A Long Overdue Update

I know, I know. I'm a total slacker. I admit it. The thing is, life has been pretty crazy. Andrew turned 1, then Evie turned 3. I'm still working full time, and my kidneys are still really terrible. Slowly but surely getting worse. 4% more to go and I can get a transplant!

Of course this weighs on my mind, and I'm just exhausted most of the time. I try to make life as normal as possible for the kids, though.

Evie started a prep program at a local elementary school. She goes 4 days a week for half days and she's doing really well. She started her new daycare today, and though my husband dropped her off, I was on the phone for it, and she seems completely fine, and that makes me happy. she tends to get a little overwhelmed after a while, and cries some at school, but she's only gone 3 days, and I think she just needs to get used to the routine. At her old daycare she screamed all day for a month, so this is progress. She knows letters and numbers and shapes, and is really prepared for kindergarten already. She loves to sing and sings all day long. Her speech is wonderful now, and she's really showing interest in hobbies. She loves playing with Disney princesses and My Little Ponies. She loves superheroes of any variety. And she still loves to be outside. All she wants in life is to run around outside, and I'm so happy that that's important to her. She's really into mommy right now. Everywhere she goes she asks for me. She follows me around the house. She tells me she misses me if I go to the bathroom. It's so sweet, but also a little overwhelming. She can be an overwhelming child, but she's also the most amazing little girl I've ever known, imagined, or heard about!

Andrew is the happiest little guy ever. I mean this kid is so content to just play with toys and talk to himself. He loves to cuddle his mommy (even though he normally wants to be put back down after like 10 seconds). He always strays and then comes back to make sure I'm still there. He sleeps 12 hours a night every night. Almost without fail. We're so blessed on the sleep front. He loves Chugginton, and he loves just motoring around. He's not walking yet at 14.5 months, but he was almost 2 months early. He does pull up and try to take steps, but he doesn't have good balance yet. He also doesn't have any words. For a while I thought it was a function of his prematurity, but at this point I'm fairly certain he is partially deaf. We're going to find out on Thursday. He's very engaging, but he doesn't respond to his name at all. You can scream right behind him and he doesn't even flinch. I'm a little nervous, but whatever happens we'll deal. He's such a wondeful little man.

I really feel like I hit the lottery with my kids. Yes, Evie has sensory issues and can throw a heck of a tantrum if she's tired, but she's just so smart and sweet and Andrew is as well. They're such amazing little people. So here are some recent pictures!

The next few pictures are from Easter. Evie found a "mister egg" with a pony in it, and Andrew and his daddy are enjoying the great weather.

 

The next two are just Evie being Evie. We went outside to play and she declared a tree she found "my tree" and there she is pointing out which one.

 

 

We also went to Florida! My parents have a house there so we went for a few days. Evie had a total meltdown in the airport through security and waiting in line when they called us to board. At the gate and on the plane she was totally fine. On the way back we got priority boarding on the basis of disability (SPD) and it was great! She got straight on the plane and didn't have to stand in the tunnel, so she was awesome. She only got upset through security! I think she has some claustrophobia because she didn't like when I shut her window. As you can see, Andrew did fine haha. On the way home, we boarded at his bed time, so he screamed and screamed. People kept sitting in front of us and then moving. I kept saying that as soon as we moved he'd be fine, and he was. The second we started to taxi he fell asleep and both kids were quiet the rest of the flight. Everyone was looking at us in either terror or solidarity, but the kids proved they are just as good as mommy says they are! Evie does have a bit of a seat-kicking habit, though, so my dad sat in front of her seat. It worked out because E, my mom, and Andrew and I had a whole row and my dad got to sit in front and read and sleep.

 

 

 

It was an odd trip for Andrew, though. I just finished saying he's really good, and he is, but he cut two teeth while we were there, and he was super whiny when we were in the house. I think he just missed certain toys and tv channels. Plus the entire ordeal was a new experience. Evie has been on one vacation, but it wasn't far from home (no plane ride). Andrew has never been away from home before except for a night here or there. He'll get used to it. One thing they did love was that they could go outside. It was in the 40s for most of our trip back home, and in the 80s in Florida, so we went to the beach and the pool a lot. My parents have a huge screened in porch where Evie could safely be kind of outside, and she just loved it. I really cannot wait to go back.

'Twas the Week Before Christmas

It has been really difficult for me to get any pictures of Evie lately. At least non-blurry, non-cheesy-face photos. She's always moving, hence her nickname "tornado". She's so beautiful but I can't do her justice in pictures. I think it's time to break out the SLR and do some things for Christmas (with Andy's help) because I don't want to forget anything about this special time in our lives - our FIRST Christmas as a family! But first things first - updates!

Evie is doing a lot better with her motor skills. She's starting to feed herself a lot more these days. Her Occupational Therapist says she has all the knowledge of what things are and how to do them, but can't translate it into her movements. She's "locked". We think it's because she has ADHD and has impulsivity issues so when we ask her to draw a circle, she knows what it is, but her hand just wants to go and she ends up scribbling. We're working with her on that. She has so much knowledge, though, that she tested above her age in speech. She knows all her colors and shapes and asks for them by name. She knows a cylinder! How cool is that? She's completely in love with My Little Pony and Frozen, and she LOVES to sing. It's hilarious and adorable. She's become incredibly affectionate and she's always looking for me and talking to me and being amazing. She loves to give me things for her brother, and she gives him kisses all the time. When she wakes up she calls for him "Hi Bwubber!!" and she always wants to touch him. If she thinks he needs a jacket she'll bring it over, or a bib or something. It's so sweet.

Andrew, meanwhile, is growing up so fast. He's started saying "mama" to go along with the "dada" and it melts my heart into a puddle of goopy mess. I get to spend time with Evie every night when he goes to bed, so whenever Andy is home to play with Evie, I try to spend some time with Andrew in his room singing andplaying  and working on skills. I just want him to have some special mommy time as well. He's such a sweet boy. He sleeps all night just about every night. He wakes up happy from every nap and every night. I put him in his crib smiling at night and he puts himself to sleep and wakes up smiling, too. He's crawling and can get to a sitting position on his own now. He's not pulling up but that's mostly because there's so little to pull up on. He pulls up on my shirt, and he tries on his toys, but they aren't stable. When I stand him up at a toy he will try to reach for things and take a step or two. He's not walking or standing on his own, and I get a little nervous about that, but then I remember he wasn't supposed to be born until March, and I wouldn't expect a 9 month old to be walking! But he's spot on for his actual age for most things. He's eating some little solid foods like puffs and teething biscuits. He doesn't like the texture of things like banana so we're just trying every day until he gets used to it.

 

 

Since this year is our first year as a complete family, I got them a ton of stuff for Christmas. I can't wait until Christmas morning with both our babies. We're doing Santa, and Evie is starting to catch on that Santa brings her toys, so she gets super excited about Santa and Christmas. It's just such an amazing time for family and togetherness and celebrating our faith. I feel so blessed, especially now, to have my sweet little ones, and the ability to provide a Christmas for them. To have a church I really like to take them to, and so many people who love them to celebrate with us. It's a nice time of year. Buuuut I still can't wait for the weekend.

A Holiday Ramble

As Christmas approaches, I'm finding myself in an interesting spot this year. I've been thinking a lot about my impending kidney transplant evaluation, and it's been a little depressing. I've found comfort in shopping to relieve the fear. So I may or may not have spent way too much money on my kids for Christmas. I decided to consolidate the boxes of gifts, and I kept pulling toy after toy out and saying "I forgot about this"! My mom encouraged me to take some of it back but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to give my kids the world, and I want to see them happy. It's not difficult to make them happy - I'm pretty sure we made children with souls of saints. I'm not sure how this happened except by the grace of God, but I'm thankful for it.

This weekend we went through the kids' clothes and toys and donated a gigantic box of things we don't need to Goodwill and to a local family who needs help. This week we're putting up the tree and decorating, and I was feeling pretty good about my chances of decorating the lower portion of the tree since Evie seems to have a better handle on "not everything is food" these days. But then this happened:

 

 

He's been "crawling" for a bit now. Or at least I thought he was, but it turned out that he was rocking on his hands and knees and then rolling over when my back was turned and then getting back on hands and knees. He's a little trickster. But now he really is crawling. He's incredibly unsure of himself, but has no problems lifting an arm or leg up to reach things, and he's most definitely not out of "not everything is food". So I guess we'll have to watch the lower branches after all.

 

My parents were over to watch the kids while we organized their rooms. My mom's one wish for Christmas was to get a picture of the kids with her and my dad. This is the best I could do:

 

At least Evie's finger is not in her nose. It usually is, and is followed by sticking it in my face and yelling "BOOGER". She's so lady-like. I let her play with my phone a lot and every time I take it back it's covered in boogers. Mom life is glamorous.

Wednesday is my transplant evaluation, and it's going to last all day. It's going to be interesting and whatever happens I need to keep it together and be the best mom I can be to these sweet babies.

A Realization

I'm glad Christmas is fast approaching. I'm honestly going through a pretty difficult, anxiety-inducing time right now. I'm happy that I've chosen this time to avoid social media. It's been about 36 hours since I deleted the apps from my phone and my ipad, and it's already making me rethink my choices. It didn't take very long before I found myself idly scrolling to the Facebook app on my phone looking for the little red bubble that indicated I have notifications. I did this a number of times the first day. And I kept finding little blocks of time where I couldn't think of anything to do - time where I would have been reading Tumblr or Facebook. I kept reaching for my phone when I was with my kids, and I thought to myself "why don't I reach for my kids instead"? How many hours have I spent with my face in a screen while my kids played and watched TV without me?

So I'm pretty happy about this change right now. I'm not saying that I'll never be on social media again, but I wasted way too much time immersing myself in the lives of other people - often people I didn't even know - when I could have immersed myself in my own life. So that's what I want to do. I want to read books, exercise, explore, and show my kids everything.

And this? This is the season for it. Saturday we're putting up the Christmas tree and organizing the house. I'm wrapping gifts and I'm going to talk to my kids about santa and Jesus and all of that stuff. We have so many traditions and I'm happy to be sharing them with my family.

Twists, Turns, Bumps, and Bruises

Well life is good at throwing curveballs. I suppose nothing in specific happened, but I've been feeling "off" for a bit. I'm taking a break from social media and I want to start posting here more. This doesn't feel like social media to me. It feels like a place where I can say what I need to say, and hold on to memories I want to keep. Today is an odd day, though, so I may begin with a bit of a ramble.

The last few weeks have been tough ones with my husband. I know he has depression, but he's been so angry, and I don't think there's a whole lot I can do to help him since I can't control the depression. He misses home. He wants to be back in Philadelphia, and that's not in the cards right now. He hates his job, and feels hopeless about getting a new one since he's been trying for so long. It's a struggle to know what to say or do since I can't change anything for him. He has to do it himself but he's held so far back by depression. I hope medication helps him, but he's been sort of unbearable, so I hope it helps fast.

In the meantime I'm just trying to get through each day. My kidneys are getting worse, and I have the evaluation for transplant next week. I feel like I'm getting more and more tired and weaker by the day. It's a struggle sometimes to keep my eyes open as long as I need to. I make such an effort to be everything the kids need me to be, which leaves little energy left for everything else. I nap when they nap, I sleep when they sleep. I'm blessed with amazing sleepers, but I'm tired no matter how much sleep I get. I don't have the physical strength to stand for super long periods and do things. I get bursts where I can take the kids outside, and we can go shopping, but too much more is very draining. It's hard to accept how different life is now, and I hope and pray that it is my kidneys because if this is "normal" now I don't even know what to think.

I've been gaining weight back because I'm pretty depressed about it all. Most of my friends are too involved in their own lives to be there much for me, and it sucks, but I can't change that either. All I can do is appreciate the people who are there and make time for me no matter what. The list is short but it's full of wonderful people.

I have a number of great things to be thankful for, like my job, which allows me to work from home two days a week, and of course my children. As much as I don't want them to see a different mommy because I'm so weak, I still need their cuddles to make me feel better. Fortunately they're both ready and willing pretty much all the time. Evie is a random hugger and she insists on giving me kisses all the time now. Andrew gives me kisses too! They both love to laugh and play and they bring sunshine to otherwise cloudy days.

My parents have been trying to help me out more since Andy works very late some nights. It's nice, but the less Andy/parent overlap the better, and it causes stress for me when they are around each other too much. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them get along but I can't, so all I can do is look at the good things around me. I've been spending a lot of time shopping for the kids and my family to take my mind off of things. I probably shouldn't, but I enjoy it, and I want to. Christmas is going to be really nice for my kids this year and nothing makes me happier. We're getting all the decorations out on Saturday and going through the kids' things to donate toys in preparation for the influx of new things. It'll be nice to have things sorted out, but again, Andy/parent overlap since they're coming to watch the kids for us.

In brighter news, Evie is talking up a storm. She sings and uses full sentences. She makes up little songs and games. She still adores Andrew, and asks for him as soon as she gets up every morning. He doesn't know what to make of her, but he's so sweet and good-natured. Which is exactly what we needed with Evie as.... I don't know... wild? As she is. They're a perfect pair, and Andy and I often discuss how incredibly blessed we are to have such amazing children.

Andrew is starting to stand, crawl, eat food, and do all of those things. He babbles all the time. I can't believe he'll be one next month. It's just gone by so quickly and I want him to stay little! But Evie's at an age I love, too, so I can't really complain too much. Here are the kids on Thanksgiving! Evie is with my mom.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

As always, it's been a while, but things have been pretty crazzy lately. My kidney function is declining and I have a transplant evaluation on December 10th. It's weird to have to think of wills and disability and life insurance and such, but I'm grateful that this kind of technology exists. Hopefully I'll have a living donor and the transplant will work. I'm just praying for that.

 

The kids are doing well. Evie is going to be starting preschool soon. It's for kids with special needs, but her needs are sensory, so they'll make adjustments for her hyperactivity. She's brilliant. She knows all her colors, shapes, numbers, letters, etc. She just can't sit still so hopefully the spcialized environment will help. Her language has picked up and she's talking and singing up a storm. The new educational coordinator at daycare said her speech was spot on, so that was pretty neat to hear. She's still such a joy to be around, and she's hilarious.

 

Andrew is growing like a weed. He'll be ten months old on Saturday. He's about 18.5lb now! He's sitting great and we've been catching him rocking on his hands and knees. Andy said he saw him actually crawl two days ago. He stands pretty well, too. He doesn't do a ton of babbling, but that might just be comparatively since Evie never stopped babbling as an infant. He's an angel. He sleeps great. He's an early riser but that's OK when he sleeps from 7-6.

 

I love the kids so much. I just wish I could be with them all the time!

 

We took them to get Christmas pictures yesterday. Evie was a tough cookie because she wanted to run, so we employed some special tactics to get a few pictures, but not much. So here's my favorite picture of each kid and the one we got together.

 

 

 

 

Catching Up

I suppose it's probably time to play a little catch-up. A lot has been going on in our house. The kids are growing up so fast. Evie's changing day by day and learning so much now that we've found the keys to her potential.

Andrew has been making leaps forward. He has two teeth! And didn't whine or cry at all. It's so much earlier than Evie got teeth. I looked in there and couldn't believe it. I took this picture right after I noticed the second one:

 

Evie has been pretty cuddly. She's SO into My Little Pony right now and every day on the ride to daycare it's "Music? Listen to pony songs?" and "My little pony my little pony..." singing. She's ridiculous. She can count to 20, she knows all her colors (and her favorite seems to be purple). She knows her shapes (even a hexagon!). She loves butterflies, rainbows, coloring, and being outside. Which is SO hard because I have nowhere to put Andrew and I can't run after her. Her vocabulary is improving. She doesn't always use full sentences, but she can. "I want a sandwich". "I like this". Once she even said "I'm gonna climb this fence". OK...

Because Evie is all over the place it's been hard to catch the two kids together, but Andrew's getting bigger and can sit up on his own! Which, as you can see, he likes. He's trying desperately to figure out crawling. Don't ask me how he got in the kitchen. I was feeding Evie and the whole floor of the house is baby-proofed so I let him just do his thing. When Evie was done she layed with him. It's not the best picture of her but both of them are looking! Andrew's in his signature pose, where he starts kicking his legs and wishing beyond wishes that he will move forward haha. Yesterday he was SO close but when he gets up on his knees he rolls over instead. He's only 8 months old and was almost 2 months early, so I don't expect him to crawl so soon but.. he's getting the hang of it and FAST.

 

 

We took the kids to the Fall Fest this weekend. Well, I did. Andy has been working nights and it sucks because it was a PERFECT night. We had a terrible time at the carnival and thought Evie would forever hate rides. I asked my parents to come to this and it was great. Andrew was a doll, Evie rode the rides and loved them, and she even held my hand and led me around to what she wanted to go on! She played the duck game and won a prize for her brother (shown below) and one for my dad (it was a plastic toy way over her age limit). She also splashed the water everywhere but hey, she tried. And her Popi won her a butterfly so she waved it around yelling "I GOT A BUTTERFLY" since they're her favorite.

I took the kids to my parents' house a few weekends ago as well and we got on the swings. Andrew... well... the jury's out, I suppose, but Evie loves it.

And yesterday she got her first real haircut! She's had bang trims and back trims, but this was a for real cut. It was almost down to her butt at it's longest but I think it turned out super cute.

I also gave Andrew his first real food yesterday. He eats purees. He had banana once because I put it on my finger and shoved it in my mouth. But he went to town on this teething biscuit. He was like "Wait, I can chew on this AND it tastes good"?

 

 

I guess there's not a whole lot else to tell. Andy's still looking for a day job, and I'm still at my job. I do get 2 days a week from home (instead of 1) starting next week and I'm really looking forward to that. It's a very long commute so I get 2 extra hours with my kids each of those days plus lunch!

Not this coming weekend but the next weekend, Andy and I are going to Ocean City for the weekend. My parents are staying at our house with the kids. It's going to be SO WEIRD to be away from them like that. I haven't been away from both kids overnight ever. When I first got pregnant I had a business trip, and when Andrew was younger my parents watched him overnight once. Never both. It's weird to think I should be able to sleep in in the morning! My kids are fantastic sleepers, but early risers, so I'm generally up by 6:30 on weekends.

Anyway, the day before we leave, we're taking the kids to the local orchard/pumpkin patch to take a hayride, get pumpkins, eat ice cream, and hang out at the petting zoo. I can't wait until Andy finds a day job and we can spend more time as a family because we're so in love with these kids, and every day I feel positively blessed by God. I guess you could say we're doing pretty well.