I got crosshairs on my FF chart today. It still makes me smile, even if it doesn't "mean" anything. Just to know that something is functioning in there. I'd figured as much yesterday when I hit almost 98 degrees. That's a certain post-O temp for me, so it looked like it happened in a semi-timely manner this month. I'd figured it was on around day 22, but FF says 20. I think it's off, but we'll see when AF comes.

I'm dealing with everything that's been happening the best I can today. I want so much to be a mommy at my next birthday. Or to be an expecting mommy. It's hard knowing it might not happen. That my kidneys just may not cooperate at all. It's very frustrating for me, and the waiting makes it worse. I turned in my 24 hour urine over two weeks ago now and I still don't have results. It's not fair to make me wait like this. I understand that he's busy, and was out of town... but that doesn't make me sitting here obsessing on what could be any easier. I need to know what's happening in my own body... what steps to take, what to expect, if Im' improving at ALL. If I'm not... well.. that could mean the end of the dream of a biological baby, and to withhold that information from me is criminal. I'm angry... very angry. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving and I'm pissed... that this is such a big deal and no one cares but me. If I don't have my results by the end of the day today, there will be hell to pay.