Making Changes

It's Memorial Day and I'm pretty happy. I've gotten to spend 3 whole days with Evie and I miss spending all day with her every day. Every so often she reminds me of why it's not complete and total hell going to work by screaming and throwing her body around when trying to eat. I've tried everything to keep her from doing it and nothing helps, so I guess I just have to wait it out and hope she grows out of it. She's napping right now and it looks like it may last. And she's not in my arms which means... I should probably spend this time writing a blog, not cleaning?

Today I'm trying to embark on a new post-baby journey. I feel like I took over the body of a completely different person. I'm overweight obese, so I already had some stretch marks, but my stomach now is crazy. I have more stretch marks. The lower part of my belly is a jiggle fest, and the top part is hard, and protrudes more because the muscles are still shifting back into place. My body is a mess, and so I haven't taken any time to try to look nice. I'm down to my pre-pregnancy weight, and have been for some time, but it's time to really work hard. Sometimes my joints hurt, and part of it is still healing, and part of it is having so much extra weight to carry around. I want to be able to run around after my daughter, take her fun places, and be around for her when she's older. I'm pre-diabetic, I have hereditary high cholesterol so it's already extremely high, and I overload my kidneys by making them work harder by processing even more blood. Yes, I want to have more babies and need to fix my kidneys, but I want to be around for the baby I have. I NEED to do something.

So I joined Weight Watchers. I love their program, and I've lost a lot of weight on it before, but then I started steroids and gained it back. I know I can do this. According to the internet, I need to lose about 110 pounds to be in the "normal" range, and 75 to not be obese. Seriously? That's terrible. So I need to get started. Today I'm re-stocking my pantry with healthier foods, and taking Evie for a nice, long walk. Since I have my mom to help with Evie, I can start eating healthier dinners and bringing lunch to work without having to get too distracted. I can take walks with her in the evenings as well.

I think exercising and eating well will help my mood, which hasn't been great and has contributed a lot to arguing with A. We did come up with some solutions last night to our issues so I'm excited about that. And we're really, really ready to buy a new house and get out of our tiny craphole. We want to be in the new place by Thanksgiving so Evie can spend her first Christmas in her own home.

I feel like now that I'm getting better sleep and back into more of a routine, I'm ready to really make some changes and put a little bit more focus back on me. I do deserve to feel good about myself, so I need to make an effort to get myself to a place where I can do that. I want to be a healthier, happier momma. I'm pretty excited to get started. And I have this gorgeous smile to motivate me!