Three Boring Weeks

This round of BCPs, there's nothing interesting going on. I'm all cleared, and just waiting for the time to pass. I have 2 weeks and 2 days left. Right now it seems like a millenium, but I have a feeling this week is going to go by fast, and the weekend certainly will as it always does. I'm spending this time doing what I can to get my finances in order. I can't plan for anything past this cycle, but I'm trying to get as much money into savings as I can, so I'm looking at anything I can do to make that happen. I had to spend $255 to get my car fixed this weekend, and Andy needs some expensive dental work done, and I'm glad we're financially able to sort these things out. It's not fun or easy paying for IF treatments, and it would be nice to be able to buy things just because we wanted them again. It would be nice to be pregnant and save money so I didn't have to use a ton of leave for maternity. But we're lucky to have jobs in this market, and insurance, and each other.

I keep getting worried about this cycle already. Thoughts that "I just can't sustain a pregnancy" or "All of my eggs are bad" and "This will never happen for us" keep creeping in and I keep pushing them away. I refuse to stress myself out like I did last time, and I refuse to dwell on the negative when there really are a lot of positives. I'm choosing to focus on the good - and the excitement at doing this again armed with a whole new bag of tricks and information. I'm also trying to start this new cycle healthier. I've been really focusing on Weight Watchers, and I'm happy with my progress so far. It's only been a day and a half, but I feel completely compelled and empowered to beat this emotional eating thing... and the little voice that just pushes me to keep eating when I'm not hungry. I would like to lose 15 pounds before my retrieval. That's only a month away, so it's a lot, but it's also the first real month, and I should be losing a lot of water with stepping down on the prednisone, too. And (thinking ahead again, but not being negative!) if this cycle didn't work, and we had to take the summer off to re-group before doing a FET in probably October, I'd have 4-5 months of weight loss under my belt, and that could be a significant difference. I am not thinking that's going to happen. I have every faith in our little ones. I'm just trying to see the positive in any scenario that could arise.

I'm going to the grocery store tonight to stock up on foods Andy and I can take to work. That'll help us to save money as well as get healthier. And I plan to start doing some real exercise. We've agreed to exercise together twice a week, and I'll go to the gym at least 2 other times. I'd really like to go swimming in the morning tomorrow, but I'm so nervous that once I get there all the lanes will be full. I suppose if that's the case I can still use the machines for a while, so I'm going to try to have Andy help get me up lol. Tonight I'm making a lean hamburger, green beans, and splurging a little with some mac n cheese, but preparing it with light margarine and skim milk.

I feel really awesome about this commitment this time. I feel awesome about this cycle. I just feel good in general right now, and I hope that keeps up. I'm really trying to lower my stress level this time and be a little calmer. I deserve it, and so does little S.