Fear

As predicted, I'm completely immersed in worry and doubt. I suppose it's sort of to be expected when one finds themselves knocked up after trying for a while. I terrify myself a little by looking at signatures on thebump. So many people have had chemical pregnancies and miscarriages and I wish I could be one of those women out there that is naive and doesn't realize these things exist. In my quest for reassurance I've talked with both my parents and Andy, as well as a co-worker, and have heard multiple iterations of "trust your baby!". And I think that, really, that's what I need to do.

I'm here, finally. So far it's real, and I hope and pray that my little one is growing and doing well. I hope my beta numbers are high. And I'm finding it difficult to just let go and enjoy this. And so I've decided it's time to really put my faith in God to the test. I have to trust that he will keep me and the baby well, and that everything will be OK. I know that things can happen, and I just pray that this is our take home baby. I'm just so in love with this little one already. I keep having all these crampy feelings of stretching and I suppose my body starting to make room in there. It's really neat. I'm a little nervous (ok a LOT nervous) but I'm done, again, trying to have control. I trust my baby. I trust God. And things will happen how they will happen. Hopefully it will be me delivering a gorgeous baby in 8 months. But I refuse to spend 8 months torturing myself. So for now, as far as I know, everything is fine. And I am hopeful and trusting that it will stay that way.