The Grandparents

Friday night Evie didn't sleep. Andy and I were supposed to have a date saturday but I was too tired and someone called out of his work so he had to close. Instead of our date I went to my parents' house. It was nice to have help for the day and I got a great nap. Andy didn't get home until almost midnight so he wouldn't have gotten to hang out with us anyway but he missed his girls!!

We watched the new Mission Impossible and Evie slept on my mom. She was in heaven and I got to see a whole movie! They finally acknowledged that my child does not nap and it was nice to have some validation. My mom slept in the other bed in the guest room to help with Evie and that was cool. Of course she slept her longest stretch ever - 10:30-4:30! She did fuss for a minute but she put herself back to sleep. My mom put her binky back in twice, too, but no one had to get up. My mom fed her at 4:30 and she was exhausted. I said "imagine doing that 3 times a night for 9 straight weeks!". But it was nice to have the help. I still feel super tired though and I'm having a day where I feel overwhelmed. I hate those. Fortunately Andy took her so I could nap and I get to hang out with him tonight. Love my hubs!

One More Week

Next week is my last week of maternity. I'm dreading going back so much. We have worked it out so my mom will come down here two days a week to watch E, and E and I will stay up there two nights a week so my mom can watch her the next day. I do t want to be away from Andy but he is usually working until we are in bed one of those nights anyway, and he will have E all day the other day. I'm looking for a reasonable daycare provider for 2 days a week. $800 a month for that is ludicrous. That way my mom will only have two days down here. I'm jealous Andy gets Tuesday but I have her Saturday and Sunday is family day.

I'm still looking for a job where I can telecommute a little, so we will see what I come up with.

E did sleep a 5.5 hour stretch two nights ago (though not at all for part of last night!) so that is good. It will be hard to be up so much at night and then have to work. I don't get naps now but at least I don't have to concentrate on anything. I hope people leave me alone that first day.

This is what dread feels like.

And these are cute pictures of my daughter. She is watching hockey in a restaurant in the second one. I love that she doesn't automatically scream when she wakes up now! It makes taking her out so much less stressful!

WTF, Time?

Holy begeezes my baby is 2 months old. Life... well man is it crazy. She's changed so much it's unbelievable. The other day I went out driving to get her to fall asleep before we went to the grocery store. It didn't work out very well. As soon as I got into the store she woke up. I don't know if other moms do this, but when I take her out I start out with a low level of panic that just builds the longer we're in public and multiplies if she wakes up. To my surprise, she just sat there and looked around until she fell back asleep. She has started doing a lot more being awake and not crying. Sometimes I just sit there and make faces at her and talk with her for even a whole hour! She talks so much, and I can't seem to get it on camera, but whenever I put her up to my shoulder, her eyes get all wide and she opens her mouth like "EVERYTHING IS INTERESTING!!!!". It's hysterical. I crack up laughing every time. And she talks a lot. God she's reminding me of me. She wants to learn and see and be curious about everything in the world.

Her 2 month appointment was today and she is now 10lb 4oz and 21.5 inches long, which puts her in the 33rd and 20th percentiles respectively. She's still catching up from being so small at birth. She's gaining weight like a champ despite all the spitting up, so the doctors aren't concerned, but I did get the imaging referral. I don't want to expose her to X-Rays if I can help it, and the problem is intermittent, so I don't want to take her in case the problem only happens once in a while and they don't catch it, but I'm glad I have the papers.

Everything else checked out. She still has an umbilical hernia, but the doctor said it normally isn't a problem. She put Evie on her tummy and she just rolled over. The doctor was laughing about it. I said she was very determined, and if she didn't want to be on her tummy, she'd find a way not to be.

Getting the shots was horrible. Andy stayed with her and let her squeeze his finger. I was right there but had to turn my head. It was 3 separate needles in her teeny thighs. As soon as they were done he picked her up but I grabbed her away. I was crying. I couldn't help it. I immediately fed her and she stopped crying and she's been great all day. She's been sleeping which she never does, and when she hasn't been sleeping she's just been chillin'. She's such a good girl and I'm so proud.

Oh, and she's also gorgeous. Look at these lashes:

Day Trippin'

Evie did a pretty good job sleeping last night. She went to sleep at 9:30 and woke up at 12:45 and 4:45. She woke up again at 6:30 and I tried for an hour to get her back to sleep, which I do whenever she does this, but I really think 6:30 is going to be her wake up time. So she was up twice last night. If she could do 9:30 to 6:30 and only wake up once I could really work with that!

Today we went to visit A at work. It went pretty well until she decided to have a huge poop. We ran out of wipes mid clean-up, and then she shot poop out and it got all over my hand. We had to clean her up with paper towels and I gave her a bath when we got home. It was funny once we got her cleaned up but not so much in the middle.

Everyone said she was gorgeous. A few people over the last few days have actually said she is perfect, looks perfect, etc. She seems so perfectly formed... Like God sculpted her every detail. More people are starting to say she looks like me - my eyes in particular. A lot of people still see A because of the chin though. She also has his lips. It just amazes me that we made something so incredibly beautiful. Even when I'm standing there with poop on my hands.

She also farted the entire time we were at A's work, but on the bright side he is getting a huge raise! Yay! So now we have to really decide on daycare or not with me going back in two weeks. I can't stand it! I took her in yesterday and all I could think on the way there was how much I didn't want to go back. But it will work out. We will find a way... And a job I can do from home so I can be with my girl! Looking for jobs tonight!

Growing Up

Evie has started smiling more over the last few days and she tries to laugh. It just comes out as a squeal but she is trying. Two nights ago she only woke up twice, too! We are still contemplating getting imaging done, but she is awesome except once in a while when the reflux is crazy and we are getting Prevacid for that so hopefully she won't have anymore of those.

I can't wait until her laugh turns into a real laugh. She is so freaking cute.

It's Been A While

It's been quite some time since I posted. E's been having a lot of reflux issues, so she hasn't been feeling well. We tried a few different formulas that really didn't help, and I finally told the doctor I didn't think the formula was an issue, and the doctor agreed with me since it was a different doctor. We're now on Gerber Good Start, and she's doing great aside from the spit-up. She's just a spitter though, and has done it on all of her formulas. We're putting her on Prevacid to see if she feels even better. I hope so!

We're still not doing well in the realm of sleep, but I think we're getting ready to turn a corner since she's now eating 4+oz at a time!

In other news, she is the sweetest, most beautiful baby I have ever seen. She makes these faces that simply melt my heart. Sometimes I just crack up because she's so funny. This morning she fell asleep on my chest and I just laid there and held her and enjoyed the fact that she's mine, and I never have to let her go.

She looks so different to me than she did when she was born. I guess almost doubling her weight helps. She was 9lb 12oz on Friday, so she'll be over 10lb at her 2 month. Her eyes are still a gorgeous dark blue. She's simply amazing to me in so many ways. I can't believe we made her. 

Her eye looks weird here for some reason.

 

I think all the time about how I don't want to go back to work, and what I could do to be able to stay home. I'm looking for a new job as soon as I have time. One where I can work from home part time. And maybe one that's more fulfilling. I'm bored. I need mental stimulation. Especially when I go back and am just missing my daughter all day. I do have 6 weeks of sick leave to pay back, which will take 2 years, but if I move to a different government agency it can continue there. I know working from home doesn't mean I can just play with my daughter all day, but it means I don't have to miss her during my commute, and I can see her whenever I want. Although I did put her on the waiting list for work daycare. It's about $900-$1000 a month for full time, and it's $800 for 2 days a week at regular daycares. It would be nice to have a place to take her if there's an emergency and my mom can't make it. The list is super long though, so I need a backup plan and I don't have one but "mom please help until we figure something out". She keeps telling me she'll take Evie for a week so she should help in the beginning, but.. uhm.. not giving her up for a week. Seriously. I don't like her being out of my sight for an hour. Love you, mom, but no. If she wants us to stay at her house a night or two during the week so she doesn't have to drive, I get it... but I can't leave her. Just can't do it. Hopefully I'll figure something out until a spot at work opens up!

In general, things are ok. I miss my hubs. He's been in horrible pain from something with his teeth, so he's getting that fixed on Tuesday. My parents are on vacation but when they come back we're going on  a date and I'm so excited.

Oh, and my doctor called and said I have an infection.. bladder or kidney.. so my creatinine still might be artificially high! God I hope so!!!

Anyway, life is sort of amazing. I'm so in love with my little family. My daughter is perfect. I'm so lucky. Don't think I forget it.

Milestone Caught on Tape!

Today Evie is 6 weeks old. I can't say it enough but time is going by way too fast. We're celebrating by having an awesome day. We went to Target and have been playing and singing and having fun. Her Wubbanub came in so she's sleeping right now. I like this new paci already! It's been in her mouth for 15 straight minutes. Definitely a record. I took a ton of pictures today because I put her in a cute green romper my friend Megan got her (it's 70 degrees!) and when we were at Target I saw a matching headband, so of course I had to buy it. And she let me catch her rolling over! Finally! She did start flat on her belly, but I had to grab the camera and by the time I realized she was going to do it she'd gotten a little bit over already.

We also finally got our first non-relative visitor! This is Evie with her (pretend) aunt Michelle!

I'm so glad it has been warm out. I love putting her in cute outfits. Plus it allows us to change her into jammies at night to make that part of a bedtime routine! She's been sleeping much better. I think 4+ hour stretches are coming!

Bad News

I had my appointment with the nephrologist today. It wasn't a good appointment. As it turns out, my creatinine is 1.69, so it didn't go back down like we thought it would. And my protein went back up to 6g. It was pretty devastating, but in a way I'm sort of numb to it. And he said we've tried pretty much everything, so right now we're considering 1.7 my baseline, and we'll see what happens with some of the old treatments that didn't work before we look at the last thing, which he also doesn't expect to work. He said our goal is to preserve as much renal function as possible. I said to him "Being completely honest, with numbers like this, will I need a transplant?" He said yes. If we can't get my protein down, which we haven't been able to so far and are pretty much out of options. Right now my GFR (glomerular filtration rate) is 40, and they start testing at 30. He did say he thinks it's due to the pregnancy and the awful cold i had, which sucks because everything said if my creatinine is 1.4 or under I should be fine (and it was 1.1). Of course I'm the freak that doesn't follow the norm.

I brought E to the appointment, and his face lit up when he saw her. I told him I would make the same choice again right now even knowing everything I know. She's worth it, and I have 0 regrets. I do still hope we can make some improvements, though. I'd like to keep my own kidneys for a few years until they are building kidneys out of people's own stem cells. They already do it with bladders. We'll see if I can. Right now that means blood pressure meds, weight loss, and a low sodium diet. I hope it helps.

I don't think I'm in the right mental state to talk about how I feel about it all, but... I do need to do this. I need to be around for Evie, and I don't want to ever hear her say "why is my mommy sick?". I want to be healthy for me, but it's devastating because of her. I need to take care of my daughter which means I need to take care of me. She deserves the best mom she can get.

Gratuitous cuteness.

Happy and in love daddy with his teeny girl.

She loves her bee! I cant wait until the hair grows in on top of her head. Seriously pictures don't do her cuteness justice. She has the cutest face I've ever seen.

Holy Geez

E was fussy today so I layer her down for some tummy time and what does she do? Rolls over! I could not believe my eyes. She first rolled onto her side and I thought "this is not really happening..." and then bam! Onto her back. She has been close for a few days but today it finally happened. She is so advanced! I read online that babies might roll from tummy to back as early as 2-3 months... She is not even 6 weeks! Proud momma? Yes sir.