I was feeling a little down today about the entire process. I guess I've been down the last few weeks since I seem to be at a standstill with my doctor. It was especially bad today because I called yesterday and had more blood work faxed and the secretary put a note on the bloodwork and gave it to him and he still didn't call. My husband is ready to switch doctors. I would be too except that he really is so good at what he does. They would have told me if he wasn't in town, so he definitely is... so why haven't I heard anything? I emailed him last Monday, and that was because I hadn't heard from him since the previous week.. so it's been about 2 weeks since I've gotten anything from him. Doesn't he understand how upset and nervous I am? Plus my period has been weird. I have had 2 periods since I started the synthroid. I was spotting mid-cycle in one, and this past one I had my period. It ended after 5 days, and then 2 days later I started cramping and had brown old blood only when I wiped. That's uncommon for me too. So while I've been ovulating on day 16 with a 12-13 day lp, which is AWESOME... what's with the random blood??? My midwife who does my annual exam said the mid-cycle was probably just a fluke. I didn't get to ask her about the spotting after my period.. but it's making me scared that something else is wrong. God I hope not. All of my tests were awesome back in June/July.... and I hope they are still ok come February.

I also found out that my thyroid hormone was 1.6 in 2008... so going up to 4.4 in 2010 is a little ridiculous. I'm fully expecting that I have Hashimotos. The doctors were both shocked that I didn't have antibodies, but said that can happen and they can also diagnose based on xray, but didn't want to do that yet. So we'll see. It's "normal" with my .5mcg of Synthroid, so.. whatever, I guess. Also, my blood pressure at the doctor on Thursday was 122/75... which is normal, and very strange for me. I wonder what that's about.. but it does make me happy.

Out of my loneliness and longing today came something good. I said to Andy I was upset because "what if the first IVF doesn't work and we have to do more? What would you think then?" and he said "we'll do what we have to". I said "But my parents can only pay for 1. We'd have to have a loan for part of it..." and he said "We'll do what we have to. I promise". So that made me feel good. Now we just have to get insurance to pay since it will only have been 1 year instead of 2 and they want you to do IUI first. I'm hoping that my RE can just send them a letter that says "Look, these 2 need to get pregnant ASAP, and it's my medical opinion that they need to go directly to IVF" and that will help them make the decision. There are just so many questions and only time will bring us to our answers.

I'd be lying if I didn't think "Maybe some miracle occurred" when I got my blood pressure and it was normal. Kidney disease can cause HBP, and it's been hovering around 140/85, so it's a pretty drastic drop in systolic.

I did lose 1.4 pounds last week. It's nothing crazy but I'm moving in the right direction for this baby... I just need to kick it up a notch because I honstly haven't been working hard. I think I could lose 2 lbs consistently if I really worked at it, and I'd like to be as low as possible come IVF time. If I were to start my prednisone next week, we would probably start BCPs around 2/1, so stims would start around 2/21 giving me 21 weeks to lose weight. Man if I could drop 40 pounds that would be fantastic. 30 even would be awesome, putting me at my lowest weight since... at least 2004. I'd feel much better starting a pregnancy out at 252 than 282! It's still very heavy, but I'm also 5'10. And once I start the prednisone I will have to be extremel careful. I can't gain 30 pounds like I did last time.. I have to LOSE 30 pounds this time. I think exercise is supposed to help a lot with prednisone weight gain, and with blood sugar increases caused by it, so I will really have to do that. And.. I think rather than just complaining and talking about how I SHOULD lose weight.. I'm going to freaking do it this time. 1.4 pounds is a start.. not a fantastic one but hey, it's a LOSS and that's GREAT. 1 pound a week until stims would still put me 10 pounds under the IVF weight I need to achieve, so that's helpful!!

OK, this has been quite a rant. I know if things don't work out as we expect it will be tough, but nothing has worked out as expected so far, so we'll get through it. My husband is awesome and he'll make sure we do everything we can to have this baby and I love him for that. It's just frustrating waiting to start the meds. *sigh*. CALL ME DOCTOR CHOI!