It's been a hell of a weekend. My anxiety level is at a crazy high, and I really wish I could just take a few days off, but I can't. We had to be out of our old house by last night, but Andy and I got into a huge fight on Friday. We've been arguing a lot, and for a while, really. Y'all know I have OCD, but he has severe ADHD, and so he says ridiculous things all the time and so do I, and we end up hurting each other and upsetting each other by accident. I know I'm tough to handle. Especially when my OCD is at its worst, and I didn't have my medication for a while, so our communication level just dropped to basically nil.

Fortunately, we are both pretty good at fixing things when they get broken. Right now we're pretty broken, but we're working hard.

Back in January of 2010, Andy was diagnosed with a pituitary adenoma, and he STILL hasn't taken care of it. I told him he needs to take care of it because I'm not going to sit around and have him get irritated every 14 seconds when he might very well be a lot calmer if he didn't have a giant tumor on the "master" gland. He's going to do that, and take medicine for his ADHD. I'm going to take my medicine religiously. He's also going to go home for a few days and try to clear his head. Right now our life is in complete disarray. Our house isn't finished, let alone organized, and that really affects him. He needs some time in an organized environment. Plus he needs his friends. He never admits it to me, or he didn't until yesterday, but his mom called him out on how much he misses being home in Philly. I have always known that, but we're stuck here because my job is too good to leave. He'd like to go back, but we can't, and especially now with the baby.

Our life has been so stressful from the get-go. He had to move away from everyone he loved to be with me. Then I developed a progressive kidney disease. Then he got a brain tumor. Then we had infertility. Then we finally got our baby, which is AMAZING, but it is stressful. And the house, a month later, is still in shambles. Sometimes it's hard for us to keep our heads above water with all of this stress. One thing we DO know is we love each other, and we made the most perfect baby there is, and we love her more than anything. We need to work on ourselves individually, and we need to work on our relationship. For us, and for her. We need to get back to happier, less stressful times, and learn to deal better when times are tough.

Andy apologized last night for being difficult. He says I have so much on my plate, and it was honestly really nice to be recognized for that. OCD is a hellish disorder, plus kidney disease, a full time job, and a baby? It's a lot to keep straight and I get cranky sometimes and it was nice to hear that he realizes how much I really do.

I'm making it a priority to try to be as stress-free as possible. I'm joining the damn Y today (I keep saying that but I mean it this time). I'm going to start exercising again. I'm going to see my doctor and take my medicine. I'm going to try to be as organized as possible for Andy's sake, and he's going to try to relax a bit for mine. We'll be ok, we just have to make sure we prioritize the right things in life. Evie is number 1, which is a given. And our individual healths, and our relationship have to be next. We need to focus on that. 

I don't talk about negatives in my relationship much because I don't like to, but the fact is, a lot of couples have trouble coping as they move into new roles as mom and dad. I know it's been 7 months, but it can be quite a transition. I don't know how people who haven't been through as much as we have already do it. I hope things really do improve. I think we're both at a point where we're ready to put nonsense behind us and really start marching forward together. We have fun stuff planned for this weekend and we deserve it. We never get to just do fun things together. I can't wait to be with my hubs and baby girl and go to the Pumpkin Patch!

And in the mean time... we have the happiest baby on earth.

OMG this face