OK. I'm ready for a baby already. I know I'm still trying to deal with the anxiety disorder, but... man do I want to be pregnant. I hate that my friends are actively trying and I have to sit on the sidelines. I keep wanting to give Andy that 1 cycle, but I don't want to do it while I'm on the super high doses of prednisone. It's messing with my blood sugar too much. I get to step down to 100mg in the beginning of December and will be at 60 by January, which is a much more workable dose. I guess we'll discuss everything at the appointment on Tuesday. I can't believe we have a real IVF consult on Tuesday!!!! I know it's not a normal one because we can't come up with an exact timeline, but we'll have a "as soon as my kidneys look better" timeline. I imagine December will be a testing cycle. The only test I need (I think) is the HSG, but I'll be on CD11, and I doubt they'll set it up for the next day, so I'll miss the window. I'm not too upset about that lol. I want meds. I know I'm being a baby about it. I know this. But no one but me knows just how sensitive my cervix is (now you can guess, but I doubt you want to). I'm actually a little nervous about the results. I get a lot of weird cramping that I hope is actually normal, but always makes me nervous.

I was thinking today about Andy holding our little one and holding his hand while he learns to walk. I just can't wait. Dont tell Andy, but I actually feel like our first baby will be a girl. I know he wants a boy, but as soon as our baby is born he won't care. He's a little sensitive because he knows it's still very possible we'll only get to have 1 biologically, and he really wants to pass on those genes with the family name. I get that, which is why I'm hoping it's a boy too (if it was up to me I'd want a girl!).

I dunno.. I feel better about things today. I know I'm going to be very complicated with the kidneys and the prednisone stuff, but I have great doctors who know what we're up against. My blood pressure has been a little high lately (damn kidneys) so I REALLY need to stop stressing or my doctor is going to put me on a blood pressure medication. I don't need ANY more things to get in my way. The endocrinologist did say today that my A1C has gone down, and she was amazed that this happened on prednisone, so I'm very excited. She did say that I'm pre-diabetic, so she expects me to have some sugar issues during pregnancy. GREAT. I guess it's important I lose as much weight as possible then, because she also said it's weight-related. At least I'm moving in the right direction. If we can just get to February I think I can lose a significant amount of weight and right the blood pressure and sugar. I want a HEALTHY baby and that requires me being as healthy as possible. I'm doing everything I can. This kidney thing is annoying as crap because without it I wouldn't have the sugar or the bp issues!!! ARGH. Well, we play the hand we're dealt, so.. hopefully the prednisone will work and these things will get better.

I'm ready for my baby!