Love

I am a very lucky woman. The last few days, and being a lurker on some Nest message boards has helped me to see this. My husband is amazing. I don't know that I've ever admitted this to anyone, but he does probably 80% of the house work. I clean bathrooms, and help him here and there on Sundays. He vacuums, mops, does laundry, empties the dishwasher, etc. We have a little bit of an arrangement because I'm paying more bills right now, but to be perfectly honest, he works way harder and more hours than I do. And he still takes care of me when I'm not feeling well. Yesterday I called him terrified all of a sudden that I was going to die an not be able to be with him and he helped me to calm down. He lets me lean on me when I'm struggling with my health issues.. he carries me when I'm depressed about not being pregnant yet. And through all of it he stays insanely positive. His attitude lifts me up when I'm down. I don't know if there's any way I could repay my husband for the strength he gives me when I have none left. I wish I could express in words what I feel in my heart and I just can't. I want him to have everything in the world that he wants. I don't ever want him to feel an ounce of pain or heartache. I feel guilty when I cry because I know it hurts him to see it. I don't think he'll ever read this blog, and I don't think he'll ever know how truly grateful I am to have him in my life. I thank God every night for him, and I'm not sure that he knows. I am so terribly in love that it aches to not see him sometimes. The way I feel make me think we really are meant to have a child together. I told him yesterday that I never realized how much I could really love someone. I think this often, and each time it's true because it grows stronger. I know that this entire entry is a big pile of sap, but I need to write it down, because despite all the things I don't have... or have that I wish I didn't... I will always be thankful for my husband and everything he is and everything he's given me.