Seconds

I want another baby. I do. I've said it. I guess right now our official title would be "WTTC" for at least 7 months until we're done trying Cellcept for my kidneys. But I can't help but thank about it constantly. Some strange, masochistic part of me is excited about cycling again. We'd be doing a FET so I can only hope it would be a bit easier than a fresh cycle. I miss the feeling that there is a REAL possibility that a baby is growing in my uterus.

Last night Andy was talking about how he thinks we can convert our guest room into a bedroom. Maybe I was being dense, but I said "why?". He explained that we could have another baby and it would have its own room. So I know he's fully on board with more babies. He'd like to wait until Evie was 3, but I think waiting until she's around 2 is OK for him. He knows we're still not "normal" folks and have things like my kidneys to think about.

It's sad that Evie's growin up so fast. I'm so incredibly proud of her. She's getting her point across much more effectively now, and her vocabulary has expanded to include "mama, mom-mom, (yes she knows the difference) dada, hi, no, kitty, yay, baby, Gil, (her Bubble Guppy) and bob-bob (a bottle)". But I can't help but miss the tiny baby that slept on my chest. The other day she wasn't feeling well so I tried to get her to nap with me in the bed and she refused. It's rare that I can get her to slow down enough for solid cuddles (so I relished it when all she wanted was to lay in bed and watch tv when she was sick on Tuesday). We're not ready financially yet, but we will be soon. We own our house and all our bills are paid, we just need to pay down credit cards.

And there's always the lingering feeling of guilt about having 3 babies in the freezer waiting for their chance, and the thought that I might not get a chance to use them all, and what then?

Having a second baby is a lot to think about, but it's something we both want, and it's been on my mind pretty much constantly. Every time I see a pregnant woman I miss it. The feeling of my sweet baby moving around in there, always reminding me she's there. And, what I never thought about before having her, but seeing what she looked like for the first time! I mean with the diversity of genes any number of possibilities could come out, but we got our gorgeous Evangeline. Will her sibling look like her, or not at all? Who knows?

All I can say for sure is I want this. I'm going to call Shady Grove soon and set up an appointment to discuss a FET cycle and see what they say. They might even say "no" given my kidney problems. But I want to know, and I want to try. So come Fall, we'll be on our way to cycling again and making a Sterlachini + 2. So I guess I'll have to change the blog name. But either way, I'm excited, and I can't wait to get this show on the road.

And for now, the escapee being cute: