My nephrologist's office called me today. They had a cancellation on Monday and want to squeeze me in. I accepted the appointment, but I don't want to go. I know where my kidneys stand, and there's nothing we can do, so why do I need to spend money to sit and talk about how my kidneys suck and we're out of options? My fear is that he'll tell me he doesn't think TTC is a good idea right now, and he'll tell the OB or my RE and they won't let us proceed. To be honest, my plan is to keep everything to myself from here on out. About everything. I went to 40 different appointments to find out that my creatinine is OK for baby having. And it still is, and that's good enough for me.
The only other treatment option out there for my disease requires a drug you can absolutely not take during pregnancy, and there's no proof it actually works. Plus, as I've mentioned before, the side effects are wretched. So, no thanks. I will do that only as a last resort. After this appointment I don't want to think, hear, or talk about kidneys for as long as possible. And I think the next course of action I'm going to choose is occasional monitoring until such a time as something needs to be done.
I want to focus on baby making while I still can. Sure, that part of my life sucks right now too, but I'm hopeful that the FET will work if this fresh cycle didn't. And I'm not willing to give up trying yet. I'll make the lifestyle changes I can, and hopefully it will help. And if not, one day I'll look at treatments. But not now. Now I'm going to try to enjoy life, have a baby, and then try to be normal for a little while. My husband promised me we'd have a biological child and he wouldn't lie to me, so we're going to make it happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment