Freaking NT Scan...

I don't want to be writing this post. Yesterday was not the fantastic, glorious day I'd planned on. I never questioned the NT scan. I figured we'd sit and watch our baby for 30-45 minutes. I didn't think we'd get bad news. But we did, like we always do.

The baby's NT measurement was 2.3, which is about the 96th percentile, which means an increased risk for chromosomal abnormalities. My mom and I were shocked and confused. We asked a lot of questions, and nothing helped. They couldn't tell us anything. Nothing definite. And I sat there wondering how, after everything I've gone through to get where I am, I could still have more problems - more to worry about. We opted to go forward with the blood work, and I should get the results on Tuesday.

I'm confused for so many reasons. I'd always read that under 3 was OK. But apparently it should be under 2.2 for a baby my baby's size. It was measuring 2 days behind, which somehow put it in the 5th percentile for size. Which I also don't get considering it's measured ahead all this time. One freaking tenth of a millimeter and I have to go through this. I cried for most of last night, and I wish I could have a definitive answer without risking my baby's health, but I can't.

So here's what I learned with my questioning:

1. With a measurement like my baby's, "well over" 90% end up completely fine.
2. The baby's size and NT measurement can be off when the baby has his neck flexed, which ours seemed to.
3. Our kid did not want to cooperate, and it was very difficult to get the pictures.
4. The baby does have a nasal bone, which is often not seen in trisomy babies.
5. They took the measurement about 6 times. At least one of those was 1.7. Apparently the tech takes what they think are the most accurate measurements, and then chooses the largest of those, so 2.3 was our largest, and 1.7 was our smallest. Of course they couldn't take an average.

I also spent a lot of time on google today. And by a lot, I mean ALL. I didn't get a ratio risk, but I'll get one on Tuesday. For instance, for my age it's 1:900, but the NT will make that worse. Hopefully the blood work will balance it out. I know that even a positive screen still doesn't mean the baby has an issue. Even a 1/30, which is a really high risk, means 29 of those babies will be normal.

I prayed last night long and hard about it, and I felt peaceful at first, but then I worried every time I woke up at night. I want my blood work and I want it now.

We really don't want to do CVS or an amnio, and I think I would only consider that if our results were very, very bad. I don't want to risk miscarriage. I don't want to think about this for 4 straight days.

So what's the good news? Baby looked awesome. The heart rate was 168, and it was moving around a ton. I've discovered it doesn't like when I cough. From what we could see, all of the parts looked in order. It has two arms and two legs, and two hemispheres of the brain. I read that in a lot of trisomy cases, you can see problems on the scan, so it's good that we didn't have any.

When asked about my gut feeling, I've said I think everything is fine. And I do. My parents do, and Andy does, but this baby is inside my body. I feel like my feelings count for a little more in the accuracy department, and I just really think everything is OK. I hope the blood work confirms so I can rest a bit easier until my anatomy scan in 7 weeks. At that point they should be able to do a thorough examination and find any markers for problems.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the weekend. I'm trying, once again, to place this in God's hands, but the mom in me is throwing a tantrum. I don't want my baby to face any extra difficulties. I want to protect it in any way possible. I know there's nothing I can do to change anything right now, so I'll just keep praying and trying to stay positive. I love this baby no matter what. I love watching all its little movements. I apologize to it now when I cough. I'm so in love, and I NEED things to be OK.