Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Going With The Flow

I'm freaking out just a tiny bit today. My temps have risen pretty high, and I'm afraid that we may have missed our window this month. I usually expect ovulation to occur on CD 17 or 19. There is a possibiilty my body has been textbook-perfect this month, however. I will be sort of pissed, since this would be the first time in 15 months of charting that that happened. I'm hoping my temp will go back down tomorrow. I was really expecting a Thursday-Friday-Saturday window and I'm really hoping that's still the case. It's strange, though... a few days I could actually feel pressure where my ovaries are, like they were swelling up. I have not had the tell-tale twinges and cramps in that area, however, so I know I technically haven't ovulated, but if I do today I'm going to be mad.

On the other hand, I've felt a bit more at peace this month. Waves of calm keep passing over me, and during these waves, I'm hearing things like "It's ok if it doesn't happen this month" and "Why are you so upset? Your husband will be fine soon, and you'll have your baby". It's strange, and I don't feel like I'm saying it to myself. I know that if I miss this month, it's not too terrible, because our chances are so low anyway, and that next month we should have a much greater shot, but it's still disappointing. Although we may not have missed it anyway. Either way, it's nice to be a little calmer about the whole thing. I have a rush because of my kidneys, but I feel like I'm putting more pressure on myself than there needs to be.

We have Andy's appointment Friday. I am so stoked to see how his hormones are responding to the treatment. Part of me is nervous, but any improvement is good, and if it's not improving and we have to go to a neurosurgeon... well, we'll get results faster anyway. I guess that's a positive, though I know Andy's not excited about the surgery thing. We'll see what happens. For now I'm just trying to be calm and let things happen as they will. It's nice.

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