I hate when a BFP brings me down. It's not that I'm not happy for the person, but there's always a part of me that thinks "Really!? HOW!?" Sometimes, when someone who has MFI gets a natural BFP, I think "Why can't that be me? Why do they get to have lower morph than us but get a natural BFP?" I know it's horrible, and I feel guilty, but I can't help what goes through my head sometimes. I try not to be so negative but I feel like it should've been enough that I had the kidney disease. Why did Andy have to have MFI too? And what if something else is wrong? I just sometimes feel like it's never going to happen, because I don't have years to keep trying. I have to have approval from doctors to do treatments, and it's so unlikely we'll get pregnant without it. So if I don't get the approval, I don't get a baby, and it's so freaking unfair.

*sigh* OK. I'm going to have to find a better way to deal with this. I think I'd feel better if I had my test results. It's been an entire week now since I turned them in. I'd think as important as this is they would let me know ASAP what the results were. I want to know how my kidneys are doing. This prednisone SUCKS with a capital S, and I'd like to know if it's having any effect at all. On a brighter note, today is the start of week 7, so two weeks from today I get to move to 100mg, then 2 weeks later to 80, then 60, then 40. Thank GOD. But, I also want to make an appointment with the High risk OB, and I want to get our planned straightened out, so I need to know what's going on. I'm tired of getting different plans from each of them. Plus I need approval to do the HSG and I want to get that over with!!!!

All of this worrying is driving me insane. I need to get started with SOMETHING soon!