I'm still feeling disappointed today. I guess I can't expect that to just up and stop all of a sudden. I've been doing a lot more reading about thyroid issues and things are starting to make a lot more sense. It can cause the fatigue, mood swings, lack of libido, cholesterol, etc. issues I've been having. It affects fertility and sustaining a pregnancy. I just want to get started.

I promised the Dr. we'd do IVF ASAP and time is precious for us. If my kidneys start to get worse it becomes more important to have this baby. I need to do it before my creatinine gets to 1.4 for the baby's health and for mine.. and there's no telling when that will be. But I certainly don't want my kidneys to fail and I'm not excited at the prospect of that chance going up by 1/3 during pregnancy if my creatinine gets too high. I just want to start an IUI cycle ASAP and I want to be on the meds now so we can get in for next cycle.

We'll try on our own this cycle but it makes me so much less hopeful. I think we're going to switch up the plan some and time intercourse for every other day since CD15 instead of just relying on the OPKs. I'll just use the OPKs to make sure I don't ovulate late or early and miss it. I just wish I had a reason to have more hope again. The IUI was so exciting and I hope that we get lucky and don't need it, but I just feel so down now that the first was cancelled. I think if this cycle doesn't work we may do the HSG next cycle as much as I don't want to. I just want to be sure everything is OK and we're not wasting any time. I am so not psyched.

Anyway, I'm disappointed and I just want to get my TSH down and hope I feel better and I want to get started and have a real shot at getting pregnant. I want this baby so bad. And I wish I had more control about getting things done, but I missed my appointment so now I won't have the final word on my thyroid until Tuesday or so. That was dumb of me, but still... I want to fix this ASAP.