Waiting. The Story of One Woman's Struggle With Being Driven Insane by the Inability to Plan

Every day I find something new to worry about. Andy has an appointment on April 6th to have some more tests done. While I don't expect anything fantastic, I don't expect anything terrible. Whatever his results are.. I just want to know. Shortly after that I'm hoping to get an appointment with the RE. I want her to put me on medication or at the very least do actual tests to find out if I really ovulate. You'd think I do based on temping and such but I want to be 100% certain. And either way, I want meds. My thought process is that we can use all the help we can get, and if things aren't textbook (28 day cycle, day 14 O) and there is a way to make them textbook, we should do it.

I think there's a part of me that needs to have some control. I need to be DOING something in this process, and the worst part for me is that so much of it is a waiting game. Especially since waiting for Andy's medicine to work could take 6 months! I'm chomping at the bit to get started with a treatment. I feel like the chances of this happening naturally (sort of naturally.. I'm not sure how to count Andy's dostinex) are super slim right now. They're rising each month but I don't know by how much. I think I might go insane before we get his test results. We'll know by the April cycle though. That should start around the 24th of April and if we can get in to the doctor before then we could do something for that one! If not we'll have to wait until the May cycle, which is less than 2 months, but feels like an eternity away.

I'm going to have to take up more photography or watch more tv because letting my mind sit and dwell on things that I can't change is driving me batty. Waiting for results and to start treatment is the worst! I want my baby NOW lol. At least I'm feeling more positive about it. On April 6th we'll have an action plan. Keep trying on our own and tes again in July or try IUI. If we go the first route then in July we'll be trying IUI or moving on to IVF. Either way, I'll have a plan in a few weeks to take us through July, and then a plan to take me to delivering a baby. I need plans. I'd like to think I'm spontaneous but no. I have to plan things. How did I get so disorganized if I like to plan so much!?? I'm honestly ready to make a Vizio flow chart of what to do and when. Like a choose your own fertility adventure novel!!!!

I'm going to start meditating on the chant "I can make it until April 6th" lol.