Tomorrow is POAS (pee on a stick) day. It's also mother's day, obviously. I've never seen a positive test that I've peed on that wasn't due to a trigger shot. And I'm scared. I don't want to stare at a stark white test window with one lonely line. I don't know why I feel so negative sometimes. I know it has something to do with only transferring one embryo, though I know one of this quality has a great chance of continued growth. A few days ago I had cramps that felt exactly like I was getting my period, and it made me think there was no hope. There's no other sign of my period coming, and I'm on progesterone, so I'm not sure what the cramps were, but.. can you get AF cramps on progesterone? I mean... AF cramps are your body prepping and shedding lining, and that's not happening. And sometimes I feel incredibly unlucky and assume I'll fall on the wrong side of 50/50. Or whatever the real statistics may be. I've been having the kind of cramps that you get and you run to the bathroom assuming you're bleeding. I've heard others say they've felt this way prior to a BFP, but it just feels so unlikely.

That's not to say I don't have hope. I do. Boy do I . I pray every day and talk to the little one. But I'm afraid if I let myself really believe, that the pain will be worse if I get bad news. I'm sure the pain will be just as bad either way, but I guess on some level I hope it softens the blow. I wish I knew what these cramps were from because they feel exactly like period cramps, but that just shouldn't be. I haven't seen any indication of impending blood, but it... I dunno.

Part of me feels bad because I think I won't be blessed with a child unless I truly believe It's going to happen. And that scares me too. I just want this so much, and I don't know what to feel. But I hope this happens for us.