Growing Up Too Fast

Well this was an interesting weekend filled with a lot of firsts for Evie. On Saturday morning we got up and went to the local farm to get a hayride to the pumpkin patch with mom-mom and popi. She loved running around the patch, and was not happy when we had to pick her up because she kept falling in the dirt. She got a pumpkin, and her first ice cream cone! She wasn't sure about it at first, but then she liked it once she got over the coldness!

That night we went to a fair with rides and games. She won herself another kitty and daddy won her a turtle. And she went on her first SOLO ride! We studied all of the kiddie rides to pick one out for her, and the fire trucks were the only ones with a lap belt that went one across so it could get tight enough on her. She really enjoyed it and did so well. And the guy let me strap her in myself. I'm sure we looked like lunatics laughing and yelling and waving to her. Of course she stopped on the complete other side, and the guy got her out first. He stood there holding her out like an object rather than a baby, looking around like "Where the hell are this kid's parents"!? Andy was running over there but people kept getting in the way. We got to her though and it was just so crazy she got on by herself and did SO WELL. Andy got it on video.

THEN on Sunday she got her first hair cut. She looks SO BIG. It's ridiculous. And it's hard for me every time I look at her. Not because I miss having a tiny newborn. I will have a tiny newborn in February. But I miss EVIE being a tiny newborn. It's like time gives you no warning as it just.. disappears out from under you. And now I have an almost 2 year old. Yesterday she was playing her little piano and I was clapping for her and she kept looking back to make sure I was watching. She loves music. She claps when I'm done singing a song to her. I'm so in love with this child I can't even express it. And she's growing up SO fast. But boy is she amazing (and also extremely happy though you wouldn't guess by most of these. As soon as she sees me pull out the camera she stops laughing)!

Help - Making Friends

I'd really like to start posting here more and making friends in the Blogger community. Does anyone have any ideas for how to accomplish that??? I really have no idea!

New Realities

I'm starting to feel much more connected to B2. I hope that doesn't sound terrible. I think I'm just getting over the shock of becoming an Infertility Urban Legend. Now that I've seen it and it's a real baby and every so often I can feel it move just a little, I'm getting even more excited. I find myself rubbing my belly more and planning things with a little more certainty. Like.. this is for real. I remember with Evie, things really got intense when I found out she was a girl. Something about her having a name and buying HER clothes just made me feel so connected. And I can't wait to see what this one is. To call it by name and buy it its own things. To set up its nursery!

I'm so nervous at times about what's to come. About handling being sleep deprived again. What if this baby is a horrible sleeper and doesn't do 7:30pm-8am straight like Tiny does? What if there's reflux? What if something is wrong?

But this baby is such a little miracle. Like what odds did this teeny tot overcome to be here? A brain tumor, infertility, kidney disease, timing... but here it is, growing like crazy, giving me heartburn and completing our little family. I'm just kind of in awe of how things came together/are coming together and it's cool. I'm so blessed to have this happen. To feel another baby inside doing its thing. I know this sounds weird, but I've always thought it would be SO hard to love another baby like I love Evie. And honestly, I still think that. But it gets a little easier to wrap my head around every day and I can't wait to hold this sweet one in February!

18 Months and The Start of Something New

Today is an odd day. Evie has been in a phase for the last week where she is just plain frustrating. She doesn't want to listen to anything we say to her, and she won't sit still for 5 seconds. Which can be quite difficult to deal with when I'm so exhausted and in pain. It's a new phase - one that has me reaching for the nonexistant parenting manuals to tell me what to do. I would really like for her attention span to grow just a bit so she could sit for a half hour and watch one show with me to relax. She's busy getting into everything, and I've found myself getting frustrated, which doesn't happen often. Until this week that is. I think I've finally come to a point where I need a break and I feel bad about it. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I'm starting to understand why people go on vacations alone haha. Of course this makes me feel like a terrible mother. I know I'm not at all, but I hold myself to these incredibly high expectations of perfect patience, perfect temper, perfect energy, perfect attentiveness, and I feel like such a failure when I can't meet them or when I just need to lay down for a bit. E's taken to screaming and crying and flailing during diaper changes again. She's perfected the "wet noodle" where she goes limp when I'm trying to pick her up, which leaves me in an awkward position and then I feel bad for holding her funny. She only wants to play with the things I don't want her to play with. She needs more time to run free and roam, but I'm getting slower these days, and it gets harder to chase her. Really, I'm also hormonal and irritable because of that and that makes me feel worse because that's not E's fault. I'm pretty sure E is showered with love pretty much constantly, and the times I do raise my voice are few and far between, so I hope it's showing her that when I do, it's because I mean it. I don't want to be the "friend" parent. I want to be the parent who does whatever is in their child's best interest. But I'm not sure how to establish the mommy/daughter relationship and keep in line with relatively gentle parenting. And that's another thing that I just have to figure out. How do I show her that mommy means business without shutting down the things I want to encourage - like how headstrong she is. That's going to get her so far in life. But there are times where she simply doesn't know what she's doing is dangerous or otherwise not OK, and I have to show her that. It's a balance I'm just now starting to have to figure out because she's been SO GOOD for so long. I think I'm coming close to perfecting my mommy voice though. There's a certain tone I use when I say "Evangeline Skye!" where she just.. stops.. whatever it is she's doing. Or lingers a minute to make sure I mean business and then leaves haha. E's such a mommy's girl though and I love it so much. I love how she climbs on my lap and hugs and kisses me and snuggles in. It usually only lasts 5-10 seconds before she's off on some incredibly important toddler mission, but those seconds make my whole day. She's such an amazing little girl, and like I told her daddy today, we just need to adjust to this, just like we've adjusted to all her other phases. We need to really be a good team. We're lucky in that she has been so good all along, and she really still is. She's testing her boundaries which is a completely normal thing for this age. How much can she do before mommy gets mad? I've read a bit on toddler behavior so everything makes sense to me, and I know it's age-appropriate, I just hope we're handling it "right". Whatever the case may be, she's growing into such an amazing little girl. She's so strong-willed and independent. She loves doing things on her own. She loves to "sing". She has a pretty decent vocabulary now, and she uses it so well. She knows to say "bye" to people on the phone and such. It's pretty cute. I just love her so much that I worry constantly that she's happy and we're doing things to nurture her and to promote happiness and trust and such. And now I just want to go home and hug her. And then put her cute little butt in bed and go to sleep!