Well, still no cramps, still no period. My temp went down again today... and I mean.. a LOT... but it was also freezing and I was shivering and missing a blanket a lot, which I've read can really affect your temps. For now I'm still expecting AF any second although if I wasn't temping there'd be absolutely no sign of her impending wrath. I still want to know what all the Monday/Tuesday cramping was about. I guess I'm not out since she's not here, but I'm losing hope. I'll test Sunday if she hasn't arrived.

My plan for next month is to take soy CD 3-7. Since I'll be in town and can closely monitor with OPKs and temp, it should be ok if I ovulate early or late. I hope it doesn't cause me to NOT ovulate, but I don't know why it would. It's a risk, but what do I have to lose? We'll also BD every other day from CD 12 I think. I think we'll also BD the day after the +OPK just in case. It should be easier now that my mom has officially moved out. Now I just have to get past being tired 24/7.

i've also realized that my weight has gotten SO FAR out of control. At this point I need to lose 20 pounds (on a doctor scale) if I want to qualify for IVF at all, and since we plan to start in July, I don't have much time. I think this month and this 2ww has taught me a lot. I can't believe how much I love this baby that may not even be in there. I can't even express it, and I would do anything for him. It makes me realize how much I NEED to be healthy for my baby. He's going to be living in my body for 9 months and I don't want to feed him crap all the time. I want to have the best shot of carrying a healthy baby and being healthy myself and his weight has got to go. I'm way too close to seeing a "3" in the front of my weight, and I will NOT let that happen. I have way too much to lose to keep gaiing weight. I am so disgusted and fed up with myself for letting it get to this point and it ends now. I will exercise and get over my "people seeing me in a swimsuit" fear. I will stop eating junk and start eating healthy for me and my baby. If we do need the IVF, I don't want to put it off because I'm too freaking fat. That's just... ridiculous!!!!! I'm done. Done. Done. Done with this life.. this body.. these habits. I will take an official starting weight and pictures Sunday, and then it's on. I will finally have the body and life I've wanted, and I will put healthy things into my system for this child.

I love you, baby. Mommy's going to do whatever it takes for you. I promise.