Revelations for A

A and I had an interesting conversation last night about what he expects things to be like when the baby comes. It made me realize just how naive he is about newborns. I think I used to have an idealisitc view of babies. They wake up, you feed and change them, put them in a swing, they fall back asleep, and you can clean and do whatever you want. Over the last few years of infertility and just general inquiry, I've discovered this is just not the way it works. I don't think Andy has realized this yet. When he got home last night I was in bed resting (this infection needs to leave me alone!) and he came up to sit with me for a while. Somehow we got on the topic of maternity leave and he mentioned that he'd like to get a second job while I'm out to supplement income. It would be one or two nights a week delivering pizzas or something simple just to make some extra cash. He'll be going back to school full time when I go back to work, so it would only be for a short time. I explained to him that he's not going to like that because he's going to want to spend time with the baby, and he agreed, but we also realized it would only really be 1 or two nights, and most of the time he'll be home at 5:00 to hang out with us. Plus we'll have all day Tuesday and Sunday. So basically, it's no big deal to me if he wants to do that because whenever he's not at work we'll all be together.

This sparked the next part of the conversation, which began with "And since you're home all day you can do the cleaning so I don't have to". Now let me add here that A cleans everything. I do.. pretty much no housework. I empty the dishwasher and clean bathrooms sometimes. So when he said this he wasn't trying to be a jerk. It was just this.. sweet naivete that I would have a lot of free time. He said I had a "big job" taking care of the baby, but the way he said it was just like "since the baby's going to sleep, you'll have tons of time to do whatever you want". It made me laugh. And then I explained that I was going to be extremely tired because the baby would be waking up all night long to eat. Sometimes not going back down to sleep for hours. He said he would help, which was sweet, but I don't think he realizes that even a bottle feeding means.. get up, get the baby, make the bottle, warm it up, feed baby, change baby, comfort baby... etc. And he'll be working in the morning. And sometimes the baby might sleep in 20 minute intervals. And sometimes it won't go back down for hours.

Now that's not to say I don't plan to do the cleaning. I do. I just know it's going to be a lot more complicated than we think right now. I can see myself putting the baby in the swing, getting half a floor mopped, stopping because the baby's screaming already, spending an hour calming it, and having to start over. I'm definitely getting a baby carrier so I'm hoping I can wear the baby to do laundry and stuff. But I'm sure something will come up with that too.

All in all it was just an interesting conversation. I'm prepared for things changing drastically, but I'm sure just how much will surprise me. And I know A's not even where I am understanding things. I think there's going to be a lot of laughter and tears throughout the first few months from all 3 of us. It's going to be an interesting time and I'm so excited for it.