I think this year is going to be an interesting year for Andy and I. In a good way. With our IVF safely placed in God's hands, and my attention somewhat diverted (at least for now), I'm free to start imagining amazing things again. I have a rather vivid imagination, and I tend to ponder all sorts of impossibilities (and some possibilities along the way). I'm starting to get to a place where I feel like doing that again. When you're stuck in the land of OCD horrors,  you don't want to let your mind do much of anything for fear of what it will come up with when left to its own devices. Lately my OCD has been harnessed... reined in, if you will, and it's allowing me to get back to some semblance of a life! Although it's still frustrating my husband to high heaven, he knows there's been a  ton of improvement, and I FEEL better. I think he needs a few weeks without any questioning to let himself recover, but I know how much better I've been than I was. It makes me feel good to be where we are knowing I'm finally back in the driver's seat. We've been spending more quality time together, unadulterated, or mostly so, by my OCD, and that's something I will never again take for granted. It's hard to believe we're already almost into April, because looking back it doesn't feel like 3 entire months have passed since Christmas, but they have. I've come a long way and for that I'm thankful.

I didn't know, at the beginning of this year, that I'd really be embarking on this IVF cycle. That I'd actually start BCPs in March (and re-start them!). That I'd be excited again about all of this (and FYI - my nurse called, she got the paperwork, and she expects to have my plan in the next day or so!). The prospect of welcoming a new baby into the world had bolstered my "I need more space" argument, and my husband has agreed that we really should be buying a house (!). So we've started looking.. and he looks with me! I sort of bludgeon him with it repeatedly until he's sort of unconscious and can only stare at the TV... so I only get a few houses a day to show him. But when I do, he pays attention! We haven't agreed on anything in our price range yet. Well.. we did like one house, but it's way overpriced, and while the overpricing is in our range.. I'm just not paying that much for it. We're going to get an agent and start touring homes in the next few days. A tiny 2 bedroom townouse really isn't enough for us. We need, at minimum, 3 bedrooms, so we can have one for us, one for the baby, and a guest room for all of Andy's Philly friends and family. They come down often enough that this is imperative. I'd like to have room for an office and a man cave, too. And we need storage. My lord we have a lot of "stuff". So we'll see how this all goes.

In my currently naive vision, we are holding our beautiful baby in our arms, and waking up in our own beautiful home on Christmas morning. I can't predict any of this, but.. it's what I hope for. We could sure use a good year. I actually found out this weekend that Andy has a secret about our future baby. This is going to sound so silly, but he really likes 4 Loko. That's not to say he drinks it all the time, but he likes it, and was sad when they took out the caffeine. Well he has 1 original one with caffeine in our fridge, and I discovered this weekend that he is saving it for the day I tell him I'm pregnant lol. Not because he's sad... it's like most people would have a toast with wine? He wants his with 4 loko haha. I thought it was cute in a really weird way.

Tonight I sort of want a drink myself.. to celebrate finally moving forward with this cycle. Two more weeks and we're on injections. It feels like eternity, but we're getting there. In 3 or so weeks I could be having my retrieval. And I'm so at peace, at ease, and happy with it.