Oh, Crap.

Christmas was wonderful. I had an amazing time with my family and Evie actually napped at my parents' house. I went to bed in a good mood, though not completely ready to go to work on Thursday. At some point in the middle of the night I woke up with a headache. I got a little more sleep but by around 6 I couldn't sleep. I took some tylenol and decided to head to work, but then I threw up the tylenol, and threw up once more. I made it to work but by this point I was a little concerned because I know the signs and symptoms of Pre-E. So I told myself I'd have the nurse at the health center check my BP. If it was OK, I was just having a migraine. If not, I had to go to the hospital. I wasn't just a little susprised when it was 174/110. The nurse suggested I go by ambulance but I wanted to drive myself. I had to go to the hospital where my MFM is because my local hospital can't handle babies before 32 weeks, and I was actually closer to that one from work anyway. By the time I got to the hospital my BP was 220/110.

Needless to say, they were concerned. They started me on IV BP meds that weren't doing a whole lot, and they noticed my kidney function was getting worse, so they admitted me. For a while, they weren't sure if they were going to have to deliver the baby, so I got steroid shots and ended up in a meeting with pre-op so they had all my information in case I needed an emergency c-section. Which, of course, was terrifying. Andy was home with the baby and couldn't rush down, and I was OK with that for a while. My dad went over there so he could come down though, and having him there helped a lot. With keeping me in bed and lots of meds we were able to get my BP to come down and stay down, and I was able to go home Friday.

This whole thing is terrifying, though. I had issues with Evangeline that started around 34 weeks, and I was able to keep her in until 36+6. I'm only 31 weeks with this baby and I am now striving for 36. Hoping and praying I can keep him in 5 more weeks. The doctors are hoping for another month. And it all feels so hopeless. I'm super on edge and I keep analyzing every weird feeling I have. I'm not ready for this baby to come, and he's not ready to be here. He needs more time but my body is failing.

When I delivered Evie my creatinine was 1.8, and at the time it was the highest it had ever been. It's now 1.8 and likely worsening. And at what point does that start to worry us? I'm already worried, but are my kidneys just going to flat out fail at some point? With weeks to go and worsening renal function already? I'm so tired and I just want my babies and I to be healthy. I want to be able to chase Evie again and I want to be able to provide everything this newbie needs. It's a tough place to be in, not knowing what's going to happen. On Christmas day I thought I was OK, and the next day I was in the hospital trying not to deliver my son. I don't know what will happen tomorrow.

My family is being super supportive. Andy is trying his best to hold me up while at the same time freaking out himself. My work is being supportive of me needing to work from home, and I'm thankful for that. If we didn't have the income from now until delivery I don't know what I'd do. I'm supposed to take things easy and not run errands and get help chasing my almost 2 year old, which is so tough. I am hoping to start working from home on Thursday throughout the duration of the pregnancy (which we're pulling for February).

I guess what I'm trying to say is I have no idea what's going to happen and I'm terrified. I don't feel like I can fully express how I'm feeling, but I'm scared, and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry on my husband, but we have too much to do and too much on our plates to waste time with me being a baby. It doesn't make it easy. We just need rest. And prayers.