I Have a Schedule!

My cycle of emotional retardation continued last night. I was so upset about not going to Chicago, and I ended up crying while Andy held me about how I want him to have everything he wants. He told me he had everything he wants because he has me. I'm not making that up. I got upset thinking he didn't want to do this again, and he got a bit offended and said that's not true, but, again, he's not going to gush about it and obsess. We did get into a conversation about affording all of it, though. My parents were going to pay for freezing of embryos and let us pay them back, but I really don't want to do that, so we're paying the $1600 out of pocket for it if we have embryos to freeze. Planner that I am, we decided we'd do a second cycle if this one doesn't work. But if we have frosties we'll do those first. Andy said he's not sure about doing a third fresh cycle, though. I told him that's how many my insurance covers and I was comfortable doing 3, so if it comes to it we'll have to talk about that. I hope it doesn't take 3, but we'll see. I also told him I'd be miserable forever if I didn't have a baby. But he doesn't want to be flat broke at the end of it and still not have a baby. Which I do understand. We've made plans for him to go back to school full time next year which would cut out his income. Although I make plenty by myself, it would be really tight if we were paying for multiple IVFs, so we decided on a couple of things.

First, we're done spending unnecessary money. Lately my bank account has been bleeding and I've come home with tons of new clothes and new toys (I bought a kindle this week!). We make enough that we should easily be putting a few hundred a month away, but we haven't been, and it's time to strap it down, get some credit cards paid off, and put as much into savings as possible.

Second, we're done thinking about "what if". We've made the decision to pursue a second fresh cycle if necessary if we don't have frosties, so there's no reason to keep talking about it. From here on out THIS CYCLE IS WORKING. There's no room in our lives for negativity over this. We have a month until transfer and we're not allowing anything but positive vibes in. "Relax" may not be the key to pregnancy, but stress definitely has negative effects on the body as a whole, so we're trying to just be positive and support each other and do this! So without further adieu, onto the cooooool stuff I got in the mail!!!

It's a little hard to see, but this is my list of meds. It looks like SO much to me. I knew it would be a ton, but seeing it listed out and designed specifically for me, I'm like "holy crap". I was also hoping to get away with no IM injections, but unfortunately it looks like the lupron is IM. Andy is terrified of giving me needles, so I told him I'd try to do it myself first. He knows he has to step in if I can't do it, but he is so afraid of hurting me. It's pretty cute, actually. It might just be the trigger that's IM, and if that's the case I may get my mom to do it. Also cool about this? It has DATES. I have 4/16 to start stims, which is pretty much set in stone (2 weeks!!!). They expect retrieval to be about 4/27, with transfer 4/30 or 5/2.

Holy. Crap!

I probably shouldn't be so excited about this next one, but I am. So there.

These are the first 4 days of stims. I think 75 is the lowest dose they really give of both meds, so I hope it does the job. My first monitoring appointment will be 4/19 so I guess they'll up it if they need to. In a way I'm glad she thinks I won't need too much medication. It makes me feel like she has high hopes. Which I guess is silly, but it means she thinks I'll have a lot of follies, and that's a good thing.

Tonight I'm hanging out with my girlfriends, and my goal is to get through one day without being a blubbering mess of ridiculousness. I am an emotional jackass right now, so we'll see what happens.