You've Taken Me By Surprise and Given Me New Life Yeah

I guess it's time for that post. The "OMG I'm actually a mom I can't believe it" post.

Today was an amazing day. E and I got a fantastic night's sleep. Normally I put her down, then try to fall asleep, but I get up every time she makes a noise I don't like to check on her until she goes long enough without a noise for me to fall asleep. I think last night I was so tired that it only took a minute or two of silence for me to fall asleep, so I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up this morning feeling fantastic, and apparently E did, too. We watched TV for a bit and I held her while she slept, but she usually wakes up for quite some time in the late morning and early afternoon, so we played for a while. She was as happy as can be, rolling around, smiling. I took her out to the mall because I needed to buy some shoes, and she was a perfect angel the entire time. I bought her a sunsuit because she doesn't have any summer outfits in her size and it's been so hot, but I ended up getting a 0-3 anyway. A few people stopped to talk about how cute she is.

When we got home I fed her and we hung out for a while, but she really woke up in the afternoon, so I layed her blanket out on the couch and sat there. I put one leg up on either side and laid her on her back so she could roll around and make noises and kick and bat at things. I rattled her rattle for her, which she likes. I was listening to music and singing to her and we were dancing and clapping baby style. We did that for a while until she got fussy, and I picked her up and pulled her to my chest. That's her favorite position, and it puts her to sleep, which happened very quickly. I kept listening to music and rocking her and singing, and eventually I just started to cry. I kept kissing her head and putting my cheek against her and holding her close. She smells like baby soap and sweet milk. Her hair and her skin are the softest things on earth. I think she likes to lay on my chest because she can hear my heartbeat and I smell familiar. She knows I'm her mom.

I really just broke down, and looked up at the sky, crying my eyes out, and thanked God for my beautiful miracle. I couldn't believe I was holding my baby. A baby that, despite all our fertility problems and my health issues, I carried for almost 37 weeks. A perfect little angel that I wasn't sure would ever be here. A sweet little one that smiles and makes sweet noises.. and has discovered that she can yell to get my attention. That looks at her rattle and smiles. That knows me, and falls asleep knowing she's safe and sound in mommy's arms. 

Nothing in life has ever made me so completely happy. I wouldn't trade 1 moment of this journey... not 1. It has all been worth it to be sitting here holding my angel.