POAS #3

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This will be the last POAS. It looks like "lucky" test gets a reprieve from having my pee on it.

**Disclaimer - Baby boy, if you can hear me, I still love you and have faith in you. I hope and pray you're just being shy and make your appearance known in my blood test on Friday. This is just in case you've decided that now isn't your time.**

I am trying to remain hopeful, but it helps me to think about the future, too. To remember I have a beautiful blast waiting on me. I feel like if we'd put both of them in, I'd be pregnant right now... I'd have that + test already. I can't know this, but it hurts to know I'll never have 2 embryos put in. That I have to hope and pray every time that this 1 embryo is the right one. I wish my kidneys would shape up, so I could be normal, and put in 2 embryos. This is what I'm working with, though, and I have to hope that if baby boy doesn't want to stick around, that baby girl will.

I've decided that I'm going to make some changes if there's a "next time". I won't be telling ANYONE but my parents. I hadn't wanted everyone to know this time, but I let it slip. Not anymore. It's a frozen transfer so I only need 1 day off, and so I don't need to tell anyone at work.

Our insurance doesn't cover frozen transfers, which look like they're about 4 grand at SGFC. We're going to talk to our insurance company and appeal, and if it doesn't work, we're going to apply for shared help at SGFC, where they give you a discount on out of pocket costs. And hopefully we'd start in late June.

I have so many questions about this cycle. Why did my follies range from 11-32mm at trigger? What happened to the TEN follies that never grew? Is there a reason, if the embryo is good, that it wouldn't implant? Something wrong in my uterus? Could my immune system be causing this since my kidney disease is autoimmune?

And I know that sometimes it just plain doesn't work the first time. But I want answers.

I hope and pray and... wish and... bang my fists against the walls that this little one is sticking. According to betbase, the median HCG at 13dpo was 63, but the lowest reported with a successful pregnancy was 1. So there is STILL HOPE that my little one is sticking. I had those awful cramps at 10 and 11 DPO. If that was implantation he might just not have produced enough HCG yet. I'm done testing, but I still hope that my beta shows a little one in there.