Promise, Promises

In an effort to go all out to make us a success story, I've decided a few things:

1. That diet I've been talking about for years and never actually succeeded in sticking with? It's on.
2. That whole exercising thing I keep saying I'm going to do? I'm doing it.

Yep. These are words I've said 1000 times. Promises I've broken 1000 times. So no one has any real reason to believe me. I have doubts myself. But it's going to happen. It's going to happen because I miss the baby that didn't stick from our last cycle. And chances are slim it had anything to do with me. If it was viable, it probably would have stuck. But I don't care. I need to do this. And there are other reasons. My cholesterol, for instance. Not only do I have a genetic defect that causes high cholesterol (yes, I said genetic, and yes, I've thought about it) but my kidney problems cause high cholesterol. I can't take meds while trying to conceive, so I need to get pregnant immediately so I can take meds. And I need to lose weight so there's less cholesterol for my malfunctioning receptors to clean out. Plus, though he doesn't push it, the nephrologist has mentioned it could help my kidneys. So not only is it for the baby I want to conceive, but for the baby I will have who will need a mommy for as long as possible. And for me and for my husband. So I'm coming out with it. The unfortunate truth. This is a virtual model of me right now:

EEP! Yes, that's obese. Here's a model of me with a BMI of 24.9

Much better. That's actually 100 pounds difference. Right now my BMI is 39.9. Barely under the cutoff. If for some reason this fresh cycle does not work, I'm taking 3 months off to get healthier and lose 35 pounds. We'd expect the cycle to begin in October with BCPs. So 4 months to lose 35 pounds. This will put my BMI at 34.9. Still obese, but much better.

I think this cycle will work, though, and so starting tomorrow I will be eating healthier. Fewer processed foods, less sugar, etc. I know they say not to "diet" when TTC, but I don't consider cutting out crap and eating healthier and exercising a "diet". And I can't imagine it would be bad for the baby, so that's what I'm doing.

I'm feeling feisty. Bring it, world.