Still no news from the doctor. I finally broke down and called. I hate doing that because they get really annoyed, but I turned in my results a week ago Monday. 9 business days is enough to get a response. Apparently the doctor has been out of town, so that makes sense, but the lab has a history of sending the results to the wrong place, so hopefully when he's back in the office they'll be waiting. I want to know what's going on. My ankles swelled up like crazy yesterday, so that's not good. I am sure it's due to the fact that my diet has been completely in the shitter. I've gained 2.5 pounds back. I think on a subconcious level it's a little bit of "Well I don't know my results, and we're not starting yet, so I still have a little bit of time". But the RE did stress once again that I still have like 8 pounds or something to lose. 10 now I guess! I don't plan to pay much attention to my diet this weekend. It's my 30th birthday on Monday and we're going out all weekend and I plan to enjoy it. I'll get back in the swing on Monday. Now that I'm feeling better and the ancxiety is at least somewhat decreased, I feel I can start working on my eatnig habits again.

I'm not going to do the obligatory turning 30 post, but I'll say it - I expected to be a mom by now. Or at least pregnant. I remember when I got married over a year ago thinking I'd be pregnant by now. And then we were on a forced break until February. And then we started and I was so hopeful. And here we are.. turning 30 on Monday on another forced break. *sigh* I'm scared to be hopeful that I'll be pregnant or give birth by my 31st birthday. All I need is my kidneys to get better and then we'll be doing IVF... a couple of times if needed. I do have hope that it'll work, but I'm scared to get excited about it.

Ironically, the doctor's office called while I was writing this. They were able to get my labs (only after calling Quest Diagnositc for them) so he'll be back in on Monday and hopefully calling me then. That means it'll be good news, right? Since it's my birthday? I hope so. I keep telling myself that last time I was on prednisone the first few results weren't great. It took 3 months or so to get positive results, and this was done after only 5 weeks, so if it's not good news, it might just take more time. Yes, I keep teling myself this. But I don't know how I'll feel if it's actually bad news. The idea of not having a baby because of my kidneys is looming in front of me. I wish we could just be fertile and try on our own, but we're not, and we can't. My fertility future lies in the hands of 3 doctors who, while well-meaning, will never be in my position, having someone else decide something SO BIG for them. And if they say no, we'll be going to a new clinic and starting over. I wont give up on this dream. But I hope my kidneys cooperate and I don't have to worry about it.

For now, I'm going to forget fertility and have a good weekend. I'm going to a happy hour tonight, a bar tomorrow, and a football game and then Cheesecake Factory for my birthday with my favorite people - mom and dad and my brother and sister-in-law. And hubs, of course, who will be celebrating his birthday too since it's a week later. I'm excited, and Christmas always puts me in a good mood. I just hope I get some good news next week to go with it.