More Picture-Free Posts About Feelings

As each day passes, I'm thinking I'm getting a little more stressed out. I feel broken-down. I am exhausted... really exhausted, and I think it's a cross between having to sleep in the recliner, which is not in any way a restful sleep, and being mentally tired from dealing with so much at once. After an argument with A, I finally broke down over the dresser. I wanted it done so badly so I could finally organize things, but it wasn't working. The directions were horrible, the holes weren't lining up, and A finally had to give up. And I started bawling. Looking forward to the nursery was something that I think was blocking everything else out - like a dam I'd built to keep the negativity away, that, when broken, allowed all the other feelings in.

A came over and hugged me and we tried again to make things work with the dresser, and it simply wouldn't work, so we gave up. My dad is going to come down and try to see if he can make some sense of it on Tuesday. And I'm OK with that, I just wanted to organize. I did take a bunch of E's things out of the packages to get ready to wash, and did a load that included her swaddles, sheets, and changing pad cover. I'm excited to put that on for some reason. There's still more "stuff" than I ever imagined in the closet, but a decent amount of it is baby pants that need to go in the dresser, or toys, which I'm still unsure of. The good news is the dresser is no longer in my car so I can get the car seat installed.

I'm not really ready for the work week to start. I'm glad I get to work from home tomorrow, but I don't want to work. I want to de-stress, and I want to get things done. I have my NST on Tuesday and I'll be scheduling everything for E's delivery. I want to know when everything is going to happen, but I'm so incredibly stressed out. On the bright side, I think the antibiotics are helping because I'm feeling less like I have to pee RIGHT NOW and then nothing actually comes out. That's pretty uncomfortable so I'm happy to not be dealing with it as much.

I can't believe I only have about 8 work days left before I have my baby. I'm looking forward to the time off, I am just having some trouble adjusting to the whole idea of this baby coming early. And for some reason I have this urge to get the nursery done that I can't control. I want everything in its place, and I want it done now. And I can't have it because of the freaking dresser.

I'm rambling now. I don't really know what I'm thinking and feeling except I just want some rest and some peace. I'm so unsure of everything... I don't even know what to say.