2 pounds. So 3 pounds total since I started at the OB! Woo hoo! Although I sort of cheated because I've been sick and not eating much. Not on purpose though.

Monday, September 26, 2011

This Is Gross, and TMI.

I think (hope) I hit a low point in the pregnancy this weekend. Meaning... if anything more embarrassing happens I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I felt like I had a tickle in my throat on Friday so I was coughing all day. When I got home Friday night I felt like maybe my throat hurt a little bit. I went to sleep and in the middle of the night it was very clear that I was sick. I woke up Saturday and went right to Urgent Care where they diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection. I got antibiotics and rested all day. Although I threw up twice - including throwing up my medicine. Generally, if I swallow enough phlegm when I'm sick, I get queasy, but I've never thrown up for it. I guess since I'm already weak in the stomach from being pregnant it just made it worse. So Andy waited on me hand and foot all day. He was so sweet. I went to sleep and didn't really feel better Sunday. I intended to spend the day in bed so I laid there and watched tv with my tissues and water and my inhaler and everything. At one point I felt like my stomach was a bit off so I asked Andy to bring me a coke. He did, and I took a sip... and proceeded to throw up. Repeatedly. All over my bed and all over me. All over my pillows, blankets... a towel Andy got me to clean up with because I was still throwing up by the time he got back. So he helps me get to the shower where I strip off my vomit-covered clothes. I'm waiting for the water to get warm and I start coughing. At which point pee starts trickling down my leg 'cause little one is pressing on my bladder. So I'm standing there, vomit-covered, peeing myself with my husband standing there. I get in the shower and he proceeds to clean up the entire mess. He starts stripping the bed and pillows and getting everything in the wash and I'm sobbing in the shower apologizing.

So, not only does Andy clean up all of the mess, but he tells me not to apologize, and he's only mad because I wouldn't take a trash can earlier to throw up in. I told him I was embarrassed and he said "what? I didn't see anything". He's so freaking sweet. And since I was so sick he kept up with the laundry all day, waited on me - constantly getting me everything I needed, making me food... and he made the bed so I could sleep upstairs again!

So I'm really hoping I don't end up with a similar story later on. My mom friends all seem to have similar stories - "I peed myself and pooped on the delivery table". But... I suppose at least if I do, I know Andy will be a sweetheart about it.

I'm out of work today, which means I only have 1 day left to be able to take off work and keep my maternity plans the way I have them. Otherwise I have to look at taking less than 12 weeks, or using more leave without pay which I really don't want to do. So hopefully I can not get sick before March!

It's going to be a short week since I'd already planned to have Friday off for a wedding. Still, I'd rather be at work. I want to spend as much time with my baby as I can when it comes. I can't believe it's almost October.

The good news is I am starting to feel better. My cough is a bit worse today but I think a lot of the junk is actually coming out. I can breathe a little through my nose, too, and that's good. I don't know what I would've done without hubby this weekend, though. And now I have a trash can next to me. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

Putting on My Boxing Gloves

I'm pretty sure I'm going to fist fight my much-adored OB on Tuesday at my appointment. He was absolutely certain I'd be feeling better. Maybe I should bring him all the vomit from the last 3 weeks of not feeling better! Just kidding - that's really gross. But maybe I can use it as leverage to make him give me the ultrasound I'm supposed to get anyway. I'm thinking of asking for a gender guess since I'll be almost 16 weeks. Chances of little one cooperating? About 1/1,000,000, but a girl can dream.

Still, I'll be happy to know baby is in there and thriving, so even a doppler is something... though I'm curious about the growth. I'd guess by the size of my belly that baby is growing, but I'd still like to see.

Tonight I'm going to a party at my parents' house and expecting belly rubs from strangers since there will be lots of alcohol. I got some yesterday, so why not? The belly rub count is now at 3 lol. I'm only 15 weeks!!!

In other news, I watched a cop jump off a bridge into a reservoir today. Fully clothed, with vest... climbed up on the side, crossed his arms, and jumped. The bridge has got to be 30 or 40 feet high and the water.. it's got to be cold right now with all the rain we've had and the temps being so low at night. He was with 2 other guys and they just watched. The cop cars' lights were flashing... I have no idea what was going on. But that's my interesting sighting for the day.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Update Survey

Edited because I am an idiot...

How far along? 14 weeks 5 6 days.

Next Appointment: Tuesday. According to my Peri, I should be getting an ultrasound, so hopefully he'll do one. Otherwise just BP and pee in a cup.

Weight gain/loss: I finally crossed the threshold of the 5 pounds I was hovering around. I'm not really sure what my starting weight was, so I'm going to go by my doctor's scale on Tuesday. My guess is somewhere around 6-8 pounds.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Stretch marks? Er.. I had them before I got pregnant, so... yeah.

Sleep? Well I hit a high mark of waking up 5 times a night to pee. I also wake up every single time I need to turn over. So all in all, sleep sucks.

Best moment this week? Looking down at my belly and saying "Holy crap! Where'd that come from!?"

Food cravings: Waffles. I'm indulging at lunch today.

Odd pregnancy symptom of the week: Nothing really. Still sneezing.

Genders: Not sure, but we might be able to see on Tuesday!

Belly button in or out? In thank God. The belly button going "out" scares me more than labor!

Movement? Not yet. It could start soon though and I can't wait!

What I miss? Comfortable sleep and staying up past 10.

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move!

Weekly wisdom: Dr. Google is not your friend.

Milestones: Little one is making urine and peeing in me now. And can suck its thumb!

Belly pic:

I don't know if it looks bigger than the last one in this pic but it definitely is. It sticks out more in the front and is very firm and round now.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Weekend Interrupted

Unfortunately I didn't get 1/4 of the things I'd planned to do this weekend done. Instead, I walked into the house Friday night and was scared to death by the LOUDEST NOISE EVER. It sounded like a giant fan and I thought maybe my appliances were on fire or something crazy. And then I noticed this:

This is part of a dehumidifier that was brought in to dry out the ceiling in the dining room. They finally came to remove the mold and discovered a cracked pipe in the bathroom. That equipment came up to my waist. It was huge. And when I got into the dining room I found this:

That thing is also huge. And I looked up to find this:

That's about 2.5x2.5 feet of ceiling they ripped out. My guess is they'll finish the project sometime before Christmas but I could be wrong. And where did all that drywall go, you might be asking? Onto my floor!! And I was pleased to find that the bathroom was also covered in dry wall dust, footprints, and dirt. So rather than doing the things I wanted to do, I spent Saturday cleaning up the messes our maintenance guys left once the dehumidifier was picked up. I'm pissed to say the least, as they should've cleaned up their own mess. And that they only came in the first place because Andy said I was pregnant and there was mold. And they didn't fix the dishwasher they'd promised to fix. So all in all it was a craptastic Saturday.

I did buy a new set of sheets that I love, and new curtains I haven't had a chance to put up. I'm hoping I might get to do some of these things this weekend instead. A is home in Philly again, and I have a party Friday night, but Saturday I'd like to have some boxes so I can start organizing things and getting things ready to go to my parent's basement.

Baby S has started some new things, too. I have this weird soreness really low across my abdomen, just above my pubic bone. I think it's round ligament. It doesn't hurt that much, but I noticed it. And I had a really sharp, awful pain last night I also think was RLP. I really need to see this kid at the appointment next week. I need to know it's doing ok in there!

Sunday after I cleaned I did get some time to rest and watch movies with my favorite little boy. As evidenced here:

He has decided that my lap is his own personal lounge chair. I like it though, so it's OK. he has such a cute little tongue!

Andy is home safe and sound from the bachelor party and no worse for wear, though he's sore from all the walking. I'm glad to have him home cause I missed him! Tonight we get to hang out together and relax and I'm pretty excited. 3 weekends from now until our trip! Yay!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Plans, Plans, Plans

It's official. My OB lied. I did not start feeling better at 12 weeks. As a matter of fact, I woke up this morning and took a zofran. When I got up (only 3 times!) to go to the bathroom last night I was dry heaving so I knew I wouldn't feel well. I figured the Zofran would stave off any vomitting... not so! I went to pee (again) and subsequently threw up. All over my bathroom rug, and then in the shower. I broke tons of blood vessels (again) and now it hurts to swallow. Isn't this stuff supposed to stop in the second trimester? I'm taking it as a good sign that baby is doing its thing. I keep getting nervous that something is wrong since I haven't seen the baby in a few weeks, but I'm trying to just be positive and wait until my next appointment at 15w5d. In theory I should be getting an ultrasound, but if nothing else I think he'll let me hear the heartbeat.

In other news, we're officially invited to a Halloween party, and I'm going to be making matching costumes!

For Me:

For A:

His will have a slice of piza though! Again, from the fantastic Make it and Love it site. She's so freaking crafty it drives me nuts! I'm so excited to have matching costumes, and even my sweet little one gets a costume! Plus we're finding out the sex in October so I can put a little bow or a little tie on the baby!

This weekend is going to be pretty awesome because Andy is usually the one that pushes the house cleaning, and he's out of town, so I don't have to clean as long as I do the basics (dishes, laundry, etc.). Although I REALLY need to clean the bathrooms. I'm having dinner with the girls tonight, including Miss Megan, who is only 2.5 weeks behind me in her pregnancy! Tomorrow I'm finally planning on heading back to the gym to go swimming for as long as I possibly can. I REALLY hope I don't have to wait long for a lane. I think I'll go around noon when hopefully most folks are eating lunch. Then I'm going to come home and work on the house. Then bachelorette dinner, then movies and video games! Sunday I'm going to stay in and work on the house and I'm hoping to have made a big change by the time A gets home. I'm buying new curtains (thanks, devil cat for destroying them) and planning on having our bedroom completely sorted out and clean. I'll post before and after pictures of some of my projects!!

I also have to make a note on the fantastic weather. It's sunny with a high in the 60s. What I call a perfect day. It's SO CLOSE to Fall, and I'm so ready for it. It's time to "Fall up" my house with some decorations. I love holidays and I hope baby S. does too!

Our Ocean City trip is planned, so we'll be going there over Columbus Day weekend to hang out, play mini golf, shop on the boardwalk, play arcade games, see the haunted house and Ripley's museum, and just relax and hang out together! I have things to do every weekend coming up so I'm excited to spend this one doing exactly whatever I want. It's the last one until November that I can! And I'm going to enjoy the heck out of it.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Cute Husbands are All the Rage

My husband is adorable. My mom had asked me to send her a list of people I wanted invited to my baby shower. I think they're planning on having it a bit early since we think the baby is coming in February. It will probably be in January, and with it already being September and the holidays coming up I think people want to get started. I told Andy that Julie (best friend since birth) had asked me about when I wanted it, and so the following conversation ensued:

A: So who is throwing it then?
E: I guess my mom and my friends.
A: But I told you I was going to do it.
E: Honey.. you can't throw me a shower?
A: Why not?
E: Because that's like saying "Please give me presents for my own kid".
A: Oh.
E: When you said "I got this" I thought you just meant you wanted to help and tell people what I like.
A: No. I wanted to throw so it would be awesome.

Oh my God. He is so freaking cute. I told him as much, but explained that someone else would have to throw it. He was OK once I explained why.

This morning was the best morning I've had in a long time. A usually falls asleep downstairs watching tv (and sleeps like a rock, so there's no "come up when you wake up in the middle of the night"), but last night I told him no excuses - he has to come up and sleep in our bed. I woke up 4 separate times to pee (this is not unusual - even before the baby!) so I knew he was there. When he got up to go to work at 6 he rolled over, snuggled me in close, kissed me a million times and put his hand on my belly. Then he says "I love you both and I'm always going to protect you". Sleepily, I snuggled in and told him we know. Then he says he has to sleep with me every night because it makes him feel "so good".

I won't lie.. Andy and I both are big sleepers. And by "big" I mean we roll around and take up way more space than any one person should. Especially now that I have the boppy pillow. So not sleeping in the bed together is so much more comfortable. But waking up with him is just music for my soul. And apparently his, too. We haven't been getting to spend a lot of time together because he's been working so, so much the last few weeks/months. He has overtime available and has been wanting to make extra money, so he usually leaves at 6:45am and gets home at 8:30-9:30. I'm usually in bed by 10 or 10:30, which means we see almost none of each other and it sucks. I know things are just going to get more hectic when the baby is actually here, and I could spend almost every minute with A and be happy. So hopefully things will calm down and we'll get to hang out.

14 weeks next week. I can't believe how fast it's going.

Friday, September 9, 2011

And It Starts.

I've spent a lot of money on clothes in the last month or so. And I mean that. We're talking probably close to $400. I think it's every woman's dream to buy a whole new wardrobe, but I also feel like a might need a lobotomy for spending this kind of money on clothes I'll be wearing for 6 months (OK maybe 7 or 8. I know those bumps don't disappear overnight). Being pregnant in the winter brings a whole new set of concerns - like needing a winter coat. I should note, here, that I hate coats. I hate them. I spent my entire college life wearing sweatshirts when it was 10 degrees out in Frostburg (FROSTburg) so I could avoid coats. I discovered the peacoat some years later, and I like it more than other coats. And I figure I should probably be somewhat responsible since a human is trying to grow in my body and try to keep it warm. I did it. I bought this:

It was on sale for $39.99 from $85 and I figured it would be relatively ridiculous to pass this up, since I'll be 20 weeks in November when it starts getting cold (Have I mentioned that my doctor congratulated on me on "timing" the baby to come so I'd be pregnant in the winter? Yes, RE. I gave you thousands of dollars for IVF with the express purpose of timing the baby to come in March).

The sad thing is I've shopped amazing sales, used online coupons and rebate sites, and I've still come away with 2 pairs of work pants, 2 pairs of jeans, and like... 4 shirts. How does this add up to so much money? I still need more shirts! And I'm questioning how long the "under belly" pants are going to last.

In other news, the belly rubbing has begun. My close friend did it on Wednesday. She said it was time because the baby looks like a baby. But then my boss did it today! Now I'm one of those people that always assumed I would simply punch anyone who touched my belly. What no one ever tells you is that when people rub your belly it makes them giggly and incredibly happy. So now I feel like I don't want to take that happiness away from them. So unless it's a stranger, I think I might let people rub my belly. I'm not a huge fan, but just doing my part for morale I suppose.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Survey

How far along? 13 weeks today!

Next Appointment: September 27th. Just a checkup.

Weight gain/loss: At the doctor, +2, but at home I haven't gained anything as of last time I checked.

Maternity clothes? Yes! I wore a pair of regular jeans to dinner on Saturday and regretted it. They're so tight now!
Stretch marks? I get stretch marks very easily. I had some before and now I've got new ones. I think it's from the baby since I haven't really gained anything.

Sleep? Mostly crap. I got up a lot to pee pre-pregnancy and now I get up even more. And I wake up every time I turn over.

Best moment this week? Getting the call with our final results from the NT scan.

Food cravings: Nothing really. I'm eating whatever I can handle at this point.

Odd pregnancy symptom of the week: Sneezing. Since I've gotten pregnant, I sneeze ALL the time. I don't have itchy, water eyes or anything.. I just sneeze!
Genders: Not Sure

Belly button in or out? In. I hope it stays in!

Movement? Not yet. I feel "stuff" but it's not movement. I hope that starts in a few weeks though.

What I miss? Going a whole day without feeling nauseated. And sweet 'n low.

What I'm looking forward to: Taking a nap. Getting up at 5:30 and I do not get along.

Weekly wisdom: Buy a pregnancy pillow early. You will not regret it.

Milestones: As of today, baby will start peeing in my uterus! Hooray!

Belly pic: I just posted one. No more!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

And Finally... (3 post day FTW)

The "bump" that I keep hearing looks like a baby bump.

I've always had a lot of "extra" but it's starting to round out and it looks like baby even to me! I need to document these somewhere but I've been nervous to post them so I figured I'd start here. This is 12w5d.

Feeling Crafty

OK so maybe I've been a terrible blogger. Just maybe. I have no idea when the last time I posted was, or if my baby was even visible to the naked eye then. It is now, if you were curious. And it even has two arms, two legs, and the cutest little belly I've ever seen. The more time that goes by in this pregnancy (I'll be 13 weeks Thursday) the more I want to clean and craft! This might have something to do with the fact that I've kept my breakfast down for 4 straight days. It may not. But suffice it to say, I want to make things, and I want my house to be thoroughly cleaned.

If I'm being completely honest here, I would really love for someone else to do the cleaning part. And, still being honest, Andy cleans soooo much more than I do. But I want someone to go into the bathrooms and get in all those little crevices where spiders may be lurking and clean them out for good. I don't want to risk spiders - I'm pregnant, after all (that's a good excuse, right?).

Seeing  as there is no way this is going to happen, I'm going to have to suck it up and get in those grimy corners myself. It's not that I never clean them, but.. I haven't since I've been pregnant. I've honestly been feeling awful for many weeks between nausea and sacroilliac pain.  And fatigue! Can't forget that. So I'm excusing myself from doing a terrible job with the bathrooms, and promising I will clean them soon. Somehow I feel less pressed when EVERYTHING in my house is broken and no one ever comes to fix it. We had a hole in our ceiling for 4 weeks. It was patched 3 weeks ago but still hasn't been sanded down. But I guess that's OK since the leak that cause it is still occuring, and now encompasses about a 3'x2' area of cealing in our dining room. Note to management: FIX MY DINING ROOM OR DEAL WITH MY HORMONAL WRATH!

Anyway, I'm also interested in making some things. Like these...

Also from makeit and love it (like the puff quilt from the other day), as you can see. Since my baby's due in March (but coming in February - I swear) it will need sweet little hats to keep its gorgeous little head warm.

I'm also planning on doing some DIY projects in the nursery. I'm sort of completely in love with vinyl decals, and I'd kill for a Sillhouette and I might just buy this one

This one is about $189 but I would love to make things with this for the baby's room and the house in general. I'm seriously considering purchasing it, but I've already spent way too much money today and I really shouldn't....

Someone talk me down.

Ok. I think I'm good. Anyway... I'm feeling crafty and cleany and I want everything to be perfect for when little one arrives. Since I've got about 24-25 weeks left, I should probably get started now. It sort of takes me forever to do anything. I need another 3 day weekend, and I've got one coming up for Columbus Day, so I think I'm going to be crafting.. and I'm totally psyched.

NT Update

This was a long weekend in a lot of ways. I wanted to enjoy having three days off in a row but it wasn't easy with the NT scan looming over my head. I felt in my heart like things were fine, but I wanted to hear from the genetic counselor that it was a negative screen, and I kept thinking of all the possibilities. Andy wasn't worried. He said he would've been happy with 1:50, but I don't think I could have. I was trying to figure out at what point I would get an amnio since I'd always said I wouldn't do it. Well this morning we found out we don't have to think about that!

The genetic counselor called at 8:45 this morning. She knew how worried we were, and it was amazing to get to hear the results standing with Andy. The official numbers are 1:2700 for Down's, and 1:10,000+ for trisomy 13 or 18. For my age the number is 1:600 something so we are absolutely thrilled with these results. It's not a perfect test, and anything is possible, but I feel like I can rest a lot easier. And I need to note that the phone rang as soon as Andy and I said our prayer for our little one. God is amazing!

I feel like I can get back to enjoying things now. I rub my belly when I cough as if it'll provide some comfort to my teeny little one who really hates coughing lol. And I'll be 13 weeks Thursday and finally telling people! I'm still a little unhappy that baby measured a little behind last week (2 or 4 days.. not sure which. Photo says 11w5days and I was 12 weeks), but I really think the measurement was a little off because it wasn't cooperating, and the doctors weren't concerned at all. I'm hoping I get an ultrasound at my next appointment at the end of this month.

And apparently my belly is changing shape! I noticed this myself because I've lost some weight (stupid morning sickness) but I'm getting stretch marks anyway. My pants are REALY tight now so I'm in maternity pretty much all the time. But it's neat that other people are noticing. I'm overweight anyway so it's cool to hear that my belly is turning into a baby belly lol.

So.. good news today. I'm thrilled, Andy is thrilled, and here's a crappy cell phone picture of the baby!

Its little hands are up by its head, and the black spot is where the femur would be. It has its legs curled up a little towards its chest. And the nose is not that big.. it was moving a lot during the ultrasound. It looks like it has big feet though! Its chin was tucked into its chest the entire time which is why I think the crown rump length was a teeny bit off. OMG I love this kid.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Freaking NT Scan...

I don't want to be writing this post. Yesterday was not the fantastic, glorious day I'd planned on. I never questioned the NT scan. I figured we'd sit and watch our baby for 30-45 minutes. I didn't think we'd get bad news. But we did, like we always do.

The baby's NT measurement was 2.3, which is about the 96th percentile, which means an increased risk for chromosomal abnormalities. My mom and I were shocked and confused. We asked a lot of questions, and nothing helped. They couldn't tell us anything. Nothing definite. And I sat there wondering how, after everything I've gone through to get where I am, I could still have more problems - more to worry about. We opted to go forward with the blood work, and I should get the results on Tuesday.

I'm confused for so many reasons. I'd always read that under 3 was OK. But apparently it should be under 2.2 for a baby my baby's size. It was measuring 2 days behind, which somehow put it in the 5th percentile for size. Which I also don't get considering it's measured ahead all this time. One freaking tenth of a millimeter and I have to go through this. I cried for most of last night, and I wish I could have a definitive answer without risking my baby's health, but I can't.

So here's what I learned with my questioning:

  1. With a measurement like my baby's, "well over" 90% end up completely fine.
  2. The baby's size and NT measurement can be off when the baby has his neck flexed, which ours seemed to.
  3. Our kid did not want to cooperate, and it was very difficult to get the pictures.
  4. The baby does have a nasal bone, which is often not seen in trisomy babies.
  5. They took the measurement about 6 times. At least one of those was 1.7. Apparently the tech takes what they think are the most accurate measurements, and then chooses the largest of those, so 2.3 was our largest, and 1.7 was our smallest. Of course they couldn't take an average.
I also spent a lot of time on google today. And by a lot, I mean ALL. I didn't get a ratio risk, but I'll get one on Tuesday. For instance, for my age it's 1:900, but the NT will make that worse. Hopefully the blood work will balance it out. I know that even a positive screen still doesn't mean the baby has an issue. Even a 1/30, which is a really high risk, means 29 of those babies will be normal.

I prayed last night long and hard about it, and I felt peaceful at first, but then I worried every time I woke up at night. I want my blood work and I want it now.

We really don't want to do CVS or an amnio, and I think I would only consider that if our results were very, very bad. I don't want to risk miscarriage. I don't want to think about this for 4 straight days.

So what's the good news? Baby looked awesome. The heart rate was 168, and it was moving around a ton. I've discovered it doesn't like when I cough. From what we could see, all of the parts looked in order. It has two arms and two legs, and two hemispheres of the brain. I read that in a lot of trisomy cases, you can see problems on the scan, so it's good that we didn't have any.

When asked about my gut feeling, I've said I think everything is fine. And I do. My parents do, and Andy does, but this baby is inside my body. I feel like my feelings count for a little more in the accuracy department, and I just really think everything is OK. I hope the blood work confirms so I can rest a bit easier until my anatomy scan in 7 weeks. At that point they should be able to do a thorough examination and find any markers for problems.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the weekend. I'm trying, once again, to place this in God's hands, but the mom in me is throwing a tantrum. I don't want my baby to face any extra difficulties. I want to protect it in any way possible. I know there's nothing I can do to change anything right now, so I'll just keep praying and trying to stay positive. I love this baby no matter what. I love watching all its little movements. I apologize to it now when I cough. I'm so in love, and I NEED things to be OK.