Two Week Reflections

I'm sitting here at 8:25 on a Tuesday night (I think. I don't know what day it is most of the time anymore) watching tv with A while E sleeps peacefully in her newborn napper. Life has changed in a major way, and I'm seeing that things will never, ever be the same. I think I mentioned this, but having a newborn is more difficult than I ever imagined. People can tell you it's tough, but you really don't grasp it until you're there. But what's strange is that at 4am when I'm at the end of my rope and I pick up my baby and look at her... this.. feeling comes over me. It's like an adrenaline rush that erases my exhaustion just seeing my sweet girl looking back at me. The way I feel about her is so, so, so different from what I always imagined it would be like. There are times where I think "Man it's going to be a LONG time before I can spend a Saturday lazing around watching movies and sleeping in". I won't lie... it happens. And I think it's because there is just no preparation for having a baby. The overwhelming love and the primal instinct to protect her at all costs. And the changes you think you understand but you really don't until your little one is here in your arms. It's such a strange time, these fist few weeks.

Things change so fast. I feel like my baby is already getting so grown up. She weighs 6 pounds now, and I can tell she's filling out her clothes a little better. She still doesn't cry unless she needs something, but she has been fussier, and I think she's going through a growth spurt and it makes me sad. I know that pretty soon she'll be a year old, then 5, then 18.

She's two weeks old tomorrow and I can't believe it's been so long. Returning to work is looming just 9 weeks away and it's driving me nuts. I don't want to leave her.

Part of me is still wishing away the next week or so in hopes that she'll start sleeping more, but I also don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss 1 cute facial expression. One sweet little noise. I want to hold her and protect her all the time and I don't want the time to go so quickly. She actually did sleep for 3 straight hours last night. I woke up and looked at the clock and I was so confused that she hadn't woken up. It's amazing how good 3 hours of sleep can make you feel when it comes at night and all at once.

 I know this is all jumbled and I'm really not making much sense. Everything is different now. Everything is for my daughter. I never could have imagined what this kind of love felt like. It's absolutely amazing.

Wide awake at 12 days old. She doesn't look like either of us here, but she's gorgeous. That sleeper is a newborn, btw:

Cute faces. I can never seem to capture them but I got close: