So I've written a number of times about my OCD, and how I'm on Lexapro for it. When I say I have OCD, I don't mean "I like things neat and orderly". I mean "Holy crap I'm ruining my family's lives and I can't eat or sleep because I have so much anxiety". And... it tends to go through phases. I'll have a few years where it's very well managed, and then I'll go through this horrible spot where I just can't handle it. Last time that happened I started on prozac and was almost good as new in a few months. This time it's been a year and a half so far. I wanted to try the Lexapro thinking "Well, the prozac didn't seem to be working quite as well anymore". And I thought it was working at first. And we decided to stay on it in pregnancy because my doctor thought the benefits outweighed the risks (it's category C). And last weekend we decided we didn't think that was true anymore. After a blowout about how horrible my OCD was, we decided it simply wasn't working. And the risk with Lexapro to a fetus is that fetuses exposed in the third trimester have a slightly higher risk of persistent pulminary hypertension once born. The risk is still low, which is why we continued, but at this point.. it's not worth it. So.... I started weaning off of it yesterday. I won't quite be done by 3rd tri, since that's Friday, but I'll be completely off by the middle of my 28th week. So close! And I'm hoping that's enough to keep her from getting PPH.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified. But my husband knows what to expect. He has spent the last year and a half with me and my OCD. He knows it's not my fault, and he expects it to get worse. But, as he put it "You can have a day where you lose your job, your wife, and your house. And then you can have a day where you lose your job your wife, your house, and $100. When it's that bad you don't even notice the $100." Which may not be exactly true, but the point is, it's the right decision. It's going to be tough, but I've been trying SO hard to employ cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques to help. They've helped me in the past to the point where I didn't even need drugs for a few years. I'm not ready to be off meds, but E needs me to be, and we've decided we need to do this. The good news is, she's coming in 11 weeks, and so if it gets really terrible, I can start back on prozac right away once she's born. I couldn't breast feed on prozac, so I don't want that, but we'll see how things look closer to the time. Hopefully my OCD will be controlled enough by CBT that I can breast feed for the first 3 months as planned. A is on board for that, but... we'll play it by ear. So... BIG NEWS! Part of me is thrilled. My conscience is happy, and I will continue to pray that it works out!
In other news, I've done absolutely nothing on the nursery, and I told A I wanted it cleared out NOW. I can't lift the boxes or the desk. He's been away this weekend, but next weekend it has to be done. The next weekend is Christmas, and we'll be out of town. Then New Year's, and then I'll be 30 weeks, and it's getting way too close to crunch time. And I still have to steam clean and paint. And I just don't want to be doing that 2 weeks before she arrives. It has to get done now. And as I was walking through target yesterday I came across those vinyl decals. I've always loved the tree decals and I found two that surprised me. The one is the same colors as E's bedding! And the other is just gorgeous.
I love the actual tree in this one. I was thinking of putting it up, and getting bird decals made from the birds in the bedding and putting them on instead of these birds.
The birds in this one are already the right color, but the tree and leaves aren't colors in the bedding.
I've also been thinking of doing like a scrolling branch-looking design on either side of some of the bedding's bird decals. I'm not sure. I just need something special for her. A loves the idea of making decals from the animals in the bedding, and I do too. I just wonder if it will be enough? I feel like once I get the room painted and furniture in it I'll be able to decide. So A has work to do.
Oh, AND my invitations went out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm going to be a mommy soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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