I've been feeling crampy today, which leads me to believe I can expect a period in a week or so. We're disappointed, but, like last month, there's a hopefulness that comes with it because we know we're moving on to at least an IUI if not IVF. It feels like our chances are increasing. I enjoy feeling like I'm doing something to move this process along, so it makes me happy to get the U/S and blood work done. Unless of course it's bad, which has happened and sucked. That was when my TSH was high.

I started the methyldopa for my BP. It's dropped my diastolic like mad, but my home BP machine had my Systolic at 150 last night. I discovered it wasn't plugged in all the way so it might have been an issue with that. Generally it's been reading about 135/69, which is better than it was, and diastolic is more important anyway. I'm going to get it checked at the health center today too.

Other good news. I'm down 10.5 pounds, and it's not even my official weigh in yet, so I think my official 7 week total will be about 11 pounds. That's not bad considering I was on a business trip one week, and actually gained 3 a different week! I've been to the gym 3 times this week and am going tomorrow as well. I still have 3.4 to go to meet the IVF weight, and I'll be weighing in in 7-10 days I'd imagine. It's a lofty goal, but I will find a way to meet it so I don't have to wait another month.

I'm feeling very good about my efforts. I've stuck with Weight Watchers for 7 whole weeks now and I feel good. I'm not binge eating, and I'm not eating to the point where my stomach hurts. I'm making choices and really thinking about "do I need the 6 points for that salad dressing or can I just get a regular vegetable?". I feel like I'm making really great progress, and in another week or two I should be at 5% lost. Plus, if I do meet the IVF goal, I'll have another month before the stims start to continue losing. I'd like to be back to where I was before I started the prednisone the first time... 14 pounds UNDER the IVF limit. Stupid prednisone.

We've also been working out our finances. I am so positive about the IVF, but there is a 48% chance (by clinic statistics) that we won't take home a baby, and we'll need other options. At this point it's looking like we'll have enough money to do a FET without taking out a loan if we have frozen babies. If we have to do fresh, we'll need a loan, but we can easily afford the monthly payment. If all goes well, all of my credit cards will be paid off by April, and Andy's will be half way there. We'll have some money in savings, which is a new thing for us, too. We're actually looking at Andy quitting his job and going back to school full time when the baby comes. It'll save us a bunch of money in daycare, and allow Andy to get a degree, which is something he's always wanted to do. And I can afford all our bills on my salary, with enough left to keep putting money in savings and pay for diapers and things.

I'm feeling good about this year. We've had a terrible few years and it seems like we're finally getting our finances in order, our health in order, and hopefully we'll get pregnant or even have the baby this year. I'm hopeful and thankful to God for these opportunities. I'm actually excited to see what happens with this whole IVF thing, and hopefully my kidneys will just decide to snap out of it too lol.

Today is Wednesday, 2/23. I still have no idea if I ovulated. The good CM is gone, and my ovaries are twinging like they normally do post-O. My temp doesn't seem high enough, but I dont know what it was before, so I should stop bothering. Andy is feeling very positive this month, and I suppose I should at least accept that it's possible. I got a +OPK and plenty of CM, but I'm not feeling positive. Usually I get crampy by now, too, so I'm wondering if my period will even come in any semblance of a normal timeframe. I should stop feeling so doubtful, but I'm just trying not to get my hopes up about anything.

I did start working out. I did a short workout at home Saturday, and I went to deep water jogging Monday, and I did 1/2 hour on the bike yesterday. So far it's paying off. I'm back down to 3.8 pounds from my goal. Granted, if I did ovulate on Saturday, I can expect my period in about 10 days, so it's a bit of a lofty goal, but I refuse to wait another whole month, so I will do whatever I have to. I thought about telling them I'm actually 5/10 1/2" lol. My mom looked very short to me the other day, so I thought perhaps I'd measured wrong. Yes, I'm honestly thinking about measuring myself somewhere. But in the mean time, I'm doing well. I've decided to try to use as few of my weekly points as possible, and use activity points as much as I can when I need to go over my daily points alotment. Down 2 pounds from Sunday, I'd say it's working. My ankles are also back to normal, so it looks like the swelling was indeed just from all the sodium they use in restaurants. Of course that could account for the weight loss, but I don't think so. At least not all of it. I wasn't swollen when I originally weighed higher, so I think actually losing fat has something to do with it.

Tomorrow I've got a great day planned out with tons of great food, plenty of fruits and vegetables, and 1 point left over after all of it. I built in a couple of snacks, too, because I plan to head straight to the gym after work and do at least an hour of cardio. What else am I going to do on a Thursday with hubs at work until 8? Why not get in shape? I'm going to plug in, watch tv, and work my butt off. If I get enough points back I might even splurge on some macaroni and cheese. Mmmm. Macaroni and cheese. I'm actually excited to work out tomorrow. I find it relaxing, and they have a new machine I want to try. It's a stationary bike with pull handles like an elliptical. There are only 2 of them, but if one is empty I'm going to try it. And then perhaps the arc trainer. And I think Saturday I'm going to swim. I'm really liking going to the gym, and I feel like.. if meeting this goal and having a baby doesn't motivate me, nothing will! But so far it has and it's great.

My mom called me today to tell me she got a promotion. I'm very excited for her. She did tell me as she was hanging up, "I've got plans for the baby!" Lol. Great. No pressure, mom. Now, along with all the clothes and pack-n-play and high chair stuff, we've got "plans" of some sort. She cracks me up. My family, unlike a lot of other families, is awesome when it comes to this stuff. They do tend to tell me to relax, but it comes from a place of... I'm always insanely stressed, and my overall health will benefit if I chill out. Aside from that, anything else they say comes out of pure positivity and faith that this will work. Andy's the same way. He told me yesterday that every time he hears someone is having a baby he wants to hit them lol. He said that it's not as much for him, but that he knows how much I want a baby, and that so many people that have made a lot of awful choices can have them so easily. It was sweet in a weird way. And I know part of it is for him, too.

I've also decided to keep a running tally of the actual costs for my IVF so as soon as I start my next cycle, we'll begin with $118.50 for Day 3 blood work and Ultrasound. Hopefully this can help some others who may be curious about costs. I'll try to get pre-insurance costs as well. 3.8 pounds to go. I can do this.

Today was weigh-in day. I actually weighed a bit less than last week, but it still looks like a gain because I'd gained weight then. So I'm  5 pounds from my goal with only 2 weeks left! I refuse to screw this up. I must start IVF next month, so Im' really hunkering down. I've decided to try not to use my weekly points, and if I need to go over, to do exercise to gain some points back.

I'm still not sure if I ovulated, despite having had all the signs. My temp was an entire degree higher today than yesterday, but it wasn't high enough to think it meant something. Although I suppose the temp difference means more than the temp itself, and I haven't really been temping, so I can't tell. I had good CM again today, which is weird, but not unheard of. My ovaries hurt much less, so something has changed. I guess I'll know for sure if I get my period in two weeks or so.

I started my blood pressure medicine today so we'll see how that works. I'd love to start the pregnancy at 120/70 so it'll be easier to keep track of.

We went to Walmart today and I showed Andy some cute baby clothes. He said he had a dream last night that we had a baby and he was so happy. It's cool that he can look at baby clothes and get excited and make cute faces. Hopefully just a few more weeks until we're actually buying!

I'm coming up on the end of my 5th week of Weight Watchers. At the end of the third week I was down to 274, but by the 4th I was up to 277. I'd had a sort of bad week, but not enough to gain 3 pounds. I decided not to record my weight because I didn't want to get down on myself. But it looks like I will be 277 at tomorrow's weigh-in as well. I was on a business trip and ate each meal out for an entire week but managed to stay on plan. I was walking, too. But somehow I didn't lose. It's disheartening because I've been trying, although I know I should be proud that I didn't gain weight despite eating out for 6 days. Plus, I've been retaining tons of water. When it gets to the point where I can physically see it, I know it's a lot. I'm drinking as much as I can to flush it out. With my kidneys, I tend to hold onto water much more easily than others, so it's another reason I shouldn't be upset. The only problem is I'm pretty sure I ovulated this morning, which means I need to weigh in in 2 weeks. And I need to be 271.  Yes, we could do an IUI, but I don't want to. I want to get started on the IVF. I guess the only thing I can do is try even harder this week. I'm going to add in some light cardio and see if I get the heart palpitations. I know I need to go to the cardiologist about them, but I'd bet money it's the prednisone. They started when I started it and lessened as I lessened my dosage. I had an EKG a month or two before I started and it was fine.

I've got a lot on my mind with this weight. I want to lose it in time, but 2 weeks? *sigh*. I thought I'd ovulated yesterday, but my temp was 95 something this morning lol. Then I got more pains this morning so I think that might have been it. I hope I actually ovulate. I had tons of EWCM an a +OPK, so that's good. I'm just waiting for the temp change. If it happened this morning that would be awesome because we'll have timed things right.

I need to stop worrying so much, and just do the best I can. I'm doing well today, and I'll be making food at home next week. I've done well and I'm going to keep doing well. I can do it.

I believe the agreement has been reached. I was ready to show my body who is boss when I got EWCM smack in the middle of my trip, but 3 - OPKs later I think I'm OK. It's much darker today and I think it will be + tomorrow so hopefully I will O really really late tomorrow or on Saturday and we can catch our egg.

I've managed to stay on Weight Watchers this week. I don't have any weekly points left, but there are only two days left in the week. I hope I lose weight!! I'm really proud of myself. I've eaten more fruits and vegetables and chosen some better things which is hard on a trip! Even if I don't get pregnant, I plan to be starting IVF next month and I'm super excited, and we're doing an IUI if for some reason I haven't met the weight, but I'm trying and doing well. So yay!! IVF!

My body and I are attempting to come to some semblance of an understanding. It is making it abundantly clear to me that it does not like soy. I've noted this, and taken it to heart. You're welcome, ovaries. No more soy. I drew a little chart to express how my body makes me feel on both cycles. Here it is:

As you can see, I'm much happier on a non-soy cycle. Let's compare.

Day 1: Soy cycle = shitty. I'm not pregnant. Non-Soy = Shitty. I'm not pregnant

Day 5: Soy Cycle = Ovaries hurt 'cause of 3 days of soy. Non-soy = Getting closer to Ovulation!

Day 12: Soy Cycle = Dammit, Ovaries. OW! Non-soy = EWCM? WOW!

Day 16: Soy Cycle = Dammit, ow. Where is O? Non-soy = O! YAY!

Day 21: Soy Cycle = Yay! O! Too bad it's late and my hormones are screwed and my LP will be short. Non-Soy = Phantom symptoms! Yay!

Day 31: Soy Cycle = Period. Non-Soy = No period? Pregnant!?

And that's about how it is. Clearly my body does not appreciate soy. So here I am on day 12 of a non-soy cycle with copious amounts of CM and a husband 1000 miles away. Of COURSE this happens when I'm on a business trip. Well if the past is any indication, I have 4 days of CM and then O day 16, and I'll be home day 16, so I guess we have a shot, though it would've been nice to start now!

And my diet? Uhm, it's a business trip. Not conducive to eating healthy. BUT I do have 12 weekly points left and I can stay within them, so hopefully I'll lose weight. 2.5 weeks to weigh in if I O at day 16 after all. We'll see. I'm trying! I just need to try even harder the two weeks I'm home. Swim, swim, swim and cook food at home. Less fat, less salt. I can do it!

Welllllllllllllllllll... I have a secret. But since no one in my "real" life reads this, I'm going to post it here. We've spontaneously decided to do an IUI with Ovidrel this cycle. We were about to do one last July when we got bad kidney news. Well I just realized that I already paid for bloodwork and ultrasound which came back great, and I've already had the HSG, so why waste the $118 when we can just do an IUI? I have to wait until March to do the IVF, and, if nothing else, we can say "hey, we tried it". I called my nurse to tell her but I haven't heard back. I'm pretty excited about it. I hope she has time to order the Ovidrel and that the Dr. approves it. I don't see why they wouldn't. I am going to be in WI next week, but I don't normally ovulate before day 16, so I'll test while I'm out there, and if for some reason I ovulate early we'll cancel it, but otherwise we'll just go with it and give it a try. I hope she calls me back and we can get it set in stone. Andy sounded pretty excited and willing to do his part lol. It would be pretty cool to get pregnant with IUI this month, but we'll see what happens when she calls. I'm not telling anyone else, because it would be SO COOL to be able to surprise our famlies.

UPDATE: Ok she called me back like right away. She said it's too late in the cycle. She did tell me I was 277 on their scale, which was 2.5 pounds more than I weighed on mine. so I need to be at 268.5 on my scale by my next cycle. I CAN DO THIS. I can do better than that. I'm aiming for 266. 8.6 pounds. I should be getting my period around the 7th, so I have 4 weeks. Yikes. That's a lot. But I can do it! And I will do it!!!!