Grateful

The internet is an interesting thing. You can find just about anything you want, and sometimes you come across things you don't want, and sometimes even things you don't realize that you need. Today I came across something that I think is going to change my life.

I was looking at these two boxes of Baby Orajel a co-worker put on my desk today (which was incredibly sweet, though they won't get used. No benzocaine for my little one). The baby on the front has teeth, and I wondered what really young babies look like with teeth. I suppose it had something to do with Evie teething, and how much I love her gummy smile. So I googled "3 month old with teeth". And it brought me to a blog about adoption. Which brought me to another blog about having a child with special needs. Which brought me to a web site for children with special needs who need homes.

I know this site was just a small sampling of the many children out there who need homes, who are unlikely to be adopted due to special needs. And it made me realize just how lucky I am to have my daughter, and that she's healthy.

I remember at her 12 week ultrasound being told her neck measurement was too large, and there could be something wrong with her. It was terrifying, but we were lucky that our blood work came back good, and that our daughter was born healthy (granted she does have a huge fat roll on the back of her neck! It's cute!).

I guess I feel stupid. I feel so ungrateful for my "woe is me" posts. Because I do have so much goodness in my life. And I suppose sometimes God has to lead you somewhere you'd rather not be to show you how things really are. And I do have issues... I have a serious kidney problem. But I'm fortunate to be in a country where I can get the medical attention I need. To have insurance, and a doctor at one of the best hospitals the best hospital in the world. There are so many who are suffering and alone, or who have more of an uncertain future than I do. My sister-in-law is a twin, and her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer recently. She has an 8 month old and a 3 year old. Last week she found out it might be stage 4. And she is such a pillar of strength and hope and trust in God's love. My sister-in-law shares the gene mutation that causes the cancer. She and my brother don't have any children, and have been told having them might give her cancer, too. She said it was something like a 90% chance! And they're struggling so hard with what to do.

And here I am, healthy enough to work, with a supportive family, a loving husband, and a beautiful baby girl. And I feel sorry for myself? There is just too much negative in the world for me to contribute to it. I think my attitude needs to change. I feel like deep down in my soul I'm coming to an understanding, and I hope I can make thankfulness a bigger part of my life while I continue to pray for those who need it most. And once I get my own life under control, I hope to be able to help others. I don't know how yet... but there has to be something I should and could be doing to make this world just a little bit better.