Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A Novel

Evie does something new every day to make me fall even more and more in love with her. Right now she's "talking". Her babbling is sounding so much more like real words. I swear she says "ma" on the regular, but has no idea that she's doing it, so it doesn't count. She's squealing in an attempt to laugh, but just can't quite get it. She's such a happy baby when she's not bothered by reflux or overtired. Lately we've struggled to feed her because she smiles and giggles the whole time isntead of sucking. This child needs solids. Thank God our pediatrician is recommending we start at 4 months, and that's only 2 weeks away (OMG). She has the muscle strength, but not the balance, to sit up, and often does little baby sit-ups when I'm holding her. She's still a horrible napper, but I hope solids and rolling around and sitting up more will help with that. She's rolling from front to back more consistently now. My mom says it's because I put her down up on her elbows, but what does she want me to do, place her arms at her sides just to see what she does?? I'd rather not lay her with her face in the mat. And she can hold herself up on her elbows, so it's not like I'm doing it for her. She's also dangerously close to rolling back to front. I thought she was going to do it Sunday, but she stopped just short, caught on her lower arm again. One thing I do know is she hates to sit still, and loves to be stimulated and roll and kick all over the place. She's going to be mobile way too soon.

Yesterday my mom called me and I could hear Evie squealing in the background. My mom said she was talking to her octopus. That's definitely my child. And I'm just a teensy bit excited that she already loves her octopus because I want her to love real ones!!!

She's sleeping 8 hours straight more and more often. Last night I kept her up because I heard a teeny bit of congestion and I kept suctioning her nose and waking her up. She finally woke up with wide eyes after the 4th time, and I realized I was being al ittle neurotic, so I put the nasal aspirator down and left the poor child alone. I'm a little ridiculous at times. But I did get to sleep in my own bed and it was magical. I don't know if I've mentioned this (and I probably have) but I've been sleeping on the couch since E was born. It was just easier when she was little, and now I don't like to leave her because her reflux terrifies me, but I also don't want to be sequestered in my bedroom all night, so we've just been sleeping in the living room. A and I share the couch, and E sleeps in her rock n play right by me. This arrangement is growing old quickly. I want to put her in her own room. I want to be able to hang out with A and watch TV for a while, then go sleep in my bed. We have a video monitor and everything, I'm just scared. I just keep hoping she'll grow out of the spitting up, and the doctor will help us later this month.

We are slowly getting in to more of a routine. I'm trying my best not to be so much of a control freak. Failing, but putting in effort! A and I are discussing him quitting his job and going back to school in the Fall. He'd go to school Tuesday and Thursday and my mom would watch the baby. He'd watch Evie Monday, Wed, and Friday, and then work some evenings. Financially we can handle it, we just have to tighten our belts some. It would make him happy, and we'd actually get to spend time as a family. I'd be jealous that he got to be with E 3 days a week, but I'd be home at 3:00 so I'd have her all evening to myself while he worked. So really he wouldn't have much more E time than me since I'd also have her Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Taking Evie to my mom's and spending the night up there is becoming really hard for me. It's at least an hour to work, plus I have to go back and pick E up and bring her back to my house and we live 45 minutes apart. And my parents are with her 4 days a week which is hard on them. Something has to change, and daycare isn't worth it as expensive as it is. And school would make A so happy. He's hesitant because he likes bringing in money, but he is killing himself (literally) at work. He's stressed out so much his blood pressure is going to go through the roof. I'd just have to make sure I got to work at 6 M, W, and F so I could be home at 3. Which isn't a problem as I'm up early enough as it is. Plus, Evie will be 6 months old by then, so she should be sleeping better, and less fussy during the day. I know it won't always be easy, but it will be better. I miss A. I want family time. And I'd get to go back to gaming on Wednesday and seeing my friends! I didn't really want to quit, but I wasn't willing to give up time with Evie. This way, A will have her until 3. Then I'll come home and have her until 6:30. Then he'll take over again when I go out.So he gets a long break to take a nap or whatever he needs to do. And I get a decent amount of Evie time. She takes her last bottle at 7/7:30 anyway, so I wouldn't miss much more than if I was there all night. I think it's a liveable/workable schedule, where I get to spend 4-5 hours every night with E even though I'm working, and I like that. Plus we can do things as a family on the weekend, which we can't do now because Sunday is recovery day.

If A ever gets off work, we're going to sit down and discuss logistics. I'm pushing for this because we ALL need a break. A hasn't had 2 weekend days off in a row in as long as I can remember. Unless he specifically asked for it, anyway.

I need to stop writing. This is too much... but things are good. A and I are doing better since I'm trying to back off lol. And we'll see how this whole thing goes.

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