Ok. I won't say I haven't been thinking about things at all, but I've felt SO much better since my last post. I've been able to think about things other than babies and our failure to conceive one. I'm still very nervous about all of Andy's tests. We'll have some results hopefully by the end of this week and the rest on the 23rd, so we will be able to come up with a plan. I'm hoping to go back to the RE this month so that by the beginning of May we know what we want to do. We're thinking of skipping IUI altogether since the success rate isn't very high. We're hoping that Andy is completely normal and we can just try like normal folks soon, but if that doesn't happen, IVF in July right on schedule. I wish that we could try on our own while we were waiting for results and plans, but we keep hitting stumbling blocks. I also want Andy's medicine to work faster. The doctor told us up to 6 months, and though it has only been 11 weeks, I'm getting impatient. I keep thinking that things that are not back to normal will never get there. I know I need to give it more time but that's tough. I do not have my kidney tests results back yet so I don't know about our timing issues.

I'm feeling calmer about the whole process and much more trusting that God will carry us through this journey and that his timing is right and that eventually we'll see it. It is hard, and sometimes I still REALLY want control to be in my hands instead, but he's helping me cope and soon we'll know for sure what we're doing and that will be a huge weight off. I still want to get some tests done on myself, and I've asked Andy to make an appointment for ASAP after we have gathered all our tests results. I know the RE wants me to do an HSG anyway, so I want to plan and set up for that and the saline ultrasound since they're expensive and I don't want waiting on those tests to delay our IVF schedule (if we do need it). Still not looking forward to either test. I also want to get the basic bloodwork done to check P4, or a sonogram to see if I have follicles and such because if we don't do IVF, we'll be wasting time if I'm not ovulating. I know everything points to "yes" except the stupid OPKs, but I'm not convinced and I need that peace of mind.

I had another friend tell me she doesn't think we'll need IVF. Everyone seems to have "a feeling" about us, and I think it's just wishful thinking, but I hope not. I really do see us with a baby in our arms in the next year, year and a half, so we'll see. This month we have 2 appointments for results about Andy, 1 for my kidneys, and hopefully one for both of us to sit down with the RE and decide exactly what's next and get all my tests ordered. It's going to be a busy month but at least things are getting done. In the mean time I will continue to pray and ask God for guidance and peace, and hope that he brings us our baby (and that we don't need IVF [or the associated horrifying tests] and our miracle baby comes without much more medical inervention)!