Random Thoughts

I woke up at 5:45 this morning. It wasn't so bad. I think that's more due to the fact that I had a short week and a Christmas party at noon than anything like my body preparing me for labor. I'm pretty sure my body is just going to laugh at me when E is here and I'm trying not to be so tired.

I got a gift card on our secret santa, so I lucked out this year at both parties. This one was for Target, and I keep thinking I can have a little cluster of gift cards put away to buy stuff for E after the shower! So far I've got $30 for target, and $60 for Amazon (though that was a birthday gift so I might use it for me!).

I also took an updated photo today!

 

Pardon my dirty mirror. It's weird to me how my belly looks different. It's so round and.. baby-like! And speaking of babies, this guy is obsessed with me.

He's laying on my chest, like usual. Lately, every time I take a nap he's on my lap for hours at a time. He sleeps with me almost through the night, and he always wants to be on me. He's so freaking cute it's nuts. My other cat hasn't been quite as lovey. I'm thinking this guy knows change is coming. I'm excited though. Love my kitties. And I wanted to put pictures in here. Blog posts with pictures are so much better!

Hello, Third Tri!

Wait a second... is this real? Yep, pinching hurts (I swear I did that). I am 27 weeks pregnant today!!!! And really, that needs more than 4 exclamation points. I'm in the third trimester, and not having BP issues. It has been drilled into my head since day 1 that we could experience all of these issues (with "could" somehow always sounding more like "will" from the mouths of doctors) and I had these visions of being on bed rest at 20 weeks, delivering at 24.... and I'm at 27 and everything looks perfect!

For this, I a grateful first and foremost to God. Every step of this journey has been a medical miracle. From conception to healing kidneys to my baby girl growing on track. It was such a long road to get here, and there were so many (seriously... you wouldn't believe it) times when I sat in my car crying and pleading and begging and on the very edge of losing my faith. And I won't say "ask and ye shall receive" because, let's face it... it doesn't always happen. But I am so grateful to be experiencing this miracle. I wasn't sure I'd ever feel my own little one rolling and stretching inside my body. But I am. And thank you Jesus for it!

And yet... 27 weeks means "OMGITSCRUNCHTIMEANDIDONTHAVEANYTHINGDONEWHATAMIGOINGTODO!?". Yep. It sounds like that in my head.. capital letters and all. So I called my mom yesterday and we set up a mass room overhaul for January 1. Since I will obviously not be hungover. She and my dad and I are going to paint the room and steam clean, so the next weekend (WHAT!?) when I have my shower, I have a place to bring all the baby stuff! And seriously... my "edging" looks like someone just tossed paint at the wall and hoped it missed the celing. So.. I need my dad's help.

I can't believe my shower is so close. And I'll actually have some of the baby's stuff. And I'm ordering her crib next week. So I guess I should calm down just a little. But who am I kidding? That's not going to happen.

Also, I need to stop craving whoppers. Help.

Almost 27 Week Survey

How far along? 26 weeks, 6 days

Next Appointment: 12/20 - Checkup with the OB

Weight gain/loss: 11 I think

Maternity clothes? Yep. Starting to almost grow out of some of them!

Stretch marks? Yes

Sleep? I can get sleep, but it hurts a lot more now. My shoulders, elbows, and hips hurt pretty bad.

Best moment this week? I had my hand on my belly, and was on the phone with A. He wanted me to tell her hi, so I said "daddy says hi!" and she kicked my hand, up above my belly button.

Food cravings: Unfortunately, whoppers from BK. OMG they're SO bad for you. I've had two in the last week or two though :(

Odd pregnancy symptom of the week: Not odd, but I'm ready to have my leg amputated if it can somehow help my SI joint pain.

Gender: Girl

Belly button in or out? Definitely getting shallower. Dear God please let my belly button stay in!!!!

Movement? She wasn't quite as active yesterday or the day before, but this afternoon she was nuts.

What I miss? Not throwing up and not being in pain.

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting my baby girl!

Weekly wisdom: I have nothing wise to say lol.

Milestones: Last time we checked, she was 1lb 11 oz. I'd guess she's over 2 pounds now. Also, I'm in third tri tomorrow!!!

Belly pic: This is the last picture I took. It was from 25weeks 1 day, so it's almost 2 weeks old already.

Holy Freakout

My mom came over last night to work on the bedding (which was completely unsuccessful). And I decided, somehow, that it was a good time to freak the %*&$ out. I realized that I have exactly 11 weeks and 1 day until the absolute latest that my child will arrive. Given that there are two holiday weekends during that time, and it's going to be January before I know it... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. If I told you work had been done on the nursery, I would be lying. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it has an extra box in it that I received full of baby clothes. Every time I look in that room I think "What the hell am I doing to do with all of this stuff?". But I did get  A to agree that it needs to be cleared out this weekend, and I'm pretty sure my mom is going to come down New Year's day to help me steam clean.

And then there's the idea of baby items. I have NOTHING for this child but clothes. I have 75 items on my registry (and this includes books, toys.. butt paste, etc.) and I know there's going to be things I don't get that I need. I didn't want to invite a ton of people to my shower just to get gifts, so I only invited family and people I know really well. Or a few people A knows really well, since it's his baby too. I have a few "big" items that I really need, though. These include the travel system, pack n play, video monitor, and swing.

I'm completely in love with the ocean, and, therefore, this swing...

I really want to have this so I have a place to put E to rest that I can strap her in and make sure she's secure. My mom asked me what I needed the most out of these things, and I told her the travel system, since without it I can't bring E home from the hospital. I think she's going to get me that. It's just hard not to worry about having what I need for her. I'm afraid of getting her home and going "Oh crap, I don't have _____". And not being able to go out and get it. I'm also afraid that she'll come early and I won't have time to finish buying things after the shower. I plan to pick up everything I dont get myself with the completion discount, or the millions of 25% off coupons BRU sends out. But I need time! Where did the time go?

As you can see, I'm a mess. Time has FLOWN by. And yet I'm still spending 5 straight minutes puking in the mornings.

And, by the way, don't ever say "You're looking nice and heavy" to a pregnant woman, like the cleaning lady at work said to me. If she wasn't older and disabled I would've head-butted her. What does that even mean!???? all my new weight is in my belly, dammit.

I need a day off. I can has day after Christmas now please?

Big Decisions

Warning: I haven't written in a few days and I have a lot to discuss!

So I've written a number of times about my OCD, and how I'm on Lexapro for it. When I say I have OCD, I don't mean "I like things neat and orderly". I mean "Holy crap I'm ruining my family's lives and I can't eat or sleep because I have so much anxiety". And... it tends to go through phases.  I'll have a few years where it's very well managed, and then I'll go through this horrible spot where I just can't handle it. Last time that happened I started on prozac and was almost good as new in a few months. This time it's been a year and a half so far. I wanted to try the Lexapro thinking "Well, the prozac didn't seem to be working quite as well anymore". And I thought it was working at first. And we decided to stay on it in pregnancy because my doctor thought the benefits outweighed the risks (it's category C). And last weekend we decided we didn't think that was true anymore. After a blowout about how horrible my OCD was, we decided it simply wasn't working. And the risk with Lexapro to a fetus is that fetuses exposed in the third trimester have a slightly higher risk of persistent pulminary hypertension once born. The risk is still low, which is why we continued, but at this point.. it's not worth it. So.... I started weaning off of it yesterday. I won't quite be done by 3rd tri, since that's Friday, but I'll be completely off by the middle of my 28th week. So close! And I'm hoping that's enough to keep her from getting PPH.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified. But my husband knows what to expect. He has spent the last year and a half with me and my OCD. He knows it's not my fault, and he expects it to get worse. But, as he put it "You can have a day where you lose your job, your wife, and your house. And then you can have a day where you lose your job your wife, your house, and $100. When it's that bad you don't even notice the $100." Which may not be exactly true, but the point is, it's the right decision. It's going to be tough, but I've been trying SO hard to employ cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques  to help. They've helped me in the past to the point where I didn't even need drugs for a few years. I'm not ready to be off meds, but E needs me to be, and we've decided we need to do this. The good news is, she's coming in 11 weeks, and so if it gets really terrible, I can start back on prozac right away once she's born. I couldn't breast feed on prozac, so I don't want that, but we'll see how things look closer to the time. Hopefully my OCD will be controlled enough by CBT that I can breast feed for the first 3 months as planned. A is on board for that, but... we'll play it by ear. So... BIG NEWS! Part of me is thrilled. My conscience is happy, and I will continue to pray that it works out!

In other news, I've done absolutely nothing on the nursery, and I told A I wanted it cleared out NOW. I can't lift the boxes or the desk. He's been away this weekend, but next weekend it has to be done. The next weekend is Christmas, and we'll be out of town. Then New Year's, and then I'll be 30 weeks, and it's getting way too close to crunch time. And I still have to steam clean and paint. And I just don't want to be doing that 2 weeks before she arrives. It has to get done now. And as I was walking through target yesterday I came across those vinyl decals. I've always loved the tree decals and I found two that surprised me. The one is the same colors as E's bedding! And the other is just gorgeous.

I love the actual tree in this one. I was thinking of putting it up, and getting bird decals made from the birds in the bedding and putting them on instead of these birds.

The birds in this one are already the right color, but the tree and leaves aren't colors in the bedding.

I've also been thinking of doing like a scrolling branch-looking design on either side of some of the bedding's bird decals. I'm not sure. I just need something special for her. A loves the idea of making decals from the animals in the bedding, and I do too. I just wonder if it will be enough? I feel like once I get the room painted and furniture in it I'll be able to decide. So A has work to do.

Oh, AND my invitations went out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm going to be a mommy soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

99 Days

I'm pretty sure the ticker at the top of my page says 25 weeks and 6 days. How on earth did that happen!? I think pregnancy pushes you into some sort of time-space distortion because I feel like the next 3 months are going to feel more like 80 years, and I feel like the last 6.5 months lasted about 80 seconds. How did I get here!? My baby shower is in 4.5 weeks. During that time we have two separate holidays. I think I had better start really enjoying being pregnant because it's going to be over really soon!

Some interesting things have happened since I wrote last.

• I have felt Evie up above my belly button. She doesn't like to move up there, and prefers dancing on my bladder, but it does happen.
• My BP was 122/60 at my OB appointment yesterday. Who am I???
• A said he was OK with Noelle for a middle name. I don't think he's fully convinced, but I'm pretty sure that if I say I really want it he'll go for it. Now we just need to have a boy so he can do the name thing. Er.. I guess if the next one is a girl he gets to name her too. This scares me (Also, WTF am I doing acting like I'm fertile and "the next one" will just pop into our lives).

Ok maybe not that much was interesting, but I needed to write, so there it is. I'm honestly surprised about my BP. The doctor walked in and said "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" And I was confused at first, until he said my BP was wonderful. He's happy, and seemed a bit surprised that I'm 26 weeks and doing so well! To be honest, so am I, but praise Jesus I will take it! He said we'll feel even better at 30 weeks, and once we hit 33-34 we'll feel 100% better. I don't know who this "we" is he's referring to. I will feel 100% better when I'm holding a squirming, healthy Evangeline Noelle in my arms.

I'm considering going the "Everyone does this" route and getting name letter blocks. I don't want to use her nickname though, and Evangeline is a hell of a name to spell out at $12+ a pop. But look how cute they are:

These are from Oh my buttons and bows. She does custom worked based on pictures of your bedding and I'm pretty sure I'm going to somehow budget for these.

So that's it. Life is moving right along. Baby girl looks good. And I still haven't beaten that damn dragon.

Nursery Progress!

We actually did a lot in the nursery last weekend, and I'm so glad we've at least started. I'm trying to convince A to just get rid of the desk we still have left. It's old, not particularly functional for us as a desk, and I put a hole in it by trying to use the wrong screws. Oops. If I can convince him to help me take it to the dumpster this weekend, we might have the room cleared out! I pulled all of the totes out of the closet. 3 are getting stored downstairs and the rest are going to my parents' house. A says he's going to put stuff in the car to pack up, so I may actually be able to steam clean the carpets next weekend! The bed is already gone, so it looks like we did a lot. The carpets really do need to be steam cleaned desperately. Our house is small - a basic townhouse with two bedrooms, a galley kitchen with a tiny dining room, a living room, and 1.5 bathrooms, neither of which could fit a litter box. So to that end, the box has been in what was the guest room but is now the nursery. While our cats are pretty good, everyone misses once in a while, and I won't feel comfortable in there with the potential of walking on poop stains until it's steam cleaned. Plus we need the cats to know it's not their spot anymore, and their sense of smell outsmarts most cleaners. Hopefully I'll get to this very soon, but for now... progress! The closet that was once just a pile of totes and bags....

 ... is now filled with baby clothes, with tons of room for other stuff we get for her! The suitcase is going into my closet, and the bag on the floor is a bunch of insanely expensive Italian Couture dresses we were given for when she's a little older.

The room! The only thing that's staying is that book shelf. The rest is getting packed away or taken to grandma and grandpa's house.

There are still a few totes remaining, but the bed is gone, and these totes are ready to be taken out to the car. I still don't know what to do with the Kohl's bag of "stuff" for Evie. I guess it's going back in the closet for now. At least it's not overflowing since I took out everything that could be hung up.

This weekend my mom and I are going to keep working on the bedding. I hope to have the crib skirt and sheet done, so all we'll have left is the bumper. My mom is going to help me paint, too, and I'd like to have it done before Christmas. I just have to convince A to go through his tote and a few things on the desk that are his.

And a few unrelated to the nursery notes.

• 4 different people looked at my belly yesterday and asked if I was ok. I'm not sure what prompts this. They know I'm pregnant. It's a baby, not a tumor.
• There is "talk" about the next baby. While I do have a timeline, I'm still working on this one. Although next time I can tell the pressure is on to have a boy. My dad says Evie needs a little brother to pick on.
• A loves his diaper bag (which was supposed to be a Christmas present until  UPS left it out in the rain [you know, since cardboard is impervious to water]) but he wishes the changing pad was the Tigers, so if E pees or poops on it, he can be even more proud of her.
• I want to go to Disney World RIGHT NOW.
• I'm having a hard time not wanting E out right now. I mean I KNOW she has to stay in but to say I can't wait to hold her is just not doing the feeling justice. It's driving me up the freaking wall.
• A's job is finally joining the real world and offering some paid time off, so he'll be able to take the whole week to stay home with me and E! YAY!

And finally.... I love Skyrim. I want to play it all day every day but I can't stay up past 10. OR get past this guy:

Weekend missions:

1. Work on  nursery and nursery bedding
2. Beat Skeletal Dragon!!!!