I'm ready for Spring, and so I changed the look of my blog. I like it! My writing column was too narrow in the old version, so I'm enjoying the new layout right now.

My weigh-in for Weight Watchers was yesterday, and I lost over 3 pounds, putting me at a total of 8 lost in 3 weeks. I got a message that I'm losing too quickly, but I've been following the plan, using all my weekly points, fitting in desserts and pizza, etc. so I'm not worried about it. It'll even out. I was 274.6 I think. This morning I had my Day 3 bloodwork (even though my period started at 4 on Thursday so it's really day 5) and the weighed me. I was 280 on their scale, but the nurse said they adjust for clothing and shoes! So.. say they drop 3 pounds for that, that puts me at 277, which is 6 pounds from goal! And actually, the BMI chart she gave me had 274 as "too high" and 271 as "Ok" so.. what's 273? I'm only 4 pounds from that lol. She's going to call me later with my blood work, and there's a little part of me that is hoping she says "Well it's only 6 pounds, and you'll be on BCPs for 3 weeks, so if you keep working on it, the Dr. said we can start this month".  A I expecting this? No, but sometimes I can't squash the little optimist inside of me.

The ultrasound was good news all-around. She said my lining was "Nice and thin" (is that really a good thing?) with no cysts on the ovaries. She did count 10 antral follicles on the right an 9 on the left. She said they like to see 10 total, so mine are "Nice and perky" lol. Still not PCOS range, which they say is 30+, so while I won't have TONS of follicles, if they could stimulate and fertilize most of them, that would be awesome. Only time will tell. I had 10 and 10 last ultrasound so that looks to be pretty consistent.

All in all, it was a good appointment. I didn't realize I was getting an ultrasound, so it was more expensive than I thought, but it wasn't too bad. $118. Now I just have to get the blood work back. I'm a little nervous that my TSH will be off, and there's a part of me going "What if my FSH has gotten crazy!?" I mean it was 4.6 last July... I could see it going up to the 5s, but I hope it stuck there. I'm really excited and.. AHHH I just want to get started. I know it's not going to be fun jabbing myelf with needles and being hormonal and seeing the doctor every 15 minutes, but it's still exciting and I'm trying to focus on that. And if it works it'll be more than worth it.

I was talking to Andy about how we have to fill out all the consent forms about what to do with the embryos and he was like "Well we're not getting divorced, but if for some reason we split, you can have them" lol. It makes things easier, but it's still funny. I'm thinking of them as babies already.. he's clearly not. But we had a great talk last night. We talked about how 2010 was so hard for us. How we hit rock bottom at one point and decided we really needed to work on our marriage. We'd only been married for like 8 months, but so many outside influences were coming down on us that we were imploding. But we took that and worked with it and, despite my OCD, our marriage is something that makes me confident. It's nice to know that we can have times where things are REALLY hard, and we'll both pull together and fight to make things better. I wish we hadn't had to have a time like that so early in the marriage, but we both feel so strong and confident. We both believe fully in us andin marriage, and, unlike so many today, aren't willing to give up. I love my husband so much and it's so good to have a partner who has the same sorts of feelings on the subject as I do. I'm a realist. I know things won't always be perfect.. but to know he and I can go through serious health issues with my kidneys and his tumor, and the infertility stress and disappointment.. the death of one of his best friends.. my OCD coming back with a vengeance.. and still come out of it stronget than ever.. is just such a fantastic thing to be grateful for. So with that said, I'm excited, going into this process, to have a partner who is there for me and happy and excited and supportive and ready to give this a go, understanding it won't be easy, and that'll continue through our child's birth and growth. Maybe the last year was a test from God, but I feel like we passed. We still have issues and things to work on and things we fundamentally disagree on... but the lines of communication are open and I'm not delusional enough to think things will always be perfect. But I do know he's there for the long haul and so am I, and that makes me one happy girl.

Last night he said 2011 was turning out, so far, to be better than 2010, and this was the year of Erika's baby lol. He's so looking forward to it. He took the sleeper I bought and put it in his desk drawer so it would be close to him. Every time I look at it he looks at me with the sweetest "I love you and this is going to happen" look. He says he has no doubts at all about us having this baby, except the ones I give him when I  get scared, which he shakes off. He's just a fantastic partner and I'm so excited to start this next chapter. He's going to be such a great daddy. I can't wait!

UPDATE: My nurse was out, but one of the other nurses called back with my blood work (already!). They said everything was within normal limits (including my TSH) and my ultrasound looked great! With a clear HSG, I am ready to go! I just need to hear from Tara about whether they'll be kind and let me start or wait to weigh me again. Either way it's good news!!