Processing

I'm pretty sure yesterday ranks up among one of the most absolutely profound and life-altering times I have ever and will ever experience. My mom, A and I got to the maternal fetal medicine center and talked for a bit, and my mom took a few pictures. We didn't have a long wait, and were soon ushered back to the room. The ultrasound was started right away, and I asked to see the heartbeat just for reassurance. She showed this to us and I was able to determine that the baby had its head down with its chin tucked into its chest, curled up with its knees tucked in. It didn't look at all comfortable. I think the coolest thing to see was the spine, which is calcified now and looked amazing. A was trying to process that there was a baby with a spine inside my body!

We went through the measurements of the head and belly, saw the blood flow to the kidneys, and saw the brain. As usual, the baby was not cooperating and didn't want to move. We kept tilting the table and rolling from side to side. I coughed again, which the baby didn't like again, but it was cute because it kept wiggling when I did it. We saw perfect hands and little legs and feet, but we didn't get great pictures because of the positioning. After about 45 minutes they had me use the bathroom, in hopes that the baby would move. At that time the doctor (who I adore) came in and explained that she'd been watching from another room. She didn't have the pictures she needed of the heart, profile, or left foot, but she said everything else was perfect so far. They had me lay back down and amazingly, baby had turned so we got the profile and good views of the heart. The doctor again explained that everything looked perfect. There were no soft markers, no visible defects, and though the NT has measured a bit off previously, the nuchal fold was fine. She told us our chances of chromosomal issues had dropped even further, to more than 1:5000 for down's.

I'd been a little worried about my fluid after my issue on Friday, but she said it was perfect, and my cervix was long and closed. And the baby was measuring exactly on track at 8 oz. She said it was measuring right at my due date, which was a relief for all of us because the biggest concern with my kidney problem and protein loss is that the baby won't grow properly. So far so good, though. We also got a good look at the lip and palate, which we were also concerned about because I was on prednisone which can raise the risk of cleft palate, but it also looked good.

And, sometime in the middle of all of that, she asked what we thought about the gender. My mom and I both said we thought it was a boy. I'd put boy things on my registry and told a co-worker I would be shocked if it was a girl. A was convinced it was a girl, though. And... he was right. It's a GIRL! It was a very clear shot, so we're pretty certain. We immediately went into name mode, and I decided right away that she was an Evangeline, not an Elise. A likes both names, but gave the edge to Evangeline, too, so I'm glad he likes what I picked. I love the story behind the name (it's from a poem about a woman who loses her love but finds him again in old age and he dies in her arms). It also means "good news" and she was the best news I've ever received. My mom started crying and I just sat there in total shock while A picked out middle names (so far we like Noelle and Leah). It didn't really settle in for a while, though.

When we left we called A's mom, who started crying immediately. She thought we were playing a trick on her lol. My dad was thrilled as well. We also went to Babies R Us and A picked out her first gender-specific outift! I'll post a picture later but it's a set that has a sleeper with purple elephants that says "daddy loves me", a onesie, little purple pants, and a bib that says "daddy's sweetie".

He's still trying to process that we're having a little girl, and I think so am I. He says he can never go to Philly without me now because he needs to be home to protect his girls. I was so convinced we were having a boy I'm still in a bit of shock that I'm looking at baby girl clothes. We're so in love and A keeps saying "I love my girls" and rubbing my belly and calling her by name.

After BRU I went to my friend's house, and I didn't end up getting home until  11:30. On the way home I think it finally hit me that we're having a baby. That there is a perfect, gorgeous baby girl growing inside me. I'm going to have a daughter! And all I could think was I hope I don't let her down. I hope I'm what she needs... that I can always support her and she always knows she's loved. The bond I feel with her is so much stronger now I can't even describe it. And I don't know what did it... I mean I'd seen her before. But now I can look at a little profile and little fingers and toes and see her wiggling and feel her moving against me (which she's doing right now). And I can call her "she". Evangeline... my baby girl. My heart is full in a way I can't describe. I want to be the best mom I can possibly be. I want to do everything for her.And it's not that I didn't before but it's different now. I don't know how.. it just.. is.