I finally got a +OPK on CD20. For the very first time in my life it was VERY positive. It was not "so close I'm going to consider it positive although it's technically not". I got nervous because the 3 days after ovulation my temps were very low, but they've since shot up. As a matter of fact, my chart looks insane now. My bbt this morning was 98.26!! It has NEVER been that high before so I think that must mean there's a good amount of progesterone which is a good thing. I find myself being sort of not hopeful this month. We still have some issues on Andy's side (although things are improving and most of the issues are minor and going away!). Things keep getting better so who knows how they were when it actually came O time, but I guess not being hopeful makes it easier for me not to flip out. I'm also not hopeful because I got insane cramps at 4DPO. I had those last month which was obviously not a BFP cycle. I wonder why I get those. I guess I just hope it doesn't mean something is WRONG.. like.. what if my uterine lining is starting to break down that early? That seems extremely unlikely with a 12 day LP, but... I need something to worry about right? I think we did a lot of things this month that had potential - soy and preseed. I don't know if either one really helped, but I guess time will tell.

I have had horrible heartburn since yesterday. It has been waking me up at night and at times it hurts so bad I can't talk. This is unusual for me but I think it's because I've been eating bad foods. I have had boob pains, too, but I had them last month and I think they're just due to ovulation. They've been on the armpit line today.

I keep rambling, knowing nothing I say or do can predict or really give me any insight as to whether or not this month worked. I'm trying to walk the line between too optimistic, and too pessimistic. I don't want to not have hope, because I know God requires faith to work his miracles, but I don't want to get so optimistic I break down if it's a BFN.

Wednesday is our IVF consult. We're going to hear her out about the IUI and see why she doesn't want us to do it, but we may request it anyway. I'm sure she's going to have me set up the HSG and I am TERRIFIED. I talked to Andy last night about it. He promised me he wouldn't let it hurt me and it was the absolute sweetest thing. He's been so awesome with all of this. This morning when I told him my temp was REALLY high he started asking the baby questions lol.

"Do you want some water baby? How about some Swedish Fish?". I told him the baby would not be having any Swedish Fish until he was safely out of my body lol. It's fun to talk like that and hope and dream. I just hope one day soon we're really talking to a baby in there.