There Are Other Things In Life

I lost 3 pounds last week. That cant possibly be a bad thing in this baby journey. Dh and I have decided that if he is not "back to normal," as the doctor says, by June we will be moving onto IVF in July. That gives him 5 months of meds, and it gives me 6 months to lose weight before IVF.

With that said, I don't want to do IVF. I am mildly terrified of the HSG (although I'd gladly do it if it means we get our baby) but I'm concerned that the large quantities of iodine will damage my kidneys and I really don't need that. I don't want to have to spend the money, either. I would do all of it to have a new baby, but it's a scary thought, so I'm hoping beyond hope that this medicine works for Andy.

I keep trying to rely on my faith that God will take care of us. I want so badly to know what's going on, though, that I worry, and I end up praying every night that he helps me to let go of control and let him handle it. I have so much trouble but I want to let go. I want to let God handle it in his time and do what he knows is best for us. My mom did that by buying us baby clothes. I think I need to do that, too. It'll be a physical reminder that I trust God to take care of us and bring us our baby in his time.

I'm a week into this cycle and I'm being so negative about it. I want to try to be positive, and not stress myself out, so I bought myself a timer for my camera so I can take pictures. Then I remembered my computer is broken so I have nowhere to put the pictures, but I'm hoping that gets fixed this week. I'm hoping that focusing on weight loss will help me keep my mind out of babies and stress, too. I'm trying to throw myself into the gym. It makes me feel good and that way even if I don't have my baby in the next few months, I'll know I'm doing something positive for myself and the baby.

3 pounds down is good. I have my deep water class tonight which is exciting because it's so much fun and burns 800 calories. And hey, I only have 4 pounds to lost to get down to my previous highest weight ever. Haha. And then another 109 to get to my goal. This is going to take forever, but I'm determined, and doing well. I'm proud of myself.