The Hail Mary Cycle

What's that little flutter I'm feeling in my chest today? Could that be... hope?? Yes, I think it is!! And I've missed it!! This HSG has done a lot for me, but probably the biggest is re-establishing some hope where there was just so little for so long. It's not that I expected a blockage... but I didn't know, and so many things have happened I wouldn't have been surprised. I'd sort of resigned myself completely to IVF, but I was nervous about my kidneys and that being our only hope. I figured if my tubes were blocked it'd be OK... but then IVF would be our real only option. We just wouldn't conceive any other way by any chance. And if the doctors couldn't be convinced, we were done for in the fertility world. So today? Hope. And this brings us to the Hail Mary cycle.

If you're reading this blog I'm sure you know what I'm referring to. Hell, when I said it to my husband he knew what I was referring to. He asked for it in so many words a few months ago - remember - "Honey can we PLEASE have ONE more cycle where you say 'honey, we have to do it RIGHT NOW'?" Well, dear, we can. Thank you, God. Now that this HSG is over, I can start BCPs the second my kidneys show improvement. My RE does the mock embryo transfer during BCPs. I'm doing my 24 hour urine this Sunday since my period keeps screwing that up. We'll have some results that I don't expect much of. To be honest, I expect to start to see good news in January and get to start BCPs in February or so. MAYBE March. Which means January should be wide open. And there are some awesome things about January.

• I had an HSG this month. There is a theory rolling around that HSGs can up your fertility. Clearly, given my 30 second, non-rolling-from-side-to-side test, my tubes are clear. But supposedly they're more lubricated after it, too. So... maybe.
• I am down to 80mg of prednisone. 60 on 12/28, and 40 on 01/11. That's like a 20mg a day dose, which is a LITTLE higher than recommended, but WAY better than 60. Also, my period was relatively normal on 35mg , so hopefully the extra 5 won't matter much and I'll ovulate.
• Andy will have had 2 months of religiously taking his meds.

And... we now know that (prednisone aside) I'm OK! There's NO reason I shouldn't be able to get pregnant and have an implanter. I know the prednisone might have messed with day 3 hormones a bit, but on the lower doses I should be getting better.. hell they might be normal now. As for Andy.. well, he was being a jackass and not taking his meds, but by then he'll have more than 2 solid months of perfection. Plus I got him back in Zinc which helps with volume. More volume = more sperm. So even though his morph is 5%, if we get more boys, we have a better chance. And his last SA really wasn't that bad. he had over 30 million, and good motility, so there are definitely some guys in there to meet my egg! Plus, the 5% was strict, and it's very possible there are plenty more with super minor defects that could still pentrate the egg. So we'll see. And finally, we've agreed to a very busy uhm... schedule. Every other day from EWCM through +OPK, then every day for 3 days. Which is waaay more than what we usually do. We have low sex drives. It happens when you have a brain tumor and an SSRI drug meeting up to try to make a baby. But.. too bad. We're doing it anyway. We have fun, we just struggle to care beforehand lol.

And if it doesn't work... well.. that's the Hail Mary cycle. You pray and you ask the universe for positivity and you do everything you can. And if it doesn't work, you move on. But right now we're READY to move on. REALLY ready. Our cycle is paid for, our tests are done. And if my kidneys cooperate, I could be injecting myself for a February or March transfer! Things always take a few extra days, so right now I'm working from.. Good news Feb 1, star BCPs the next week. 3 weeks of BCPs, 2 weeks of stims, mid-late March transfer, and I'd be due late November (38 weeks, per OB). Even if we end up with an april transfer, we'll be trying on our own... which means t here is a CHANCE for pregnancy, and HOPE again. I'm begging my kidneys... I'm praying for them all the time. If they do this for me, I could REALLY have a baby by IVF next year or at least be pregnant. Or maybe even on our own. It's possible now. It's really possible!!!!