Time Warp

Holy crap. E is almost 6 weeks old. Where did the time go!? I only have 5 weeks of maternity leave left, which means I've used more than I have left. Time has never gone by so quickly in my life. I'm getting nervous that we won't start to get things regulated before I have to go back to work. And we still don't have daycare situated.

We had a really rough few days with E. I'm not really sure what was going on, but she seems to be better today. We started her on soy formula on Sunday, bought the rock n play, and learned from my mom that it's really important to get her to burp no matter what. I probably should've known that, but the stuff I read from similac said to try for a minute only. She has been much happier today, though, and she slept for 4.5 straight hours two nights ago, and 3.25 last night. I hope this is something that she starts to do regularly. She's still getting up every 2 hours after that first stretch, but it's a vast improvement, and I hope she starts getting a little more sleep so I get a little more sleep!

She's doing an amazing job hitting her milestones. She's holding up her head really well already, tracking objects with her eyes, putting weight on her legs.. it's awesome. I've been thinking a lot about going back to work and not being with her all day. I wasn't sure I was cut out to be home all day, but.. I am. And I wish it was possible for us to have me stay home, but it's just not in the cards. I just don't want to miss anything. I'll be glad that I get to eat lunch without worrying she'll wake up and whatnot, but... I am scared we'll lose a bond and I don't want that. And I wish the daycare at my work would do part time without making you pay full time so I could go see her every day for lunch. I really hope my work eventually does a real work from home program so at least one day a week I can be around her. Weekends and evenings just aren't enough.

I mean, who would want to leave this face (this first outfit is 0-3 months. It's big on her, and she can still wear most newborns, but she can wear some 0-3 now! She's getting so big)?

With Uncle Matt for the first time!

Sleeping this morning. She loves sleeping on her belly, but I'm terrified of something happening to her since you're not supposed to let them sleep this way, so I only let her do it when I'm watching her like a hawk, which you can see I'm doing in this photo! She's clutching the blankie. It's so cute!!!

Today has been interesting. Evie has decided she wants to cry all day unless she is laying on my chest. I'm so incredibly tired but I can't sleep because she cries if I out her down, even if Andy takes her. She slept better last night than she has been. I'm hoping she is just having trouble because she was early and she will adjust soon. I want to get her a wubbanub pacifier to see if it helps.

Evie also head butted me today. Then she started crying and I felt bad because it made me laugh. I knew she was ok and it was just funny that she did it.

Anyway... Hoping to get this little sweetheart to sleep in her rock n play soon. She can't stay on me 24/7!

1 Month Visit

We had our one month visit today at 4 weeks and 5 days old. It was supposed to be tomorrow, but she had a horrible few days and we really needed to talk to the doctor. She's not sleeping well, and she started screaming bloody murder during feedings. We were pretty sure she had gas and reflux. They told us to switch her to soy formula when we called, so we ran out and got that and a rock n play and started her on it right away. So far she hasn't screamed while feeding her, and she's been much less fussy. I really hope this helps because I actually sat there crying while feeding her when she was crying. She's normally such a happy baby and I hate to see her uncomfortable. I'm hoping that the formula and sleeping more vertical in the rock n play will help her to feel better and sleep longer.

They did say she's definitely absorbing what she eats because she has gained 2lb 3.5oz since we saw them 3 weeks ago!! She weighs 8lb 3.5oz, and she's in 0-3 sleepers now because she's too long for newborns at 20.5 inches (1.5 inches more than she was last time!). She's getting higher on the charts and that's awesome. They also said she was definitely very strong, which I could tell because she lifts her had up so well, and puts weight on her legs already. My baby is growing up so fast it's ridiculous.

You've Taken Me By Surprise and Given Me New Life Yeah

I guess it's time for that post. The "OMG I'm actually a mom I can't believe it" post.

Today was an amazing day. E and I got a fantastic night's sleep. Normally I put her down, then try to fall asleep, but I get up every time she makes a noise I don't like to check on her until she goes long enough without a noise for me to fall asleep. I think last night I was so tired that it only took a minute or two of silence for me to fall asleep, so I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up this morning feeling fantastic, and apparently E did, too. We watched TV for a bit and I held her while she slept, but she usually wakes up for quite some time in the late morning and early afternoon, so we played for a while. She was as happy as can be, rolling around, smiling. I took her out to the mall because I needed to buy some shoes, and she was a perfect angel the entire time. I bought her a sunsuit because she doesn't have any summer outfits in her size and it's been so hot, but I ended up getting a 0-3 anyway. A few people stopped to talk about how cute she is.

When we got home I fed her and we hung out for a while, but she really woke up in the afternoon, so I layed her blanket out on the couch and sat there. I put one leg up on either side and laid her on her back so she could roll around and make noises and kick and bat at things. I rattled her rattle for her, which she likes. I was listening to music and singing to her and we were dancing and clapping baby style. We did that for a while until she got fussy, and I picked her up and pulled her to my chest. That's her favorite position, and it puts her to sleep, which happened very quickly. I kept listening to music and rocking her and singing, and eventually I just started to cry. I kept kissing her head and putting my cheek against her and holding her close. She smells like baby soap and sweet milk. Her hair and her skin are the softest things on earth. I think she likes to lay on my chest because she can hear my heartbeat and I smell familiar. She knows I'm her mom.

I really just broke down, and looked up at the sky, crying my eyes out, and thanked God for my beautiful miracle. I couldn't believe I was holding my baby. A baby that, despite all our fertility problems and my health issues, I carried for almost 37 weeks. A perfect little angel that I wasn't sure would ever be here. A sweet little one that smiles and makes sweet noises.. and has discovered that she can yell to get my attention. That looks at her rattle and smiles. That knows me, and falls asleep knowing she's safe and sound in mommy's arms. 

Nothing in life has ever made me so completely happy. I wouldn't trade 1 moment of this journey... not 1. It has all been worth it to be sitting here holding my angel.

It's 4am and I'm sitting in the recliner holding a happily swaddled Evangeline. She just finished eating and I'm giving her a little time to make sure she doesn't spit up before I put her down. She is so peaceful and I just hope she knows I will always be here to love, protect, and support her. I can't wait to experience everything with my tiny angel.

Random Thoughts

E decided that she was being too easy on us with the whole sleeping thing, and so last night she just... stopped. It was awful, and I couldn't get her down for more than 20 minutes during the day, either. Can you say sleep deprived!? She got really fussy in the afternoon, so I just had to hold her until A came home. He took her as soon as he got in so I got to go upstairs and nap in my bed! It was awesome. Unfortunately E went batshit and cried for what seemed like an entire hour, and I couldn't sleep through it, so my nap was cut short. I think she's going through a growth spurt because she ended up taking 4oz of formula for A, which is very strange for her. I also tried a swaddle me, and it fit her. It's kind of sad because it was way too big when we brought her home and it fits now. She's getting so big (and this definitely said "getting so bed" until I corrected it. Guess where my mind is...). She also seems to really like it, and is now fast asleep. I think she might have some mild reflux, so I'm going to talk to the pedi about it on Tuesday. Days like today are uncommon. Sometimes she gets a bit fussier in the afternoon, but she doesn't generally cry, and I hate that she's in pain if it really is reflux.

It's funny that even when she's screaming and frustrating the heck out of me, I look at her face and just crack (corrected from crap. Holy awful sleep deprived typing skills) up because she's so cute and I just love her so much. I know that eventually she'll get into a better sleeping pattern, and I'm very fortunate she's not a baby that cries all the time. We got super lucky with her. I'm definitely glad I'm not going back to work the week after next though. If I'd only taken 6 weeks I'd have to, and there is no way I could function at work after nights like last night. I'm glad these days have been few and far between so far.

I'm also glad A is such a help. I take care of E at night since he's working all day, but he comes home and takes her so I can eat, shower, etc. And he watches her a lot on his days off so I can sleep. I feel like we have a great partnership going in raising our baby and it's an awesome feeling. I love my husband!

Last night I took E out to have dinner with my parents. She was awesome as usual, and didn't fuss until we were leaving. Then I went to my friend Michelle's house, and a bunch of my friends were there. I fed E and a few of my friends held her. She was being so good. She did have a giant poop, which parlayed itself into a weird conversation. One of my friends was talking about how E was really cute, and the other friend said he didn't really get it. So I said "Wait, you have to think she's cute!" and he said "I just don't understand the baby thing". Well his wife wants kids soon, so the other friend (who has 2 kids) was like "well are you sure you are ready to have kids then?" and he basically said no, but he has to because his wife wants them. About that time, E spit up a little bit. My burp cloth was in a different room, so I just wiped it off with my shirt. Non-baby friend said he couldn't get down with the bodily fluids, and I said "Uhm.. this is nothing. You do realize she just pooped and peed on me while I was changing her?". He was so grossed out it was ridiculous. And not in a normal way. Very much in a "OMG I never want to do that" sort of way.

I also got a sneak peak at the blanket Michelle is making E. It's AWESOME. It's an underwater theme, so the background is blue, and it's got seaweed and sea creatures sewn on. It's so cool.

Sunday we're taking her out again because my mom is having a meet the baby party. Not a gift party, just something for the relatives I don't get to see often. I have two aunts that don't drive and wouldn't get to see her that are coming up for it, and they're going to get a kick out of it. Plus I have an aunt and uncle that struggled for many, many years with infertility. She had 2 late term losses, and needed IUI to conceive those babies. Eventually they gave up because it was too hard. I know everyone has a story like this, but they actually did conceive after that and the baby is OK (and now 17 years old! WTF?). Then a month after his birth they conceived naturally again!! I feel like we have a pretty special bond. She went through much more than I did, but it's still special to have someone who understands. Plus they had two boys, and his brother had two boys, so I'm the only girl she's gotten to really be around, and.. well, obviously it's been a while, so she'll get a kick out of E.

I also need to write, just because I'm pissed off, that not 1 single person that's not related to E has come to see us at home. Not 1. No friends at all. It's pretty effed up. We had people come to the hospital, but I've been home a month. I'm pissed.

So because I'm writing during a nap and trying to get a lot in, this journal isn't particularly well written and is probably pretty boring. But, I had stuff to get out. Now it's time to get back to trying to get some sleep. It's tough having a teeny baby, but my goodness is she amazing. This little girl is just the best thing ever.

She looks like a totally different baby in this picture. Her hair's blonde in the light and her eyes are this gorgeous gray color. I hope they stay that color. A's sister has gray eyes. Still weird, though. She's just so perfect.

The Secret

A and I think we may have discovered the secret to getting our little bean to sleep. Last night we put her down at 10:30 and didn't hear a peep until 2. Then she slept another 2.5 hours, and then another 2.25. And she should start sleeping even longer stretched. 3.5 hours is our longest yet! So, how'd we do this? Well, she was awake from about 8-10:30, so we hung out with her and kept her entertained and awake. We played on the play gym and sang songs. I think that helped. The other things my baby needs?

• A full belly
• A swaddle
• A clean, empty butthole

Yep. She took a huge poop, then downed 4 oz, so we cleaned her up and swaddled and out she went. Mommy and daddy both got uninterrupted sleep. Now I just need to get her to keep pooping and eating a lot.

And seriously, getting pooped and peed on is no longer an issue for me. Without fail, she poops every time we're changing a poopy diaper. She also shot pee at us, but daddy's quick reflexes got the diaper up as a shield. How does a girl shoot pee? We were impressed. The kid's got talent.

Best Baby Ever

The last few days have been interesting. E had this awesome night where she just wanted to sleep, and then she changed her mind and stopped again. One day she'll get better though, and since she's almost a month, hopefully soon. A had off today so he let me sleep for like 4 hours this morning and it was heavenly. Then I took two naps, and he took care of her again. He also had his first solo daddy watch time. Everyone survived lol. It's nice to feel like I can run out for short trips though. And A will get better at watching her for long periods, so I can go back to my Wednesday night ritual of tabletop RPGs. I don't want to spend much time away from E, but it's the one night I spend with my friends. My BFF just had her baby on Friday, so our girls' nights will include the babes! I really can't wait for E to meet him. She gave birth at 37 weeks and 4 days, so 5 days further along than I was, and baby Ben weighed 2lb 7oz more than Evie! It's crazy. She had chubbed up though. It's freaking adorable. Her legs are getting pudgy and it's adorable. She is honestly the best baby that ever existed. I'm so in love with her it's insane.

Right now life is pretty neat. I have a great husband and an amazing baby I get to spend every day with! I did start getting a little unhappy about missing out on a vaginal birth. I know that we needed the C-Section. After 20 hours of induction including a few of the highest dose of pitocin I was closed. So they couldn't even break my water to get things going. My BP was 220/110. And I had questioned my decision a bit in the hospital until they told me my creatinine had gone up to 1.8. I know it was the right thing. But I do think I want to try for a VBAC next time. I want to have that experience, so if they'll let me I want to try. Hopefully having lost a ton of weight my BP and kidneys will be better, so it won't be risky to keep the next bean in as long as possible. I never thought it would bug me, but it does a little. And everyone has told me I did the right thing. And I know that. I mean seriously 220/110??? But I hope next time I can push the baby out.

Anyway, back to E gaining weight. I'm pretty sure she's going to be in 0-3 by Easter, so I bought her Easter dress in a 3 month (having been told the number on the tag is the highest age they could be and wear it generally). Here's what I ordered:

 

This is our standard "I'm being fussy" position. It normally gets her to sleep.

 

 

This is "things are about to get interesting" face.

This is us chillin'. She crossed her legs like me! Love it.

3 Weeks Old

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I cannot believe how fast time is going by. Today is Evie's due date. I can't imagine having waited this long to have her. What's funny is my friend Megan is being induced today, so she might have her baby on my due date! Meanwhile, miss Evangeline is 3 whole weeks old as of yesterday. She's changed so much. When I look at her newborn photos, she doesn't even look like the same baby. She's put on a lot of weight, but.. she just looks different in general. And I'd guess she's close to 7 pounds now. Her newborn clothes fit her, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to buy her Easter dress in 0-3. I'm glad I got some time with her in newborns though. Some people have babies that go right into 0-3, and I think I probably have 2 or 3 more weeks of the newborns.

Things are getting a little easier for me. She's not really sleeping better consistently (last night I got 1.5 hour stretches, but the night before I got 2.5 hour stretches) but I think my body is adjusting to the change in schedule from what I used to have. I'm tired, but I don't get that "I'm so tired I can't keep my head up" very often, and I got it a ton in the beginning. I think she might be in another growth spurt. She's taking 3 oz pretty easily, and eating a lot more often, and I can feel that she's heavier, so it makes sense.

Yesterday we took another trip together. This time we went to JC Penney to look for an Easter dress, but their selection of teeny dresses was terrible, so we didn't get one. E was an angel again until we got stuck in traffic on the way home. They were doing construction and I felt like the road crew kept letting the other side go, but not us. After about 30-40 minutes she started fussing, and it was had because I couldn't get to her to see if she needed me. On the way there here head slumped because the towel came out of the side of the seat, so I kept reaching back and lifting her head up. I hate that the seat is rear facing. I know it's safer but I hate that I can't see her. Anyway, I'm getting a LITTLE more comfortable going out. I know eventually I'll have to feed and change her in public, but for some reason the idea makes me nervous and I always want to get home first. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment and she has to come with me, so we'll see how she does.

And some gratuitous cuteness.

Not impressed with mommy today.

Making a silly face while playing.

Cabin Fever

I am really curious to see how much E weighs at her next appointment 2 weeks from now. I was feeding her in the middle of the night and I was suddenly extremely aware of her weight. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she was over 6.5 pounds now. I know that's still quite little, but at one point she was 5lb 3oz so it feels like she's a giant. Her newborn clothes look like they actually fit her, or almost fit her, and it scares me to think that she's only 3 weeks old. In another 2 or 3 weeks she'll be in a bigger size. It's going by so fast.

The lack of sleep is really starting to catch up with me. I just can't wake A up in the middle of the night to help. He is a really sound sleeper and is extremely irritable when waking (always has been. He has a lot of bad dreams). Plus, he works right now and I don't, so it's really up to me. It's not so bad when she's not fussy, but some nights she just fusses a lot and I can't sleep. She's still not really a crier (although she cried real tears yesterday when she was gassy and it was heartbreaking) so that's good, but she's trained me to think there's something wrong when she fusses, so I check her diaper all the time and stuff. I think she may not have eaten quite enough because this morning she sucked 3 oz down faster than I've ever seen her do it. I put her down to put her play gym together and she was asleep in the 30 seconds it took me to grab it. Fortunately, A is really learning to take care of her, so I can nap in the evenings if I need to. It's so cute watching him with her. He has an "Evie voice", and he just sings to her and talks to her all the time.

Today, after her next feeding, we're going to the grocery store! It's such a nice day out, and I am in desperate need of food, so we'll see how this first solo outing goes. I hope she cooperates, but at least the store has an easily accessible bathroom, so I can get in there and change her if I need to. I'm not sure how to work taking her in there and still having room in the cart with her car seat, but I don't know how to use the ergo carrier yet :( I'm a little hesitant to try it by myself. It even says in the directions to have someone help you the first time. I can get it on, but I'm not sure how to secure it and get the newborn insert in.

I'm pretty excited to get out of the house with her. I hate being cooped up inside all the time. I'm not someone who can just sit around and watch tv for days at a time. I like shopping and seeing people. I feel a little better taking her out now that she's just about 3 weeks. Plus A took the car to the fire house and had the car seat checked. It was put in wrong! I don't know how. It's the same way as his car, which is super secure, but either way I'm glad we got it checked. Now she'll be really safe, and I can start taking her out for walks, and to go shopping and stuff. I really need it, because my hips hurt if I walk too much, and I need to start getting my body back to normal. Pregnancy is no joke and does a lot to your body. I feel I'll be recovering for quite some time. I do have my appetite back, though, so I'm going to join weight watchers.

All in all, things are good. E just brings a joy to my heart I can't even express. I look at her and I'm just in awe of the fact that we made her. That she's so perfect in every way. And when she stares at me with those big, beautiful eyes that say "I know you. You're my momma".. I just... well I'm tearing up right now. All the words in the world can't explain the love I have for this baby girl. I can't wait to keep sharing everything with her. Learning about her and showing her the world. I'm so lucky. So incredibly lucky.

A Weird Mommy Milestone

I'm entering week 4 of my maternity leave. I can't believe 3 whole weeks are gone. I couldn't imagine having to go back to work after 6 weeks, and it makes me so mad that some women have to because of how horrible the maternity laws are in this country. I'm glad I have 8 weeks left, but it sucks. It just sucks.

Evie is 2.5 weeks old now, and still not sleeping well. She's staying awake a lot more in the mornings, and I'm not sure what to do with her because she's too little to really play, but I try. I feel like she might be off her schedule or something, because for a while she was pretty consistently taking a bottle, getting changed, going to sleep, and getting up 3 hours after we started feeding to do it again. Now she's getting hungry every 2 hours or so, so between feeding, burping, and changing, and trying to get her to sleep, we only get an hour or so. And she's started getting a little fussier when we put her down, so sometimes it takes a while to get her to sleep. People keep telling me it gets better around 3 weeks, so I'm hoping that's true. I still don't need her to sleep all night, but if we could get her back to sleeping 2 hour stretches that would be great. She's consistently taking about 3oz of formula, so I don't know why she wakes up hungry so early. I guess we're just still learning.

A was able to get through a whole "cycle" this morning (this is what we call the feed, burp, change, sleep routine) so I got 2.5 hours this morning straight, and that was awesome. Unfortunately he's back to work tomorrow so I'm on my own tonight.

I did hit an interesting baby milestone. She had the poopiest diaper I've ever seen in the middle of the night, and I got poop on my hands changing her. And she pooped while I was changing her poopy diaper lol. Thank God I had it still under her so it didn't get everywhere. It was crazy!

I think she gets cuter and cuter every day. She makes the best faces, which I can never seem to capture. She has this one where she wiggles and makes a noise that sounds like a laugh, then pulls her chin down to her chest and smiles the CUTEST smile. Everything she does is cute. It doesn't even gross me out to watch poop coming out of her butt. She's just the best baby ever. We just need to work on this sleep thing!

 

Snuggling with momma. The light was low so it's blurry, but I like it because you can see how teeny she is. 

Body Changes

It's been two weeks since my baby girl was born. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone! And I finally got on a scale that my mom insists is accurate to a doctor's scale. Let's just say I was a little surprised when I got on it and discovered I've lost 35 pounds since my last doctor's visit the Friday before E was born. This is particularly awesome because I only gained 25 during the pregnancy. I know a little bit of it is because the surgery made me lose my appetite, and I haven't been eating a lot. I need to try to start eating again or I'm going to end up gaining the weight back. I expect to gain a little back at first, but hopefully it will then even out when my metabolism is back to normal.

I took a picture today in the same outfit as my last pregnancy picture. Here's the comparison:

Obviously I still have a ways to go, and my uterus is still enlarged, but it's quite a difference!

We also went for our first walk today. They told me I could walk at 3 weeks but it was a short one. I did start to hurt after about 10 minutes so we came home. Here's E in her stroller:

We're going to try taking more walks, and at least I figured out how to use the stroller, which, so far, I love!

Saturday my mom and I are taking E out and I'm so excited. I don't know where we're going because I am not taking her into crowded place if I can help it (though we are going out to dinner for my mom's birthday Friday) but it'll be nice to get out of the house with my baby! And I ordered the Ergo carrier so I can start taking her out and wearing her so no one touches her! Hopefully that will come soon.

She's still not doing well with sleep. She was super fussy last night and I only got an hour or so at a time. Hopefully tonight will be better!

Two Week Reflections

I'm sitting here at 8:25 on a Tuesday night (I think. I don't know what day it is most of the time anymore) watching tv with A while E sleeps peacefully in her newborn napper. Life has changed in a major way, and I'm seeing that things will never, ever be the same. I think I mentioned this, but having a newborn is more difficult than I ever imagined. People can tell you it's tough, but you really don't grasp it until you're there. But what's strange is that at 4am when I'm at the end of my rope and I pick up my baby and look at her... this.. feeling comes over me. It's like an adrenaline rush that erases my exhaustion just seeing my sweet girl looking back at me. The way I feel about her is so, so, so different from what I always imagined it would be like. There are times where I think "Man it's going to be a LONG time before I can spend a Saturday lazing around watching movies and sleeping in". I won't lie... it happens. And I think it's because there is just no preparation for having a baby. The overwhelming love and the primal instinct to protect her at all costs. And the changes you think you understand but you really don't until your little one is here in your arms. It's such a strange time, these fist few weeks.

Things change so fast. I feel like my baby is already getting so grown up. She weighs 6 pounds now, and I can tell she's filling out her clothes a little better. She still doesn't cry unless she needs something, but she has been fussier, and I think she's going through a growth spurt and it makes me sad. I know that pretty soon she'll be a year old, then 5, then 18.

She's two weeks old tomorrow and I can't believe it's been so long. Returning to work is looming just 9 weeks away and it's driving me nuts. I don't want to leave her.

Part of me is still wishing away the next week or so in hopes that she'll start sleeping more, but I also don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss 1 cute facial expression. One sweet little noise. I want to hold her and protect her all the time and I don't want the time to go so quickly. She actually did sleep for 3 straight hours last night. I woke up and looked at the clock and I was so confused that she hadn't woken up. It's amazing how good 3 hours of sleep can make you feel when it comes at night and all at once.

 I know this is all jumbled and I'm really not making much sense. Everything is different now. Everything is for my daughter. I never could have imagined what this kind of love felt like. It's absolutely amazing.

Wide awake at 12 days old. She doesn't look like either of us here, but she's gorgeous. That sleeper is a newborn, btw:

Cute faces. I can never seem to capture them but I got close:

The First Few Days

Things have been completely insane since coming home on Sunday. I knew that babies sleep in weird intervals, and I expected to be up a lot at night. What I didn't realize is that newborn babies don't know night from day, which, in this case, has translated to "I don't sleep at all at night". Sunday night was especially difficult. We learned really quickly that we were going to have to forgo the bassinet and our bed for now and set up shop downstairs where we can access the pack n play. Shortly after that we learned we need multiples of everything, all the time. The first night she peed during a changing (all over daddy) and it went through her clothes and blankets (this has happened multiple times!). So we started bringing extra onesies and blankets to whatever room we're in and that helped for night #2.

E also has about 14 poopy diapers the first day, which was insane. We were changing her almost every hour. A was getting very frustrated and confused and we didn't realize how infants sleep, which is so differently from us. It takes them a while of being soothed to get into a deep enough sleep to put them down, so that was a learning experience that also helped for night #2. Sunday night we basically got no sleep at all.

Monday night we definitely changed some things. We had the lights on until we were ready for bed time, which we'd read was a good idea. She didn't poop as much so we didn't change quite as many diapers, which helped. She did pee through blankets again but we had new clothes ready right next to us. And I figured out that once we feed and change and burp her, if I hold her for a half hour or so, it's much easier to get her to sleep in the newborn napper. This technique bought me 2 hours of sleep from 2-4am, which was a total life saver. And I was able to let A get about 6 hours because he took over for an hour earlier and I got a nap. I also discovered that she is pretty good at self-soothing. She's way too young to cry it out, but sometimes she'll get really fussy, and she's been great about getting herself back to sleep. I only go pick her up if she starts really crying, because she really only cries if she needs something, which we're thankful for.

Breastfeeding has been tough because she was losing a lot of weight in the hospital and I had to give her formula, so now it's hard to get her to latch on. I always make her try before I give her a bottle because I do have milk for her, but it's harder than the bottle so she doesn't want to put in the effort. We're trying though, and I may buy a hand pump to give her that instead of formula at least.

I have to admit that things are much more difficult than I thought they would be, but we're learning a lot and we're learning fast so I think things will continue to get better. I think it's good that I didn't start out with expectations of her sleeping a ton. I am hoping to get her to a point where I can feed, burp, and change her, then rock her, and get that done in an hour, then get her to sleep for 2 hours. I think this is attainable and will help us to get some sleep and a good routine for her for right now while she has to eat constantly.

Things are improving and she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen which makes things much easier to deal with. It's tough to really complain when I get to look at this every day.