I forgot to mention this, but as of Monday, I had officially lost 5% of my weight! I am proud and impressed that I have finally reached that goal - and it only took 8 weeks. One of those weeks was a business trip, and during 1 I gained! I'd like to lose another 5 or so this month. I still have 90-100 to go. I haven't started the week out well because I wasn't home Sunday and I didn't plan Monday, but I'm back on track and planning things out. It's neat for me to be able to look back over the lst 8 weeks and see that I can have days where I overindulge or don't make great choices, but that I can get back on track and continue to lose weight. Even if I gain one week. That's something I've never been able to do before and I'm very proud.

I've still got this cough so I haven't been able to go back to the gym yet, but hopefully next week I'll be OK. Right now my chest still hurts some. I know I'm getting better, but I was doing SO WELL at the gym that Im kind of annoyed that I've had to miss 2 weeks.

I got my IVF financial papers in the mail. Our $3500 deposit is due by Sunday. I'm grateful to my parents for covering this for us. Beyond that we'll have medications, MAYBE random fees here and there, and hopefully freezing. I am not completely sure, but I believe the cost for an IVF cycle is $7000, and since my insurance is paying half, the $3500 will cover that. My amazing parents are also paying for the meds. Sometime over the next few weeks I need to do the saline ultrasound. My nurse is out of the office today, but I'm hoping everything gets straightened out with my nephrologist and the stress dose steroids. He didn't seem to understand what I was asking him, but he said he's happy to talk with the RE, so hopefully than can just talk diectly to each other. Putting me in the middle is a recipe for disaster. That's really the only thing that's worrying me. Once that's straightened out we'll do the test and the injection class and be on our way. The clinic is sort of on my way to work, and they open at 7. I don't have to be at work until 9:30 so I can do all of my monitoring without having to miss work which is HUGE since I only have ONE sick day right now to use, and it's reserved for retrieval (which I really hope ends up being on a Friday or Saturday lol). I guess at some point we'll have to sign all the consents, but they haven't mentioned that to me yet. It's a lot of paperwork, but I don't think we'll have too much trouble with it. I know what I want to do with leftover embryos, and we've even talked about what to do with them if something happens to one of us. Which is not something I like to think about, but I guess it's important that they have documentation since we're looing at little babies here. I can't believe we're finally dealing with all this stuff.

This cycle is pretty stressful. I keep thinking of all sorts of things I don't want to deal with. Like what will my OCD do when I have a baby? Will it get worse? Will it get better? Will the baby give me the strength to finally fight it? Is my weight going to cause problems during pregnancy? What about my kidneys? It just seems like now that we're actually getting to IVF I'm so scared. Not of having a baby, but of how my body will react to it I guess. I'm also nervous about just getting the nephrologist to understand the questions the RE is asking. Sick time for the cycle. What if it doesn't work and I have to tell both our families? I'm completely plagued by "what if" and I know it's not good for me. I know I need to calm down and relax. I'm trying to build some things into my weekends that will help me to calm down and not worry so much. My mom and I are getting manicures and pedicures soon. We're going to a fun party late this month. Andy is trying to schedule a photography day with me. I'm trying to do more sewing. So I do have a lot of calming activities planned, I just need to do them and get back to the gym.

Everyone is so excited about this. Andy's mom kept saying "this HAS to work" all weekend. And I do feel good about it. So does my family. But I know it's not a guarantee. I wish I wasn't built to be a worrier because I feel like my baby deserves a stress-free environment. I can't make the OCD go away, but I can fight the symptoms and feel better. I've been doing much better on meds. I think as I continue to lose weight that will help. Going to the gym will help. My mom is always telling me to stop stressing and I know I need to. Sometimes I'm surprised I don't have ulcers.

What do you all do to relax? Any ideas for things I can do during an IVF cycle to stop freaking out about every single thing? I wish I had a garden tub. I'd lay in it all night and read. While that's not an option, maybe I can talk to hubs about us planning some even more de-stressing outings. Things like the zoo make me happy now that the weather is improving. So maybe we can do some of that. He's very supportive of me and I know he'll want to help me to get through this without all the nervousness. It's funny.. my husband is a freak-out guy and I am not a freak-out girl. Not about REAL things like money and whatnot. When it comes to this, he's cool a sa cucumber and I'm a nutcase. We'll get through it, but I now know why people always say IVF is stressful. And I'm not even to the shots yet!!!